Disgusted

[KcCrystal]

Will this world ever flipping change?? Why are some people so stuck on the idea that if your Gay/Bi, your repulsive. And why are so many "religous people so hatefull towards gays/bi people when they claim to love everyone.. I'm just so disgusted with it. Why won't people let me be who I really am, instead of trying to change me.. I know who I am. I don't want to change that. I learned the hard way that being fake hurts yourself & the people around you. But why are people not accepting of someone differant? It's just insanely stupid for people to judge when they don't know the feelings behind it..

[Chy]

I understand what your saying but I don't think it's simply limited to sexual orientation, I can list an array of insensitive types and it's just basic values, upbringing, environment that people learn and react out of their own fear is my perception. I do think with time more and more will be accepting of gay people, fat people, handicapped people, ..you get my point. It's a cultural issue people are still getting used to as now it's not as uncommon or hidden as it used to be. With time more will understand but I also know that won't change a persons natural tendency towards predjudice and bias.

I truly admire people who can be who they are and remain comfortable in their own skin be them gay/lesbian/fat/handicapped/purple/bald whatever. The more confidence you elude with who you are, the acceptance of your lifestyle choice, the inner peace you have with being comfortable of Crystal being Crystal will perservere.

I've been teaching for 11 years now, and when I started there were never gay couples comfortable in being "out". Fast forward to today, I have 2 pairs of lesbian couples in my class, there is a transvestite, and though the male gay teens seem to have a harder time their clearly visible in the student population. They're confident, comfortable and these are the ones that have a nice circle of friends.

It truly is a sad state of affairs dealing with predjudice in our world, it's not you, it's them, like I said, their own fears of the unknown. Does it hurt? You betcha but it shouldn't weigh you down keep you from being the real you. There's more people that will accept you then not. Don't let it keep you from being a proud, confident, gay woman Crystal.

[UrbanFool]

Honey? Be who you are. What I ALL have to say about all kinds of things is best left to private posts, but just be you, and realize that the idiots are exactly that.

Kelly

[UrbanFool]

Yeah, what chy said.

K.

[KcCrystal]

It took me along time to finally sift through all the crap in my past to finally be where I am today. And I feel like hey, maybe I'm doing okay.. But there's a part of me that still feels like I need to prove myself as a worthy person.. Part of me wishes I had the right person in my life so I can finally feel free of the hurt.. Not only do others judge me for my preferences. I also have weight issues.. That's all part of me. And at times I'm okay with my body. And other times I hate it.. Chy, your words of wisdom are really what I needed to hear.. I really did screw up my life when I lied to everyone.. But now it's like this. Don't like me? Oh well!!! I still look at myself everyday & think is it worth being differant then everyone else.. But I didn't chose to be attracted to the same gender.. It's just me.. I'm differant. But aren't we all in some way?

[cwohio]

crystal - we are all, indeed, different. all shapes, sizes, colors, preferences, personalities and that is what makes this world such an interesting place. there will always be those who turn their noses up at "different", but i think unique is a much better descriptive word. you are unique and i think it's refreshing to find someone who is comfortable at being the "real deal"!

[boop64132]

Crystal,
Just be who you are and be proud!
We are all differant,that's what makes the world what it is.
What a BORING world it would be if we were all the same..LOL
I would hate to see a thousand of "me" everyday!! LMAO

People are critical and scared of what they do not understand.
Sad?YES! But very very true.
People also tend to look at the outside instaed of the inside of someone and who the really are.If they would just open their eyes they would see that Crystal is a good person and that you have grown so much over the past year.

I am proud to say that I know you.
Hang in there kiddo! Keep your head up.
I love ya!

[hopealwayz]

Crystal,
Be proud of who you are! If people don't accept you for the wonderful person you are, then they are the ones missing out on getting to know a great person.

Love ,
Cheryl

[51anna]

Crystal,

You know you have lots of friends here at SR. We may not 'know' you in the conventional way, but we know you in a way that matters far more. I've known you since you first came here and I remember the pain you were feeling and how very hard you were struggling. Since that time, you have learned a lot - being honest, for example. That's such a biggie and not easy to learn, but you have. Give yourself a lot of credit for what you've accomplished. I was in my late forties before I learned about honesty!

And Chy is absolutely right. I saw statistics just yesterday that talked about the exact same thing. Teenage girls and boys are coming out about being gay/lesbian on an average of 4 years earlier than they were.

"According to Time Magazine, four decades ago the majority of lesbians reported having their first same-sex attractions at age 17. In the last decade, the average age dropped to 12. For gay boys 40 years ago, most said they knew they were gay at age 14. Male teens today say they've known since they were at least 10 years old. And these new gay teens are acting on their feelings sooner, too. Today the average age of the first sexual experience for lesbians is 16 and for gay boys is 14."

This is progress. I also think that many of us, me included, have experienced prejudice, in one way or another, against us because of our addiction. I think I understand how you feel.

Keep posting.

[KcCrystal]

I was really hesitant to come back here after what I put people through.. But I felt like I was missing part of my family.. So I bravely came back. And I feel like a better person by being just who I am, and not who I think people would like.. I guess I've learned that being me has gotten me ahead.. I still strugle day to day though. But don't we all.. I thank you all for welcomeing me back to SR.. I really did miss all of you.. I wrote this last night:

Those who know me
Love me
Thoes who don't
Judge me
Do you want to know me
Just open the door
To my soul
Talk to me
Learn about me
Maybe you'll
Learn to love me
As I am
Not as who
You want me to be

[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by KcCrystal

Maybe you'll
Learn to love me
As I am
Not as who
You want me to be

((((Crystal))))

That is beautiful. And true for us ALL, I think.

