Is it really love?

[KcCrystal]

Okay I'm really torn right now... I'm having extremely strong feelings for someone, and I just don't know if it's right. This person shares the feelings, but there's an age gap between us. I know age is just a number. But I'm scared of doing something wrong. All these emotions right now are just making me doubt the seriousness of this.. I don't want to hurt this person at all.. I just wanna know if I'm making the right moves, and taking things one step at a time. I don't know why I'm doubting myself. I just feel unsure I guess..

[namommy]

That's a tough question.
Other than the age thing, are there any other reasons to have doubts?
Take it a step at a time, a day at a time, and let God make the decisions.

[Phinneas]

What's your motivation, Crystal? What does your HP say?

I do a heart, head and a gut check when I am unsure about something like this. For example, I had a relationship over the summer with someone I care about very deeply. I started backing away in the Fall and I had to do some hard soul searching. My heart said yes, but my head and my gut both said no, so I ended the relationship. I still miss it, but I know it's the right thing to do for me at this time.

What I am getting at is that only you can answer these questions and that the answers always lie within.

[KcCrystal]

Age & distance.. I feel so strongly.. But I'm actually scared. I've never really felt this way about anyone before. And I'm wondering it's really love, or just a crush.. My head gets into a spin when I talk to this person.. I just feel all mushy inside. I'll have a talk with them later.. I really want it to go forward, but the age distance is holding me back.. I'm 26, and they're 18 :[ So that's one reason I'm holding myself back. I don't want to be considered a weirdo for loveing someone younger then me..

[51anna]

Well, I wouldn't worry for a minute what other people think about anything you do Crystal!! If this person is 18 and an adult, the age gap doesn't seem like such a big thing. Something to remember is that no one ever feels sure when they're entering into a relationship that it is truly love or not. There is always risk involved when you fall for someone new. But, don't worry about what others think.

[CarolD]

I suggest my sponsees finish their AA Steps before they begin a new relationship.

Those who do seem to find a smoother road.

This may not apply to you....I do not know what recovery path you are on.

[KcCrystal]

I'm not in any program... Well I kinda am. I'm an ACOA. But the girls know me here, and I feel really comfortable talking to them..

[BlueMoon]

... I don't want to be considered a weirdo for loveing someone younger then me.. ...

Wellllll - i met someone who is 16 years younger than me - (gulp)
he's 31, i'm 47 - doesn't bother HIM a bit - and when i realized that the ONLY thing that bothers me about being with him is "the numbers"? Well, i decided to work on that NOT being an issue - or such a huge one anyway!

For the 1st time in my life, I "fell in like" before I fell in love. We have FUN, the same weird sense of humor, the same tastes in just about everything, both sober in AA (+ I'm Al-anon as well) - We just LIKE being with each other!

I prayed alot, I thought alot, yes we discussed it alot as well - I decided to take a chance, take it ONE DAY AT A TIME and ENJOY being together TODAY. All we have is Today after all.

That's working for me - for US.

and oh yeah, even after 3 months together, I can still feel this silly grin appear on my face when he walks in the room - and I can see the silly grin on HIS face as well.

This might not work out, then again it might. I decided it's worth the risk, all of the "todays" so far have been so darned good, I wouldn't have missed them!

(ok, ok, I'm still cringing cuz I know my 28yo son will eventually discover that his mom's bf is only 3yrs older than him ---- but that's SON'S to deal with - I'M HAPPY!)


Blessings,
Blue

[KcCrystal]

Thank you all so much for the encouargeing words. I'll just have to take it day by day. ANd She'll have to do the same. I don't want to rush into something and get scared away, or scare her away..It makes me all funny inside, but a happy funn feeling.. I just can't wait for the day I can wrap my arms around her & say I luv ya hun..

[indigo]

I hope you find the happinss you deserve, as for the age I'd say it doesn't count love is ageless and timeless.

hugs indie

[WickidCracked]

im 18 my man was 44 we ended up shootin up with eachother
he had 3 months i had like 2 days when we met

peace love happiness
kristin

[KcCrystal]

This just got alot more complicated... She finally told me the truth about her age.. She 15, not 18. She lied to me because she didn't want to lose me.. I'm really stuck now.. That's 12 yrs differance between the 2 of us. And It's against the law. But why am I still feeling so strongly? I just can't shake the fact that I really & truely care about her no matter what the age.. But a part of me is hurt that she lied to me about it.. I've got alot of soul searching to do. I'm scared that her parents will find out and bann her from the computer, which they've already threatened to do.. I don't want to hurt her in any way. I told her last night I'd be there for her no matter what. But now I'm just left doubting..

