Been gone for awhile - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Fire_Wind_Rain · 10-15-2005, 10:12 PM

In case anyone's interested. I've thought of you all during my time away. I just thought I'd check in and let you all know that my pot smoking, porn loving, verbally abusive husband moved out today, assisted by myself. I'm done, and he knows it. I feel like I'm walking around in a fog, just hanging by a thread. Never in a million years did I think I'd have the strength, the balls, or the ability to do it. I'm not even sure if a month from now I'm going to fall flat on my face seeing how I'm not able to work still, being on disability and limited income, but you know? You've got to know when it's going to kill you.

I'll leave the dirty details out. Suffice to say, I'm getting help by the Domestic Violence Intervention and Response Team, Child Protective Services, and from the beloved Goddess who has managed to hear my plea for peace and protection.

You know, just as of 2 months ago, I'd wish upon the first evening star every night that my AH would just die in his shed (aka drug and porn room). It wasn't until last night when he was sobbing and sobbing as he held the kids for the last time "officially living there" and moved quite a bit of stuff out, I realized my wish was answered in a way that didn't become clear until I was meditating late last night. He is dying. A slow, painful, blame everyone else, emotional death...only this time, no one is buying his song and dance, whereas before they did. We all know the outcome. Death, insanity, or recovery. He's holding out hope for a reconciliation. The Domestic Violence Team is advising me to be very careful in how I respond seeing how hell would have to freeze over before I'd reconcile for a third and last time, but we don't want to incite him to a rage right now as he is leaving fairly peaceably since the police and social workers came.

I am bone, bone tired, I've cried til I'm dry for various reasons, but you know, my kids are doing ok. Sadly, they don't even notice Daddy is gone, because he sure wasn't around them much to begin with. Always outside in the shed. I've realized in the last week and a half, I've done a pretty damn good job raising my 2 oldest girls right, because the wisdom that is flying out of their mouths, particularly the 8 year old, is absolutely astounding. The professionals that have been working with us have nothing but praise for me, and let me tell ya, it's music to my ears after years of hearing what a crappy wife I've been. My 2 year old son hasn't asked once where Daddy is. I think he'll be ok too.

It's my first night alone tonight. Wouldn't you know? A storm is brewing, and it's beginning to rain. I know this is my Higher Power's way of telling me it will all be ok. I feel the most alive in storms. There is sadness, anger, fear at being flat broke, grieving for a 20 year relationship etc. There will be a ton of legalities to sift through, locks to change, window locks to be bought, and so on. But more than that, it's a freakin miracle I stayed my course and now the kids and I are as safe as can be expected & can begin our healing.

Thanks for letting me share.

SupCola · 10-16-2005, 10:21 AM

Hi Shannon

What a wind ride for you! Sorry to hear about it, but I also feel rejoicing for you as well. We can't live in constant turmoil and in a few days you'll be enjoying the peacefulness that will cover your family. I, too, just moved out of a similar situation (10 years) and the first few weeks are hard. Emotional and mentally draining, but it's now at about six weeks and I'm feeling much better about it. I was the one who moved, so there was plenty to keep me busy and sometimes a new home really kicks starts the healing process. My advise is get as much rest as possible and start a project around the house that you and your kids have wanted, but never could get. Try to enjoy the peace today and if you find yourself looking back on the past too often, well, I give myself a short time (15 minutes or so) to do exactly that and then I get back in the present. It will get easier. My kids (not his, tho') are so very happy about it. They are already blossoming.

Take care,

Gina

namommy · 10-16-2005, 11:06 AM

As I read your post, I could feel my spirit jumping up and down and shouting "Ya Hoo!!, Good for you!!"

It's been a long hard struggle for you, and I am so proud of you for making this healthy decision.

You know that we are all here to love and support you through this. You and your kids will be fine. I'm sure the agencies will help you get some sort of financial assistance.

You are a strong and beautiful woman, inside and out, never forget that.

Love ya
Laurie

**shockozulu** · 10-16-2005, 04:05 PM

Shannon,

long time no hear and then this great news.

You have really grown and I'm so glad to read it. Thank you for sharing your news with us.

CarolD · 10-18-2005, 09:47 AM

You and the kids are going forward!!!

cwohio · 10-18-2005, 02:32 PM

good for you - i hope you find peace soon and will say a prayer for you and your kids!

hopealwayz · 10-18-2005, 02:53 PM

Thanks for sharing that. You and the kids didn't deserve to live in that mess with him. You made a great and very healthy decision.
I'm glad you stopped in here to check in .

