Feel Lonely

[clancy]

Hi guys...

I feel really lonely at the moment...I wish,wish i had some girl friends in recovery......I feel funny about seeing the freinds I have cos one is still deep in addiction, and its not healthy for me to see her, and my other friends have never used, and are shocked senseless by my addiction and tend to keep me at arms length now.

My Na group is totally useless....all men apart from one, who i can't really identify with.

I feel so disappointed with NA.... its so dull, the big book and endless monologues on the misery of using.I just can't bring myself to go lately...I'd rather sit thu an endless Bee Gees concert.....

im soooo bored.I cant seem to get a job either, no one wants an ex druggie....'they never really stop you know' 'they would sell their own grannies..' that stuff.

If there was ONE thing i could change about the way i handled this, I desperately wish i had never confided in my doctor.

Now, I cant get a job, i cant get insurance,
my dentist wears at least twenty four pairs of gloves .......

God, that was a stupid thing to do!

Clancy - on beastly downer

[Cassy]

(((Clancy))) I wish I had some wise words for you. Are there any AA groups near you that have more women? Can you maybe sit down with your clean friends and have a serious talk about this disease of addiction and how you miss them and need their companionship? They wouldn`t leave you if you had cancer, would they? I`ll pray for you right now, Clancy, and hope a member wiser than I comes along with better advice.

[Ann]

Clancy

A little something my she-devil sponsor shared with me, and she was absolutely right:

"If you can't change your circumstance..change your attitude".

Think positive Clancy. Make a list of positive things to do for yourself, like finding a better meeting, persevering a the job hunting, sharing the good stuff about recovery with your friends.

Like you, I tend to isolate and bemoan when things just don't seem to be going very well. I force myself to do at least one positive thing each day, and soon life gets better.

Hope this helps just a little.

Hugs

[Juls]

Clancy,

I know how you feel. There are plenty of women in NA where I live, but when I go to meetings, it seems like there is some sort of clique, and I don't know how to fit in. There have only been one or two occasions when I went to a meeting and announced myself as a newcomer that a women came up to me afterwards to say hi or anything. I have tried to introduce myself to some of the other women, but still have not felt welcome. Maybe it's just me.

I do agree with Ann's though, that we have to look to ourselves first. No matter what the obstacles may seem to be in our recovery, if we change our attitudes to look at things differently, things will be alot easier. I have gone to AA meetings and the women there have been alot more friendly and welcoming. It doesn't matter if your an addict and not an alcoholic.

I have never been a drinker, but I know that if I were to drink that it would just start a craving in me for the opiates, so I don't drink.

I'm here for you, as obviously others are here on the board.

That sound's really funky about the job and dentist. I didn't know that where you live your information was not private. I'm in a HMO system right now, and I have not told my Dr. about my addiction problem, for the same reason. I don't want to be labeled as an addict, because of the judgment that goes along with it.

I hope you feel better soon.

Hugs XXXX

Juls

[clancy]

yeah i feel a bit better today....I felt furious with the world yesterday for some reason, really cross and childish.

I just feel annoyed and cheated lately, i really thought sobriety would be good and rewarding,its so slow to yeild fruit though.

I guess i will get out in my garden again today,its looking really lovely, i have planted some fabulous pots.The other day I liberated an old chimney stack i found and planted it up
with loads of purple and white blooms.Now im thinking of building a small pond!

see y'all soon
Clancy

[Juls]

Clancy,

Don't forget to take time out to acknowledge yourself for your achievements and accomplishments. You've made it through your detox and withdrawal, your doing well in school, and you've planted a beautiful garden.

Give yourself a pat on the back o.k.?

Juls

[Peacefulpie]

(((((((( Friend ))))))))))

Wow... As I read your post 3 things come to mind...
(1) I am looking forward to being your friend... my email add. is available, and would love to talk with you.
(2) Try A.A. like you I was bored and loneley in N.A then I got into the fellowship of A.A started doing services work and Oh MY let me say the spiritual awaking and the recovery began to take place....
(3) Attitude honey attitude is 90% everything...
Whatever you experience, whatever happens to you is merely a refelection of your need for an attitude adjustment. You can see life as a series of harsh, cruel events that push you too hard and fast, or you can see life as a process of growth and change to which you must adjust. You can see people as vicious manipulating cutthroats or you can see them as frightened children searching for their own way. You can see a problem as things you must fight against or struggle with, or you can see them as opportunities which pave new paths. You can see your self as hopeless, helpless. defenseless victim, or you you can see your self as a diamond in the rough in the process of transformation. What you see determines what you experience. What you experiences is a reflection of what you need to learn. what you need to learn will show up in your life as an experience providing you with an opportunity to demonstrate a new attitude....

<small>[ May 30, 2002, 09:43 AM: Message edited by: d3y ]</small>

[Tinker]

Yo Clancy.....I started in NA and switched to AA after I did my steps. I could not relate either...the groups here are made up of very young people and they never talked recovery. Always drugalogs...and the format before the meetings are so long and left no time for sharing at a hour meeting, which is what they have here. Most the women I hooked up with in AA were dually addicted. I do not believe its what you did but why...and after I admitted I was a addict the rest of the steps worked with anyway.

