4th Step Questions - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

mezing1 · 11-13-2005, 08:21 PM

I am working on my 4th step and am finding that the majority of my resentments are towards myself for the bad choices I have made, my using, etc. Has anyone else done a 4th step and found this same thing or is this just another sign of self-centeredness?

UrbanFool · 11-13-2005, 08:44 PM

Keep thinking on it. Just Thursday I started my 4th step and feel exactly the same way. I find it really hard to resent other people when I brought this all on myself. My sponsor says to just keep thinking and don't even THINK about giving her my list for a few weeks. Oh... check this out.

It's 122kb .pdf file and shouldn't be too big (I'm on a dialup so I'm generally pretty slow here.) But it's interesting reading. It's a worksheet and lesson plan for Step 4.

http://www.recovery.org/aa/PDF/step4.pdf

If you can't open it or something, just holler and I'll play with it tomorrow at work if I'm not in jail.

Kelly

Paulie · 11-14-2005, 08:19 AM

I understand what you are saying. Pray about it and yes keep thinking on it. Just write and write and write, when you do your 5th you will be amazed at what comes out of it. That is why we do it with another person, as we talk to them we get another persons perspective on things. Resentments came out during my 5th that I was unaware I was carrying around with me.

pmaslan · 11-14-2005, 01:59 PM

Hey Urban Fool....
Thanks for sharing that info with us...
A while back I mentioned on Friends and Family
another great book by Melody Beattie, I have found useful,
"Codependents' Guide To The Twelve Steps."

namommy · 11-14-2005, 03:30 PM

I have myself scattered throughout my 4th step. As I would be writing on 1 thing, something about myself would pop up and I would add it in.

UrbanFool · 11-15-2005, 12:38 PM

I just put the three worksheets (Resentments, Hurts, Fear) from that Step Four .pdf file into an Excel Workbook if anyone wants a copy. I'm using MS Excel 2002, but the only spectacular features are merged cells and verticle text, so it will probably go backward a version or two. Only takes minimal knowledge of Excel to use. This step four is a NIGHTMARE. Step five will probably be WORSE!

(Men are welcome to it too, if you're reading this.)

Kelly

mishelly · 11-15-2005, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mezing1

I am working on my 4th step and am finding that the majority of my resentments are towards myself for the bad choices I have made, my using, etc. Has anyone else done a 4th step and found this same thing or is this just another sign of self-centeredness?

Hi mezing1...Just my opinion of course, but I was at the top of my resentment list . I had a lot of things to be resentful toward myself for. My sponsor told me that she would have had some concerns if I hadn't been on my list. What placing myself on my list allowed me to do was come to terms with some of the bad decisions I made in my life, understand what motivated me to make those decisions (usually selfishess) and then FORGIVE myself for them, thus allowing me to put them all behind me and move on. Wasn't long before I realized this was a key part of my recovery...a part I had "skipped" in my first go around with the steps. This time I haven't relapsed...not yet anyway, and God willing, I won't.

minnie · 11-15-2005, 04:10 PM

I saved this link after someone mentioned it months ago.

http://www.recoveryemporium.com/Articles/Cal4thStep.htm

Whilst I am an al-anon member, rather that AA, I have still found it very useful.

Good luck!

UrbanFool · 11-15-2005, 04:14 PM

Very nice. Thanks Minnie!

Kelly

mezing1 · 11-16-2005, 04:36 PM

Thanks for the input everyone! I was beginning to feel like I was doing my 4th step the "wrong" way but I feel a lot more encouraged now. I talked it over with my sponsor too and she said pretty much the same thing you all have. Thanks for the links too!

11-13-2005, 08:21 PM	#1 (permalink)
mezing1 Searching for balance Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Wausau, WI Posts: 17	4th Step Questions I am working on my 4th step and am finding that the majority of my resentments are towards myself for the bad choices I have made, my using, etc. Has anyone else done a 4th step and found this same thing or is this just another sign of self-centeredness?

11-13-2005, 08:44 PM	#2 (permalink)
UrbanFool Red Hot Chili Pepper Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Jefferson --a State of Mind Posts: 153	Keep thinking on it. Just Thursday I started my 4th step and feel exactly the same way. I find it really hard to resent other people when I brought this all on myself. My sponsor says to just keep thinking and don't even THINK about giving her my list for a few weeks. Oh... check this out. It's 122kb .pdf file and shouldn't be too big (I'm on a dialup so I'm generally pretty slow here.) But it's interesting reading. It's a worksheet and lesson plan for Step 4. http://www.recovery.org/aa/PDF/step4.pdf If you can't open it or something, just holler and I'll play with it tomorrow at work if I'm not in jail. Kelly __________________ It does not pay to leave a dragon out of your calculations if you live near him. ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

11-14-2005, 08:19 AM	#3 (permalink)
Paulie It is what it is!!! Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sobriety Posts: 5,785	I understand what you are saying. Pray about it and yes keep thinking on it. Just write and write and write, when you do your 5th you will be amazed at what comes out of it. That is why we do it with another person, as we talk to them we get another persons perspective on things. Resentments came out during my 5th that I was unaware I was carrying around with me. __________________ I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06 The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR

11-14-2005, 01:59 PM	#4 (permalink)
pmaslan Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Chicago, IL Posts: 2,333	Hey Urban Fool.... Thanks for sharing that info with us... A while back I mentioned on Friends and Family another great book by Melody Beattie, I have found useful, "Codependents' Guide To The Twelve Steps." __________________ Patty you either make dust...or eat dust. H. Jackson Brown Jr.

11-14-2005, 03:30 PM	#5 (permalink)
namommy Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Never, Never land Posts: 2,851 Blog Entries: 1	I have myself scattered throughout my 4th step. As I would be writing on 1 thing, something about myself would pop up and I would add it in. __________________ I came into this program to save my a** and found out it was attached to my soul. -- Anonymous

11-15-2005, 12:38 PM	#6 (permalink)
UrbanFool Red Hot Chili Pepper Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Jefferson --a State of Mind Posts: 153	I just put the three worksheets (Resentments, Hurts, Fear) from that Step Four .pdf file into an Excel Workbook if anyone wants a copy. I'm using MS Excel 2002, but the only spectacular features are merged cells and verticle text, so it will probably go backward a version or two. Only takes minimal knowledge of Excel to use. This step four is a NIGHTMARE. Step five will probably be WORSE! (Men are welcome to it too, if you're reading this.) Kelly __________________ It does not pay to leave a dragon out of your calculations if you live near him. ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

11-15-2005, 04:10 PM	#8 (permalink)
minnie Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: England Posts: 3,410	I saved this link after someone mentioned it months ago. http://www.recoveryemporium.com/Articles/Cal4thStep.htm Whilst I am an al-anon member, rather that AA, I have still found it very useful. Good luck!

11-15-2005, 04:14 PM	#9 (permalink)
UrbanFool Red Hot Chili Pepper Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Jefferson --a State of Mind Posts: 153	Very nice. Thanks Minnie! Kelly __________________ It does not pay to leave a dragon out of your calculations if you live near him. ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

11-16-2005, 04:36 PM	#10 (permalink)
mezing1 Searching for balance Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Wausau, WI Posts: 17	Thanks for the input everyone! I was beginning to feel like I was doing my 4th step the "wrong" way but I feel a lot more encouraged now. I talked it over with my sponsor too and she said pretty much the same thing you all have. Thanks for the links too!

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