[dollydo]

New Ballgame! A 15 year old is what we use to call jail bait. Her mind is still formulating. she is not an adult, she is still in the infatuation stage.

Also, someone who has done drugs, has a disposition to stop growing emotionally..my abf is 40, he has the maturity of a 17yr old.....the age he got into drugs...

You may want to give this some real serious thought.

Dolly

[Paulie]

She is just a kid, I have a 15 year old step daughter who is in love with someone else every other week. you are the adult here, and you need to be the adult.

[KcCrystal]

I guess I'm going to have to tell her no go. I will always be there for her as a friend though.. God I hate not being 100% sure on anything I do. I thought I had this all figured out till I found out the age thing.

[51anna]

Be careful Crystal. You can get into legal trouble for even sending emails to a 15 yr old where it might sound like you're trying to 'come on to her' in anyway. For example, if you were to suggest, via email, to meet her, you could be arrested for that. It happened to a 25 yr old friend of my daughter's. He was emailing a 16 yr old girl and the girls parents found out about the email exchange and went to the police. He ended up in jail and had to spend a fortune on lawyers to clear himself.

The way I see this, you have no option now, but to do the right thing and step away.

[Paulie]

She is just a kid, even telling her that you will be there for her as a friend after you have already told her care more for her will just confuse her. Being the adult IMO, it is your responsiblity to do what is right. Just wish her the best and move on.

Can I ask you something? well I will but you dont have to answer it. Have you two ever met in person, or do you just talk on line?

[Chy]

Step away Crystal.

[KcCrystal]

We just talk on the computer. I hate having to hurt her this way. I understand that I have to though. God this is breaking my heart.. I'm fighting back tears as we speak. This is so hard. I'm not the kinda person who likes hurtting somones feeling no matter what. Damn it.

[Paulie]

Crystal -

Everytime I have read this thread today it has given me an ache in my stomach.

Please do not be offended by this, I am speaking to you as the parent of a 15 year old. A parent of a 15 year old who is not allowed to be alone on the internet anylonger because she was talking to older people that she did not know, in her case older guys, but the same thing kind of.

You need to leave this young girl alone. You are 26 years old. I know you dont like hurting people, I understand that, but she is a kid and you have to look at the big picture here. She may hurt for a bit, but in the big picture she is better off not thinking that a 26 year old is in love with her and her life is going to change because of it. And you have never met, yes you care for her, but how can you be in love with a 15 year old, she doesnt even know who she is yet?

Crystal, move on, let it go, that is what you should do if you care for her.

[BlueMoon]

I agree - Step Away!

[indigo]

Me too KC,
She's still just a child, keep searching you'll find you're 'right' someone. As well as the legal aspect you are still raw. I know you'll do the right thing, be kind , let her down gently and firmly. As Paulie said ...... step away.

hugs indie

[boop64132]

Ok Crystal....ya know I love ya GF,but I have to speak also from a parents view of teenage daughters.
RUN...DONT WALK!
Maybe it's just me but how can anyone say they love someone they have never met but only talk to on the computer??!!
I am going through this with my own daughter as I type this!
She says she is in love with a girl clear across the world,but has never met.I just dont understand this and its driving me insane!!

I guess Im from "the old school" where we actually get to know each other in person.I mean does anyone ever actually date anymore??
You know dating.....movies;eating out;go to a concert;picnics;a romantic dinner for two??

How the hell can you say you love someone that you have never met before?
Hell..they could be a perv or even worse a muderer! a rapist! a child molester!

Let me take you back about a year ago.The person that I met online that said she was my friend and when I met her she became my worst nightmare!! I could not get rid of her!She even took advantage of my own mother.And now she is gone! And took my mothers money with her!
I am ASHAMED of myself for permitting myself to be taken in by this woman (or so she calls herself) and allow her to call herself my friend!

Wake up Crystal honey...please move on.
Be patient.You will find someone.

[KcCrystal]

It takes alot for me to walk away from a something.. I completely understand that I have to walk away. But I'm not at all taking it easily.. I've been misguided in so many attempts at "love".. I've been tempted to just say screw it, and I'll never find anyone my age. I guess being burnt can really scar ya.. I trusted someone also Betty, and I also got screwed. After that I've been hesitant to trust again. And when I started talking to this girl. I thought it was all right. No romance at all, just good friendship. Slowly the true feelings came forward from her first.. God Damn it all. I can never win for my thoughts get in the way.. My heart is going one way, my mind another. Why can't they ever agree?? I've been crying alot the past few days.. Just so unsure of myself..

[51anna]

Crystal, you have absolutely no choice in this situation, no choice whatsoever.

What you are considering doing is illegal, not to mention unethical and harmful to this child you have met.

You will meet the right person at the right time. But now is not it.