I also came in very hard core and I wanted to stop that nasty attitude, and I saw people in AA that had sweet hearts and got a sponsor that was dually addicted, feminine and soft spoken but firm...I do not believe in tough love.

NA works for many...I like it because they consider alcohol a drug...where AA does not. But in 13 years I have never been kicked out of a AA meeting for talking about drugs in a general way..I respect AA and its not necessary to go on about drugalogs or even drunkaglogs I want recovery.

Maybe that is a solution for you...I tried NA for 3 months to make sure i gave it a shot. Even in AA women are harder to get close to...I see the men and envy them.....I never identified with women. You are welcome to stop by my group above click on the house. Its not seperated by 12 step groups..there are some rooms if people do want to go there exclusively however we all post in the General area drug addicts , drunks, alanons..it does not matter...

You can always email me, we are a new group but growing, and there will be no one telling what to talk about. In the face to face world people are a bit more critical..in these groups as in here we are all one big family. I even go to Alanon meetings, and COda meetings, I get something out of all..I do NA also still. I just found for me AA was the cadilac of the programs and found more women there. Nothing against NA as I also have many NA friends....being the dope fiend I was....

[gazzy111]

How do you get in touch and chat or post with the members of this group?

[gazzy111]

how do u get in touch with members of this group?

[Paulie]

Hi gazzy and welcome to SR.

You posted in WIR (Women In Recovery). Take a look around the site and you will find many other forums to post on.

And just by responding here like you did, you will meet others to chat with.

Welcome to SR.

[ladybug little]

ladies,
it was reassuring for me to hear that even across the country experiances are the same. i too have trouble listening to the "war stories" i hear so often. i have na friends as well but have found my home in aa. i had a hard time trusting women and it was difficult to reach out but once i did-WHOA-what a blessing my sisters have been. hope your days are looking up.

ladybug little

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
-William Shakespeare

[Purrdy]

Hi clancy you are never alone never ever
It may feel like it now but remember there is always something or someone who can help, all you have to do is ask...
You have made it onto the site which is brilliant isnt it?
There are so many lovely people who know exactly how you feel
Im in UK too
Im in AA you could try it? I know a lot of people who went to NA and then t AA, at least you are putting your hand out for help, theres always someone or something that will be there. You can always ask your HP it is always there!
Love Purrrdddyyyyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx

[BigSis]

I've met some wonderful women in AA... mostly double winners who also attend Alanon.

Is there someone who's drugging or using affects you? Perhaps that friend of yours still out there? Maybe an Alanon meeting would be a place to meet some new faces.

Additionally, I participate in step studies, a woman's group and attend conferences... the women I meet in these surroundings have taught me a lot. One of the things I do when I am in a group where I am the youngest... and believe me, that does NOT happen much anymore! ... anyway, I try to picture whomever I speaking with as she might have looked 40 years ago. I listen for clues about her youth and exuberance and passion and desires. Sometimes, when things get rockin', I can no longer divide the young from the old... sometimes.

Do you have anyone in the program to do an AA or NA road trip? Take a long weekend and travel to cities and towns a day's drive away and attend their meetings... just to see if they do it any different. My sponsor challenges all of her sponsees to do this in order to understand that the meetings are alike, but also have their own flavor and tone.

I hope today is better for you.... let me know if you come up with other ideas about meeting friends in the program. I don't believe you are the only one struggling with that.

[Paulie]

Ladies, this thread got bumped up, it was from 5/2002. Unfortunatley Clancy has not been here in a very long time, I for one miss her!!

Lets send out some prayers that she is okay and comes by and sees us soon.

[ladybug little]

she's in my prayers.

ladybug little

[gazzy111]

Thank you paulie. I'll do that.

[indigo]

Little sis you're back sorry not on true Clancy form, back all the same. Have you been travelling again? taking wonderful photo's.....I've a thousand main one you already answered by being above ground.take care sis love you indie.

[underaudit]

hi clancy...dont be so down dear, its just for today

[indigo]

Aw I just read that the thread had been bumped, I thought Clancy was back from India again, I miss her too Paulie.

[faithwalk]

Hi.

I am new to this board and even though this was posted originally in 2002, I think it still rings true. Where is Clancy now? Clancy, where are you now?

Finding acceptance in the eyes of others when admitting a "problem" like a coping behavior or addiction is tough - and sometimes doesn't help much. Concern about what others think is part of the whole problem to begin with. It doesn't make coping any easier!

Sometimes it's best to share with those whom you trust and you know love you and care about your life, not necessarily doctors in a formal "position" of helping. It's their job, after all. If you do share, remember, it's their problem or lack of faith, not yours, if they are judgmental and not compassionate. Plus they should respect your privacy. That probably was not the right doctor for you anyway, as it turns out.

I look for jobs where I find a sympathetic and like minded group - like a church, a non-profit that helps recovery or some other accepting place. I have also volunteered to get experience and didn't mention my past problems. Then can use that on my resume. I'd much rather work with those people (the ones who don't hold your past against you) more than the others anyway. It will be a much happier place to be.

You're not alone. We have to face their fears and our fears with the love and support of those who have been through it already. Sharing it makes it seem better already. The world is not always a kind place, but you will find many loving, spiritual and compassionate people in it. I think God places them there.
May