Relapse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

DolphinBlue · 01-02-2003, 12:51 AM

Hello all

Firstly, I sure am not trying to rain on anyone's happy new year parade, but I have to get this out and my sponsor well I think I actually sponsor my sponsor lol. I do not mean to sound ungrateful, she's lovely, but she just LOVES to talk. Great for her, not for me.

The first time I shared in a meeting (a few days ago), I got up and proudly announced I would "Never" drink again. Well, the thought "Never say never" plagued my mind for a while. To shorten this story, I realised that I indeed may be in this position, maybe several times and I needed to come up with a plan.

Anyway, I had my first desire to pick up a drink today. It really freaked me out. I thought "This isn't so bad, I can have a drink if I feel like it because now I know I can always come back and get it together again afterwards". So I questioned this thought. Still there. I reminded myself why I wanted to remain sober and I couldn't for the life of me remember how I felt when I went into hospital/detox/first AA meeting. Now I was really scared. I read my reminders. Desire still there, and growing. Now it was almost a physical impulsion and I was imagining taking a huge big swig of hard stuff and imagining the feeling in the back of my throat, the glow afterwards.

So I just told myself to lie down, realise it was just a thought and that it will go away. I fell asleep.

Now, I am grateful that I had this little episode as I know how incredibly cunning this impulsion can be. Still coming up with that plan...it doesn't help to know that it will maybe feel different yet again next time. At least I have an idea though.

Thanks for reading.

Love

DolphinBlue

DolphinBlue · 01-02-2003, 01:05 AM

I forgot to mention, I'm off to a meeting now

Just in case that's what anyone was going to suggest.

Love

DolphinBlue

sealy · 01-02-2003, 04:35 AM

Dolphin, Sounds like you worked you way through the impulse to drink a little bit at a time and made it through just fine.
I think you are handling things well and going to the meeting is a great thing to do.
I am not sure exactly how to completly change and get away from addictions but I do know that to do it one day at a time is the only way to go.
If you can make it through one minute, one hour, then one day, and then one night before you know it is another day with the sun coming up and you and us being so very proud of you for making it one more sober day.

Sealy :okay:

DolphinBlue · 01-02-2003, 05:20 AM

Hi sealy

Sometimes I astound myself with my ability to think of absolutely everything BUT the one most important, simple thing. It truly is a spectacular feat.

So glad I went to the meeting and shared. Also, the one person who cracks me up more than anyone I have met through AA so far was there and gave me some great advice/made me laugh at myself.

Feel much better now

Thanks

Love

DolphinBlue

zoomer · 01-02-2003, 07:54 AM

:okay: D-blue, you are soooooooowonderful!

Peacefulpie · 01-02-2003, 09:10 AM

((((((((((((((((((((((((((DB)))))))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))))

myles1 · 01-02-2003, 11:39 AM

Dolphinblue,

Good work on your part for working yourself through that.

In case you don't know it's okay if you feel your sponsor isn't meeting your needs to gewt another one. If you feel you are sponsoring your sponsor you may want to consider getting another one.

Just my thoughts.

Ngaire

Paulie · 01-02-2003, 12:08 PM

Hey DB -

That is recovery working...thanks for sharing!!!

you Go Girl!!!

sealy · 01-02-2003, 12:34 PM

Dolphin Blue, So glad to hear that you are dong good today.

Lots of hugs for you ...

Sealy, :kisshug:

DolphinBlue · 01-02-2003, 07:43 PM

Thank you all once again

I am all warm and fuzzy now

myles, thanks for the advice. We have spoken about our suitability to eachother, she seemed to agree that we are on different tracks. It's all good, we're friends.

So, I am keeping my eyes open. Then maybe I will shut up and stop purging all over this forum! I seem to hold in then explode at the most inappropriate moments!

