Relapse And Anger

[myrain]

Why can't I get a grip? March 20 should have been 30 days for me, but for whatever reason, I drank. Can't remember anything upsetting me, I just frigging picked up. Drank for 3 days. On Wed. 21st., my partner came home to find me drunk as sh**. Called the police on me, ended up in a motel. My dogs were sent to the pound. I walked back to her house on Thursday. We talked about my alcohlism and that I needed to get to more meetings, besides the ones I was doing on-line. I have been taking her to work and going to meetings since Saturday. I am still learning my way around here. So I found one that I have been doing 2 times a day.
I have reached the point of either getting sober or killing myself from alcohol. I don't want to die. My HP is right with me. Guiding me each and every day through whatever is happening. I refuse to let the devil back in.
My anger from alot of bull really kicked in after I relapsed. But with the AA fellowship and great people to talk to, I seem to be dealing with life on God's terms and not my crazy thinking. I seem to be rambling, but I needed to vent. My partner just got her computer back, because being in a drunken state, I really messed somehting up on it. Thanks for letting me vent.

Getting back on track,
Shelly

[namommy]

Hey Shelly,
Welcome back. All you can do now is pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start again. Try to take a look at what was going on, on not going on right before you picked up. It isn't always something upsetting that causes relapse. We have reservations about staying clean/sober. Try to figure out what your reservations are and put them aside.

Keep going to meetings, get a sponsor and get started on some step work. That's what seems to work.

[51anna]

Hi Shelly,

I'm glad you're back!

What used to get me was that I felt uncomfortable when things started going well. I was the queen of self-sabotage. I didn't like the chaos I created in my life, but I was familiar with it and it was more comfortable than thinking of a life without alcohol. I had to step out of that vicious circle and believe that I deserved a good life.

[indigo]

Glad you're back and all the above.

indie

[ruby red]

Glad you are back, Shelly. I have been through similar situations many times. Finally, now, I am sober over a year. Keep going to your meetings and try to find things that interest you to take up your time.

Ruby




This little egg is just for you
The message you see is very true.......

[myrain]

Thanks for the support. Yes, chaos has been apart of my life for 43 years. When my life is going okay, I always question WHY? I am doing what it takes for me today. I have decided to not to talk to family back South for awhile. Been doing a little self-inventory and it seems as though everytime I talk to one of my siblings, something happens, which it did. I am the alcoholic of the family and the oldest. However, my brother under me can do his extra curricular drugs and nothing is ever said to him. It's always bull about me. Which I always drank by myself, never around them, even when they came to visit. Anywho, enough, I feel anger starting. Going to my noon meeting.

Thanks Again,
Shelly