Cathy31 · 10-19-2005, 10:40 AM

You are so strong, you've done the right thing. Think of that rain being sent to cleanse you. You sound like an awesome mum and woman.
Well done, stay strong,
Love
Cathy31
x

Live · 10-20-2005, 09:53 AM

It's hard at first. But I remember that after a horrible prolonged painful divorce from my husband of about 17 years, as I got moving ahead, one day it hit me how much of a burden I had been carrying and how much lighter I was. It was a great white light moment....that told worlds of truth.

pmaslan · 10-20-2005, 02:02 PM

The worst is behind you now....everything that happens here on out you will be able
to handle......don't worry.......

shestruggles · 10-20-2005, 03:47 PM

I'm glad things are a changin for you !

Stay happy and focused and keep us posted, we've missed you around here!

Much Love:SS

Savana 54 · 10-22-2005, 02:20 PM

You are a very strong women! It can only get better from here!! You did the right thing as a mother for your kids, as well as for YOU!!

Hugs,
Savana

Chy · 10-22-2005, 02:38 PM

I know this had to be one of the most difficult things you've ever had to do and I'm so glad that you found the courage to do it. Your children will admire you for having the courage to realize that you are worthy of so much more then you were recieving. I'm sending big hugs because despite our differences I still care, have always cared and knew when the time was right you'd find the strength to go through with this.

Your going to be okay. *hugs*

mendingheart · 10-23-2005, 10:29 AM

Hi and welcome back to your friends. I know this is a truely difficult time for you, but you have always had such great inspiring words to the rest of us, now you too can feel the weight off of your shoulders, and the peace in your heart from the agony of turmoil that followed each day. YOu are moving forward, and doesn;t it feel so good to NOT be stuck? It is so empowering to know that you have made a decision for a better quality of life not only for you , but for your children.
Stay strong, and remain with us here.....you will get what you need, just ask the higher power.,,,it will find you gifts you never imagined.
Missed you here!

10-15-2005, 10:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
Fire_Wind_Rain Not crazy, just a lil unwell Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Out of my mind, please leave a message Posts: 115	Been gone for awhile In case anyone's interested. I've thought of you all during my time away. I just thought I'd check in and let you all know that my pot smoking, porn loving, verbally abusive husband moved out today, assisted by myself. I'm done, and he knows it. I feel like I'm walking around in a fog, just hanging by a thread. Never in a million years did I think I'd have the strength, the balls, or the ability to do it. I'm not even sure if a month from now I'm going to fall flat on my face seeing how I'm not able to work still, being on disability and limited income, but you know? You've got to know when it's going to kill you. I'll leave the dirty details out. Suffice to say, I'm getting help by the Domestic Violence Intervention and Response Team, Child Protective Services, and from the beloved Goddess who has managed to hear my plea for peace and protection. You know, just as of 2 months ago, I'd wish upon the first evening star every night that my AH would just die in his shed (aka drug and porn room). It wasn't until last night when he was sobbing and sobbing as he held the kids for the last time "officially living there" and moved quite a bit of stuff out, I realized my wish was answered in a way that didn't become clear until I was meditating late last night. He is dying. A slow, painful, blame everyone else, emotional death...only this time, no one is buying his song and dance, whereas before they did. We all know the outcome. Death, insanity, or recovery. He's holding out hope for a reconciliation. The Domestic Violence Team is advising me to be very careful in how I respond seeing how hell would have to freeze over before I'd reconcile for a third and last time, but we don't want to incite him to a rage right now as he is leaving fairly peaceably since the police and social workers came. I am bone, bone tired, I've cried til I'm dry for various reasons, but you know, my kids are doing ok. Sadly, they don't even notice Daddy is gone, because he sure wasn't around them much to begin with. Always outside in the shed. I've realized in the last week and a half, I've done a pretty damn good job raising my 2 oldest girls right, because the wisdom that is flying out of their mouths, particularly the 8 year old, is absolutely astounding. The professionals that have been working with us have nothing but praise for me, and let me tell ya, it's music to my ears after years of hearing what a crappy wife I've been. My 2 year old son hasn't asked once where Daddy is. I think he'll be ok too. It's my first night alone tonight. Wouldn't you know? A storm is brewing, and it's beginning to rain. I know this is my Higher Power's way of telling me it will all be ok. I feel the most alive in storms. There is sadness, anger, fear at being flat broke, grieving for a 20 year relationship etc. There will be a ton of legalities to sift through, locks to change, window locks to be bought, and so on. But more than that, it's a freakin miracle I stayed my course and now the kids and I are as safe as can be expected & can begin our healing. Thanks for letting me share. __________________ Shannon-39 Recovery date: 5/15/83

10-16-2005, 10:21 AM	#2 (permalink)
SupCola Braveheart Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: California Posts: 60	Hi Shannon What a wind ride for you! Sorry to hear about it, but I also feel rejoicing for you as well. We can't live in constant turmoil and in a few days you'll be enjoying the peacefulness that will cover your family. I, too, just moved out of a similar situation (10 years) and the first few weeks are hard. Emotional and mentally draining, but it's now at about six weeks and I'm feeling much better about it. I was the one who moved, so there was plenty to keep me busy and sometimes a new home really kicks starts the healing process. My advise is get as much rest as possible and start a project around the house that you and your kids have wanted, but never could get. Try to enjoy the peace today and if you find yourself looking back on the past too often, well, I give myself a short time (15 minutes or so) to do exactly that and then I get back in the present. It will get easier. My kids (not his, tho') are so very happy about it. They are already blossoming. Take care, Gina __________________ If you want something different... you've got to do something different!