I read that what we all want and need deep down inside is love and acceptance. I agree. That's what I want.

One of the things the program teaches - look for the similarities, not the differences. This is a trusim for LIFE, not just recovery.

[KcCrystal]

Tonight I went through every single one of my past posts on SR, and I felt my self moved to tears. All of the total BS. And then I saw posts where I was truthfull in seeking guidence.. It's taken a very very long battle for me to finally accept myself. I feel alot better knowing that I can just be myself, and not hide from me anymore.. And Tomorrow I will face my fear & try to tell my family.. Comeing out will be a very very hard thing for me.. But I will try and make it work.. Wish me luck that my HP guides me through this difficult chapter of my life.. And I pray for acceptence from my friends & family. I hope they allow me to be free of the the fear I hold inside about telling them.. At least I'm happy with myself finally. Tears will probally flow tomorrow. And I might end up hurt, but I have to finally free myself from the control, and the hatefull additude they show me.. Time for me to stand strong for once, and let my soul & heart guide me towards the future..

[51anna]

I hope you get a positive and accepting response from your family and friends tomorrow. I think that choosing to follow your soul's path is always the right way to go.

Let us know how things work out.

[KcCrystal]

Well this day sucked a bit one.. I told them and it went badly. They refuse to even look at me now. I guess I know how they feel. Maybe it'll take time.. I don't know, it was a very trying day.. Just want to get away from it all..

[boop64132]

Maybe it will just take some time Crystal,hang in there.
(((Hugs)))

[51anna]

Crystal, I'm sorry this went badly for you. It must have been so sad. But, regardless of how your family feels about it, you are still a beautiful and worthwhile person. Don't allow them to bring you down.

[Chy]

I'm sorry it went bad to Crystal but give them some time. For some reason I just assumed they knew. Give them their space in learning to accept the truth. My brother came out a couple of years ago and though I had a clue I never could have the courage to simply ask him until one day he told me for sure. It didn't change anything in how I felt about him except worry in that he would never find true love. He had lived with a girl for 6 years and they had plans to get married but gratefully found the true him and broke it off. I worry he'll never have children and never find a life partner, that's all I want for him to never be lonely and find love.

Now my mom and other brother have taken it pretty hard and though they do accept his lifestlye have hopes he'll change. It's taken a couple of years for my mom to be able to come face to face with his partner, my brother won't have any of it. It takes a family who grew conservativly together time Crystal. Let them get over the "shock" (and I don't even like using that word), but give them their space in finding their own way to accept it. Maybe they will and maybe they won't. But you were honest and open and the big secret is out and that in it self shoul give YOU some relief to also grow and move on with your life.

In the couple years you've been here Crystal what changes have you made to move on, grow, find your own happiness? That's when your going to find the change in you occuring Crystal. We're all responsible for our own destiny. Only we can make those positive changes of moving on. They may be scary, uncertain, lonely, but until we make that plan for change my dear nothing will change and before you know it another year has gone by living in unhappiness and disappointment and then we're stuck. We're to scared to move or change our situation because we "settle". Your to young to settle Crystal and there is a big beautiful world awaiting your arrival. If the family is what is holding you back, and from what I've read and do know about you that seems to be your biggest anchor. Cut it loose, don't settle, have confidence in your ability to grow and change and find happiness.

[Little Missy]

((Crystal)) I'm sorry for the way things went. Maybe it will get better with time. Just be you and be comfortable with who you are.

My best friend is gay and we had some rough times. She still tends to "pull away" at times. But I love her just the same as before I knew she was gay!!

Hugs,
Missy

[KcCrystal]

I had an offer from a friend. She wants me to come & stay with her, and get on my own 2 feet.. But I'd have to leave behind my dogs.. Which I don't know if I could do.. It'd break my heart leaveing them at home. But this is chance for me to be my own person.. But being my own person without my dogs.. I guess I gotta think about it for awhile..

[Chy]

Now listen, you know you get unconditional love from your animals right? If they could speak what do you think they would say to you?

[51anna]

Crystal, I think your dogs would want you to 'fly'. They'd want you to live your life and be happy. This is an opportunity, probably a bit scary, but a chance to do what you want to do and to be Crystal.

Maybe this could be temporary and you could get your dogs back after you got established. Think about it.

[KcCrystal]

They'd probally just want me to be happy. Maybe I could contact a rescue group for my dogs, or find someone who'll keep them for me until I get settled.. If I have to I will re-home them if that's what best for them.. Right now I gotta focus on me for awhile.. It's hard for me to accept this change without thinking about my pets.. They're the ones who've been by me through everything, without judgeing me. I really do over think things alot. So I'm just struggleing with this decision.

[51anna]

I know how you feel Crystal. When I was drinking, my cat was the only one who didn't judge me and was still happy to see me!! But when you said you have to take care of yourself right now, you are SO right. Get settled, start moving in the direction you want your life to go. Of course you can't accept this change for your pets without a lot of thought and consideration. But, I think you know in your heart what is the right thing to do now.

I really applaud you for talking to your family and for making this decision. It shows maturity and growth and you should be proud of yourself.

[wolflet]

Originally Posted by Chy

Now listen, you know you get unconditional love from your animals right? If they could speak what do you think they would say to you?

beautiful gently arrow chy......