Day 6 - A question about meeting types...

[toliveagain]

Hi All,

I'm on day 6 of sobriety - coping by reading everything I can on this site and others, and dealing with physical withdrawal symptoms much as I did when I quit smoking. I'm doing ok so far. Its no fun, but I'm feeling strong.

One message is clear: meetings are key to success for most/many people. So, I need help figuring out how to choose a meeting group. Here are my concerns:

1. I live in a small gossipy town and I have a lot of children in the local schools. I'd rather go somewhere far enough away that this doesn't become my neighbor's business.

2. I'm not religious in the traditional sense, so some of the higher being language of AA meetings doesn't really connect for me. How much of an issue is that?

3. If you attend a group that is for women only, does this provide some advantage?

4. Should I try to find a group targeted to new people?

5. Are there other criteria I should look at? Should I just float around group to group until I find one I'm comfortable with?

Thanks for your help!

[Cathy31]

Hi there, To live!

I'm so pleased for you, what a great decision!!!

Here's my take on what you're asking :


1. I live in a small gossipy town and I have a lot of children in the local schools. I'd rather go somewhere far enough away that this doesn't become my neighbor's business.

That's ok, you can do whatever suits you best...however, I will say that what you'll find is that non-alcholics don't know where meetings are and the only people you will meet in Closed meetings are alcoholics who probably know and appreciate confidentiality as much as you. But sure, if you wish to go elsewhere first, absolutely!!

2. I'm not religious in the traditional sense, so some of the higher being language of AA meetings doesn't really connect for me. How much of an issue is that?
This is not an issue at all. I can promise you. You will want to pick up a copy of the big book - or read online, go to google and look up "aa big book online" There is a very very good chapter called To The Agnostic. I think you will find it useful. You probably wouldn't believe how often I have heard people share in meetings that they REALLY were put off by the God thing, but they are now comfortable and realise it NEVER had anything to do with religion. (people outside of aa find this hard to accept, but it really is true!!! )

3. If you attend a group that is for women only, does this provide some advantage?
I think that really depends on you. If you are someone that is uncomfortable around men, then maybe. Personally I have found the men in the meetings I have gone to to be probably (for me) more warm and welcoming than the women...that could also be because there are hardly any women in my area, and the one that is always there is a real battle-axe (seriously!!!) Anyway, if you have the opportunity, perhaps try both and decide for yourself.

4. Should I try to find a group targeted to new people?
I think you should just go to the first meeting you can find and see how you find it...which brings me to...

5. Are there other criteria I should look at? Should I just float around group to group until I find one I'm comfortable with?
I would strongly recommend this! I went to all meetings in different locations at first and I now have a real preference list. All were helpful don't get me wrong, but I really prefer some locations to others. As in 4 above, if you can get to your first meeting, and take it from there...the world will be your oyster!!!

Good for you and great decision!!

There are women with a lot more experience than me who will be along, hope this is helpful as a start!

Please tell us how you get on!!! This is a fantastic decision! Well done!!!

Cathy31
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[bikerbabe]

Originally Posted by toliveagain

Hi All,

I'm on day 6 of sobriety - coping by reading everything I can on this site and others, and dealing with physical withdrawal symptoms much as I did when I quit smoking. I'm doing ok so far. Its no fun, but I'm feeling strong.

Congratulations! Keep coming back!

One message is clear: meetings are key to success for most/many people. So, I need help figuring out how to choose a meeting group. Here are my concerns:

1. I live in a small gossipy town and I have a lot of children in the local schools. I'd rather go somewhere far enough away that this doesn't become my neighbor's business.

I am sure when you experience meetings, you will come to understand that there is anonymity that is utmost important to us all. You will see your neighbors in meetings along with local police, judges, lawyers, doctors, veteranarians, pastor's, etc. Go to meetings where you are comfortable. I like my little neighborhood meeting in a facility right across the street from my local High School.

2. I'm not religious in the traditional sense, so some of the higher being language of AA meetings doesn't really connect for me. How much of an issue is that?

Please do not worry too much about this issue. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. The rest will come in time if/when you are willing. Understand that the concept of a higher power does not necessarily have to be God. It means something other than yourself.

3. If you attend a group that is for women only, does this provide some advantage?

I like both types of meetings. If I need to talk about something that I want a little more support with, I will got to the women's meetings.

4. Should I try to find a group targeted to new people?

There are newcomer meetings however, the newcomer is the lifeblood of any meeting. You might want to also try a Big Book study or a step meeting.

5. Are there other criteria I should look at? Should I just float around group to group until I find one I'm comfortable with?

Yes, float around until you find a group that has what you want and need. I found my group when, on my first meeting, I ran into an old friend from High School who had been sober for awhile. I knew I was home. There are non-smoking meetings, GLBT meetings, biker meetings, etc. Do you have a meeting schedule for meetings in your area? They should have one wherever you choose to go to meetings so when you feel more comfortable in sobreity, you might want to check out other meetings.

Thanks for your help!

Good luck and keep coming back!

bb

[CarolD]

Welcome to a wonderful future!

Cathy saved me from a lot of typing.. as she is correct from my AA experience.

Here is a link..

http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/F...A_Meeting.html


I will add that Jan. is geared to Step 1 and so you will be starting at the top.

Just go and you need not speak.
You can always say
"Pass" or "I am here to listen"

Hugs to you and your family....

[toliveagain]

Thank you all for the great tips. I've picked a meeting, I'll go on Monday. I'm pleased to see there are soooo many meetings in my area I'm sure to find one that will work for me.

I'm ready to do this. There has never been a point in time in my life where I've been more willing to admit that I need to change. I'm on day 7 sober, so this isn't just morning after remorse (for the first time). In fact, it wasn't motivated this time by a single event. Its just that I'm so tired. I'm really not healthy. And I've got to do something.

Thanks again! You folks are great! I can't wait to come back here and tell you about the meeting.

[Cathy31]

That is SUCH great news, I'm delighted to hear it!

Looking forward to hearing how you get on!

Good for you on 7 days!

Cathy31`
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