10-16-2005, 11:06 AM	#3 (permalink)
namommy Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Never, Never land Posts: 2,851 Blog Entries: 1	As I read your post, I could feel my spirit jumping up and down and shouting "Ya Hoo!!, Good for you!!" It's been a long hard struggle for you, and I am so proud of you for making this healthy decision. You know that we are all here to love and support you through this. You and your kids will be fine. I'm sure the agencies will help you get some sort of financial assistance. You are a strong and beautiful woman, inside and out, never forget that. Love ya Laurie __________________ I came into this program to save my a** and found out it was attached to my soul. -- Anonymous

10-18-2005, 09:47 AM	#5 (permalink)
CarolD Forward we go...side by side Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie Posts: 37,601	You and the kids are going forward!!! __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

10-18-2005, 02:32 PM	#6 (permalink)
cwohio Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Litterbox City Posts: 6,142	good for you - i hope you find peace soon and will say a prayer for you and your kids! __________________ *Learn to write your hurts in sand. Learn to carve your blessings in stone! - Unknown*

10-16-2005, 04:05 PM	#4 (permalink)
shockozulu Reach Out and Touch Faith Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Southern California Posts: 3,365	Shannon, long time no hear and then this great news. You have really grown and I'm so glad to read it. Thank you for sharing your news with us.

10-18-2005, 02:53 PM	#7 (permalink)
hopealwayz Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: somewhere Posts: 3,509	Thanks for sharing that. You and the kids didn't deserve to live in that mess with him. You made a great and very healthy decision. I'm glad you stopped in here to check in . __________________

10-19-2005, 10:40 AM	#8 (permalink)
Cathy31 1 bite&all resistance crumbles Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: IRELAND Posts: 2,169	You are so strong, you've done the right thing. Think of that rain being sent to cleanse you. You sound like an awesome mum and woman. Well done, stay strong, Love Cathy31 x

10-20-2005, 09:53 AM	#9 (permalink)
Live Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Bristol TN/VA Posts: 11,588 Blog Entries: 5	It's hard at first. But I remember that after a horrible prolonged painful divorce from my husband of about 17 years, as I got moving ahead, one day it hit me how much of a burden I had been carrying and how much lighter I was. It was a great white light moment....that told worlds of truth. __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

10-20-2005, 02:02 PM	#10 (permalink)
pmaslan Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Chicago, IL Posts: 2,333	The worst is behind you now....everything that happens here on out you will be able to handle......don't worry....... __________________ Patty you either make dust...or eat dust. H. Jackson Brown Jr.

10-20-2005, 03:47 PM	#11 (permalink)
shestruggles Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: waysouth Posts: 388	I'm glad things are a changin for you ! Stay happy and focused and keep us posted, we've missed you around here! Much Love:SS __________________ "Things do not change; we change" (Henry David Thoreau)

10-22-2005, 02:20 PM	#12 (permalink)
Savana 54 too much on my plate!! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: not kissing frogs anymore Posts: 646	You are a very strong women! It can only get better from here!! You did the right thing as a mother for your kids, as well as for YOU!! Hugs, Savana __________________ There's no way around the pain, you just have to walk through it...

10-22-2005, 02:38 PM	#13 (permalink)
Chy Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: El Paso, Tx Posts: 5,865	I know this had to be one of the most difficult things you've ever had to do and I'm so glad that you found the courage to do it. Your children will admire you for having the courage to realize that you are worthy of so much more then you were recieving. I'm sending big hugs because despite our differences I still care, have always cared and knew when the time was right you'd find the strength to go through with this. Your going to be okay. hugs

10-23-2005, 10:29 AM	#14 (permalink)
mendingheart Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: home sweet home Posts: 300	Hi and welcome back to your friends. I know this is a truely difficult time for you, but you have always had such great inspiring words to the rest of us, now you too can feel the weight off of your shoulders, and the peace in your heart from the agony of turmoil that followed each day. YOu are moving forward, and doesn;t it feel so good to NOT be stuck? It is so empowering to know that you have made a decision for a better quality of life not only for you , but for your children. Stay strong, and remain with us here.....you will get what you need, just ask the higher power.,,,it will find you gifts you never imagined. Missed you here! __________________ Good things are about to happen.........

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