Anyway, I don't know what I'd do without this site and the people in it!!! I am so grateful

Love

DolphinBlue

01-02-2003, 12:51 AM	#1 (permalink)
DolphinBlue Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 612	Relapse Hello all Firstly, I sure am not trying to rain on anyone's happy new year parade, but I have to get this out and my sponsor well I think I actually sponsor my sponsor lol. I do not mean to sound ungrateful, she's lovely, but she just LOVES to talk. Great for her, not for me. The first time I shared in a meeting (a few days ago), I got up and proudly announced I would "Never" drink again. Well, the thought "Never say never" plagued my mind for a while. To shorten this story, I realised that I indeed may be in this position, maybe several times and I needed to come up with a plan. Anyway, I had my first desire to pick up a drink today. It really freaked me out. I thought "This isn't so bad, I can have a drink if I feel like it because now I know I can always come back and get it together again afterwards". So I questioned this thought. Still there. I reminded myself why I wanted to remain sober and I couldn't for the life of me remember how I felt when I went into hospital/detox/first AA meeting. Now I was really scared. I read my reminders. Desire still there, and growing. Now it was almost a physical impulsion and I was imagining taking a huge big swig of hard stuff and imagining the feeling in the back of my throat, the glow afterwards. So I just told myself to lie down, realise it was just a thought and that it will go away. I fell asleep. Now, I am grateful that I had this little episode as I know how incredibly cunning this impulsion can be. Still coming up with that plan...it doesn't help to know that it will maybe feel different yet again next time. At least I have an idea though. Thanks for reading. Love DolphinBlue

01-02-2003, 09:10 AM	#6 (permalink)
Peacefulpie Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: toto I dont think we're in kansas anymore Posts: 354	((((((((((((((((((((((((((DB)))))))))))))))))))))) )))))))))))) __________________ Take the time to live!!! Life is too short. Dance naked.!!! Alway's Den

01-02-2003, 12:08 PM	#8 (permalink)
Paulie It is what it is!!! Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sobriety Posts: 5,785	Hey DB - That is recovery working...thanks for sharing!!! you Go Girl!!! __________________ I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06 The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR

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01-02-2003, 01:05 AM	#2 (permalink)
DolphinBlue Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 612	I forgot to mention, I'm off to a meeting now Just in case that's what anyone was going to suggest. Love DolphinBlue

01-02-2003, 04:35 AM	#3 (permalink)
sealy Paused Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Georgia Posts: 45	Dolphin, Sounds like you worked you way through the impulse to drink a little bit at a time and made it through just fine. I think you are handling things well and going to the meeting is a great thing to do. I am not sure exactly how to completly change and get away from addictions but I do know that to do it one day at a time is the only way to go. If you can make it through one minute, one hour, then one day, and then one night before you know it is another day with the sun coming up and you and us being so very proud of you for making it one more sober day. Sealy :okay:

01-02-2003, 05:20 AM	#4 (permalink)
DolphinBlue Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 612	Hi sealy Sometimes I astound myself with my ability to think of absolutely everything BUT the one most important, simple thing. It truly is a spectacular feat. So glad I went to the meeting and shared. Also, the one person who cracks me up more than anyone I have met through AA so far was there and gave me some great advice/made me laugh at myself. Feel much better now Thanks Love DolphinBlue

01-02-2003, 07:54 AM	#5 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,495	:okay: D-blue, you are soooooooowonderful!

01-02-2003, 11:39 AM	#7 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	Dolphinblue, Good work on your part for working yourself through that. In case you don't know it's okay if you feel your sponsor isn't meeting your needs to gewt another one. If you feel you are sponsoring your sponsor you may want to consider getting another one. Just my thoughts. Ngaire

01-02-2003, 12:34 PM	#9 (permalink)
sealy Paused Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Georgia Posts: 45	Dolphin Blue, So glad to hear that you are dong good today. Lots of hugs for you ... Sealy, :kisshug:

01-02-2003, 07:43 PM	#10 (permalink)
DolphinBlue Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 612	Thank you all once again I am all warm and fuzzy now myles, thanks for the advice. We have spoken about our suitability to eachother, she seemed to agree that we are on different tracks. It's all good, we're friends. So, I am keeping my eyes open. Then maybe I will shut up and stop purging all over this forum! I seem to hold in then explode at the most inappropriate moments! Anyway, I don't know what I'd do without this site and the people in it!!! I am so grateful Love DolphinBlue

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