1st time admitting I have a problem

[Jose Killn ME]

Ok - HI, I am a 35 year old wife, mom of 3. My drink of choice is Tequilla. My husband drinks beer about every nite, like one or two -- not like me. I have to have at least 8-10 shots of tequilla every night. I make sure my kids are in bed or getting ready for bed b4 i hit my pillow and pass out, black out whatever. I wake up w/ the alarm every morning and make it to work on time. I don't know how i do it - my body must be used to it i guess. I don't remember sleeping. Heck, I don't remember falling asleep. A couple of weeks ago I went 3 days w/out a drink and it was wonderful. Going to sleep, remembering going to sleep and waking up sober. My kids are 17, 14 & 5. They so know what I am doing and not a one of them say a word. I know they hate it - Gosh, I hate myself so much for doing this to me and to them. Thanks for this site and thank you God for helping me find it. I read all the stories of the other moms and know I am NOT alone. Thanks for listening. Steph

[51anna]

Hi Steph and Welcome,

You are definitely not alone. I drank for about 3 yrs when my kids were teenagers and they hated it too.

There is lots of support and encouragement here at SR and there are lots of great women here.

[TRISH1011]

You sound like I was.

For three years I would come home from my job as an account manager for a global company and drink 3 litres of red wine/bottle of vodka/16 cans of bourbon and coke. I would black out around 12am and wake up at 7am without an alarm clock. However, what I didn't know, was that my friends at work were aware that I had a problem because I would come in looking like death warmed up, dark circles under my eyes, pale and puffy paced with a dead look in my eyes. I would rarely exhibit emotions and
my head was always down. I wouldn't look people in the eyes either. Which is a sign of someone hiding something.

It took seven years of excess drinking before I realised that I did care that I was killing myself and wanted to stop hurting my parents, sister and present partner with my disease. It wreaks havoc not only on your life, but on those around you. My partner recently said to me 'When you say that you hate alcohol - that will, for the most part, put my mind at rest'.

I am fifteen days sober today. Not long but certainly long enough to clear some of the fog that has been co-habitating with my brain cells for over half a decade. I am still struggling with the first step. But I am getting there....I can't wait until I can say 'I hate alcohol' with conviction.

I am so glad that you are able to see where you are, and that this is hurting your kids.

Hugs
Trish

[hopealwayz]

Hi Steph,
I'm glad that you are here.

Welcome to the family!

[CarolD]

I coud quit alone but to stay sober

I needed God and AA.

Good to see you...

[tool]

God bless you, I know how hard it is to admit to having a problem and then dealing with it is just as hard. I've only been sober a month and a half now! but I'm also pregant and I wonder if I had'ent gotten pregant would I be sober? probly not I'm sad to say! but it feels so good to be sober I'm happier then I was before, so give it a chance you'll see it does feel good! take care and welcome to sr.

[splendra]

((((Jose Killing Me))))

Welcome!

I used to drink lots of tekillia. Jose' was my very best friend. I was a very bad girl. Getting clean was hell. I had acupunture, psyco therapy, nutritional counseling, and other types of bodywork. I do not believe I could have gotten sober without my angels all around. I have been sober 4 20 years.,

My codie stuff started showing up after I got sober and I finally made it to 12 steps after about 12 years. I attend AA and Ala/Naranon. I am a double winner!! yea!!

[Purrdy]

hi Steph,
Yup I too used to wait until the kids were in bed, then as the disease progressed over time it got to the point where I just didnt care, I would buy them sweets and stuff to keep them occupied while I bought boose, the drinking time became earlier and earlier in the day, I had to take something just to keep the edge off.....
Eventually I got to drinking everyday,and I would drink anything to get a buzz that warm glo just to take the edge of the world I was living so that I could cope....
Sure enough i got into hiding bottles and lying and denying I had a problem...
I bought my husband to his knees, my kids were unhappy, the whole damned house was unhappy and suffering at the hands of a very selfish and self centered alcoholic who only cared about where the next drink was coming from.....

I eventually got into recovery I chose the AA route because I didnt know what else to do, I was at my wits end, bewildered, ashamed, guilt ridden, feeling utterly hopeless, miserable and still unable to cope...

That was 5 years ago and Im coming up to my 5th AA birthday on 15th Feb....

AA worked for me
yes they talk a lot about god and spirituality and stuff, all I wanted was some help to stop destroying my life and that of the people around me..
I still struggle with some aspects of the programme BUT everytime I go to a meeting I meet people who think and feel the same way as me, we share our experience, strength and hope with eachother, for the first time in my life I felt like I belonged somewhere......

I truly hope you find a route into recovery, making the decision to admit you have a problem is the first courageous step!

If you ask for help it will be there....

Love and hugs Purrddyyxxxxx

[spork]

Welcome Steph

Admitting you have a problem is a huge first step. I hope you'll hang around and get to know the really cool sober women who post here. There's lots of love and understanding here.

My daughter was 15 when I sobered up. We had some unpleasant years after that, because I'd never acted like much of a parent when I drank, and naturally she was a little resentful of my sudden interest.

We're mostly okay today - 16 years later. We both work at keeping our relationship today.

Stick around, okay??

spork

[Zilla]

Welcome!!

I am new here too, but I can tell you that so far this place has been nothing but great. There are some really good people here.

Congrats for making the first step and admitting the problem, I only did this myself last week! And I am 6 days sober now, which seems like a miracle to me.

Keep coming back here and finding inspiration and strength, it is working for me so for. And if I can do it anyone can!! (((((((hugs)))))))))