still trying

[wakowife]

well it's been a while since i have posted here, but i'm still clean and sober, just feeling a little down in the dumps lately, i think it has to do with the holidays coming up. it's also this time of the year that i have had to deal with a lot of loss in my life, on jan 9, it will be 6 six years that i lost my brother, and then on jan 11 it will be 1 year that my father has passed and then on valentine's day it will be 3 years that my mother is gone.

in all the time that i have tried to get clean and all the clean time that i have now, this is the first time that i 'm going to meetings. i just think that i can use the extra support this time of the year. i never believed in meetings before, because when i did attend a few, a couple of years ago i walked out of them with cravings so bad that i wound up picking up.. i know that sounds like an excuse but there was a time when all some one had to do was talk about what they did when they got high and i wanted to go out and pick up. well i think i'm finally over that, i have been attending aa meetings in my neighborhood because i dont seem to be able to find any na meetings around here. i have met some really nice people and i'm finally starting to make some sober friends. it's been 3 years that i'm clean but i have kept to my self and never really made many friends. it's not because i was getting high with anyone, when i did get high it was usually by myself. but i guess i was afraid to make friends because then my "secret" would get out. i now know differently.

i just felt like sharing my thoughts tonight. i just came back from a meeting and i'm feeling a little lonely for some reason. my husband tries to be supportive, but i know that he really doesnt understand what i'm going thru. and since i just started to meet people, he really doesnt want anyone coming to the house until he meets them and " as he says feels them out". some times i feel like he doesnt know me at all and as much as he tries to understand me he just cant. i guess there are times that i feel like we are living in 2 seperate worlds and i'm not sure if we will ever be on the same level again.

sorry to just keep going on, just had to let that all out.

thanks for listening

Bernadette

[CarolD]

Wow! You are not trying you are
making progress!

Congratulations!

[ODAT]

Is your husband going to any recovery program of his own?

I think its good that your going to meetings and such in your area and probably a good thing that they are A.A. meetings rather than N.A. since then you're less likely to be triggered by people mentioning what drug etc they used and such. Just keep remembering that a drug is a drug and it shouldn't matter what meetings you attend so long as recovery is the goal in the meetings.

Do you have phone numbers of other women and such there? I found that that helped a lot even though I was afraid to call them for quite some time. I think that whilst its good to try and understand your husband and make allowances for him and such, still it is important that we put our recovery first and formost so I would ask if there isn't a middle ground that you guys can find? Maybe it would be ok for you to go out with some of the women for coffee after the meeting or perhaps there is an open meeting or two that you can ask your husband to go with you.

I, too, think you have done extremely well and can well understand why Christmas time is hard for those of us in recovery. I know in my area we double up our meetings over the Christmas holidays and have a place for sober-recovering people to go to on Christmas eve and Christmas day--even if its just so we can touch base and keep our recovery during the season.

[bikerbabe]

Oh my God!!! You have feelings!! Congratulations! Frightening huh? My friend Q says that you have to "go through the pain to see the results." He was referring to weightlifting however, I like to use it in recovery. Now, the real work begins...

When I was getting sober, I knew that I had to go to meetings, I just didn't know about all the work that was involved. When people talked about getting God (or the higher power of your choice), I had no idea what they were talking about. Then, I had to get a sponser? What! What the heck is a sponser?!? Steps? WTF!!!

So, I listened. Then, I began to understand that there is much more to being sober than just not drinking/using. Miracles and great relief come through working the steps with another person. They say "don't leave before the miracle happens."
bb

[ODAT]

So, I listened. Then, I began to understand that there is much more to being sober than just not drinking/using. Miracles and great relief come through working the steps with another person. They say "don't leave before the miracle happens."
_____________

I pray for the miracles well put!

[wakowife]

thanks everyone for all your positive input., i have gotten phone numbers of other women at the meetings, and ocassionally i go out for coffee with some of them after meetings, but there is still the whole trust issue with my husband, even after all this time, he goes into a tizzy if i'm a few minutes late and i dont call. he's not comfortable with the whole recovery thing, although he supports me 100%, he said that he would never be able to attend any meetings with or without me.

when i was in thearphy, there were times when my thearpist asked that if he had some free time for him to come with me, he never did. both my kids attended some sessions with me, but they were not totally at ease with it.

i guess only time will tell

Bernadette

[apple]

Originally Posted by wakowife

well it's been a while since i have posted here, but i'm still clean and sober, just feeling a little down in the dumps lately, i think it has to do with the holidays coming up. it's also this time of the year that i have had to deal with a lot of loss in my life, on jan 9, it will be 6 six years that i lost my brother, and then on jan 11 it will be 1 year that my father has passed and then on valentine's day it will be 3 years that my mother is gone.

in all the time that i have tried to get clean and all the clean time that i have now, this is the first time that i 'm going to meetings. i just think that i can use the extra support this time of the year. i never believed in meetings before, because when i did attend a few, a couple of years ago i walked out of them with cravings so bad that i wound up picking up.. i know that sounds like an excuse but there was a time when all some one had to do was talk about what they did when they got high and i wanted to go out and pick up. well i think i'm finally over that, i have been attending aa meetings in my neighborhood because i dont seem to be able to find any na meetings around here. i have met some really nice people and i'm finally starting to make some sober friends. it's been 3 years that i'm clean but i have kept to my self and never really made many friends. it's not because i was getting high with anyone, when i did get high it was usually by myself. but i guess i was afraid to make friends because then my "secret" would get out. i now know differently.

i just felt like sharing my thoughts tonight. i just came back from a meeting and i'm feeling a little lonely for some reason. my husband tries to be supportive, but i know that he really doesnt understand what i'm going thru. and since i just started to meet people, he really doesnt want anyone coming to the house until he meets them and " as he says feels them out". some times i feel like he doesnt know me at all and as much as he tries to understand me he just cant. i guess there are times that i feel like we are living in 2 seperate worlds and i'm not sure if we will ever be on the same level again.

sorry to just keep going on, just had to let that all out.

thanks for listening

Bernadette

just wanted you to know someone out here is listening ,and i think your doing a great job of getting out there and meeting people. i to have a hard time during the holidays.i was raised an orphan ,in different foster homes you get the picture. anyway,this year i am not only sober but i also have people in my life who care for me.so even though it is uncomforatable at times i am atleast trying to get into the holiday spirit.its actually been fun.i have a tree ,with ornaments even (smile)i guess what i'm trying to say is change is uncomforatable but we must if we are to thrive in this thing called recovery.your attempting to make friends in the (sober) community is terrific !!!!!! you know as an alternative to bringing home your new friends,you could try meeting them for coffee at a local coffee shop.i dont blame your husband for being a little standoffish really,some in the program havent how can i say this nicely ? intrergrated all of the 12 steps into there lives as much as others. in all honesty you should be careful.its not such a bad idea to get to know anybody before you bring them home,that holds true in everyday life ,so dont be hard on your husband Bernadette hes just trying to protect you because he loves you.you keep up the good work and remember somebodies out here listening.your new friend Apple (thats really my name)

[Rowan]

Hi Bernadette,

Thank you for posting. It has reminded me to be grateful that I still have all of my family; especially around the holidays. Congratulations on your clean time, it's so good to have you here

Love Rowan

[2stop]

((((((((((((((Bernadette))))))))))))))))) Huge hugs coming your way..