question

[MagdaM]

can somebody be my mommy for about five minutes?

this may sound like a stupid question to you. it does to me--but i have no idea which answer is the stupid one. i'm kind of trapped in my own head yu know what i mean? if you didn't know anything about your adult son or daughter--where or how they were or whatever. would you rather they called you for help without any intention of getting better or would you rather just never heard anything about them again?

that was really poorly phrased. **** oh well. i just need someone to tell me what they think. i can't think about anything.

[Soul Catcher]

I'd rather them call me but it would depend on the help they are asking for. There are limits. I'm familiar with your story but even if I wasn't, that's what I would say. God will judge your son, that's not your job. Do what you are comfortable with and nothing more.

[namommy]

Hey Magda,
Check out my name!!

I know for my mother, when I was using, she hated having to deal with me whenever I called because it was always some kind of bullsh*t. But, she breathed a sigh of relief at the same time, knowing that it was ME calling, and not the authorities calliing ABOUT me.

For myself. If my kids are out, sleeping over a friends house, I worry at night until I hear from them and know they are safe in the house. Especially my 16 year old daughter. She has had her share of experimenting with drugs and alcohol. She knows (and her friends parents know) that I am prone to making middle of the night phone calls just to check and make sure she didn't sneak out of the house. I've already tried to reach her around her curfew time, and when I couldn't reach her, kept calling around until I found her, went and picked her up, and grounded her.

I know it's different for an adult addict as opposed to a child, but we still worry.

I think I'd prefer to know about them.

[MagdaM]

i don't call my mom. not for anything. i've never taken money from my mother. i would no more want her to see who am i am right now--after this summer when everythign was going to be better. i hadn't talked to her in so so long before that. i'm surprised she thought i was alive. but when i did call it was for help. but i can't do that again. i don't want things to be that way. i think it would be better if i just didn't talk to her again. i don't want to die without talking to her again. i hate the thought of some stranger having to tell her. but maybe that's better. better than just letting it go on and on indefinitely. i don't know what's better for her.

[51anna]

Hi Magda,

I'm an alcoholic and I know that we hurt people we love when we are addicts. I am also a Mom of two grown kids and I know, without a doubt, that I would want to hear from them, to know how they were doing. Whether or not I could help, I'd still want to know.

I wish you well.

[namommy]

Why don't you ask her what she would prefer. It's not about you, it's about her.

[SoberNVa]

Originally Posted by MagdaM

can somebody be my mommy for about five minutes?

this may sound like a stupid question to you. it does to me--but i have no idea which answer is the stupid one. i'm kind of trapped in my own head yu know what i mean? if you didn't know anything about your adult son or daughter--where or how they were or whatever. would you rather they called you for help without any intention of getting better or would you rather just never heard anything about them again?

that was really poorly phrased. **** oh well. i just need someone to tell me what they think. i can't think about anything.

I would much rather hear from them,so I can know they are at least still alive!It has got to be hard as heck for a parent to lie awake nights wondering if their addicted child is ok,often imagining the worst. A phone call at least eases their mind somewhat. I hope that if you are wondering if you should call your parents,that you will call them,and at least let them know you are ok. Please dont let the fact that you are using stop you.
Take care of you.
Becky

[In memory of miracle]

Magda-
I would guess your Mom would want you to call her,you dont haveto ask her for help if you dont want to.I know how hard things have been for you,but I don't think dying is the answer,if you feel that bad,go to the hospital.Help is available for you Mag. You are worth it. Did your Mom help you last time you called her? There is no shame in needing help.Give yourself a chance. I am pulling for you girl!

[wolflet]

just call & tell her that you love her........let her know that you're still alive......you don't have to call for help........but call....there is no connection on the earth like the one we have with the woman who gave us birth (good or bad) & if she loves you there is no love like a mother's love (or a mother's worry) ......let her know tha , for today, you are alive & think of her.

[MagdaM]

i miss my mom. she's the only person in my life who deserves better.

[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by MagdaM

i miss my mom. she's the only person in my life who deserves better.

You deserve better, Magda. YOU.

I got recovery when I couldn't fight anymore. I stopped trying to die and I stopped trying to live. I gave up. I couldn't go on one more minute. And that is when I truly surrendered. "ok, god, I give up. Let me die, make me live, it's up to you. I can't do it anymore."

Are you there yet?

Hugs,

phinny

[SoberNVa]

Originally Posted by MagdaM

i miss my mom. she's the only person in my life who deserves better.

So do you! You cant see it right now,but you do deserve better.
Becky

[indigo]

I haven't heard from my daughter for a few years, I would love to have her call me.
Please do what you feel is in your heart do it for you and your mom if you can. I am sending you some motherlove right now.........catch.

Hugs indigo

[quercusalba]

MagdaM -

I say call your mom. She deserves to know you're alive and thinking of her, as someone above me said. She loves you as only a mother can... even if you have hurt her. I'm an alcoholic, and I know I've hurt people - most especially the ones I love the most. My mother still loves me. I have no doubt that yours does too. Call her.

Also - sometimes the best and most adult thing we can do is to *ask for help*. Can you do that? You are worthy of living - you are worthy of respect and integrity and happiness. It pains me to hear the hurt in your voice. You don't have to die, not like this, not right now. As I recall from another conversation, you're young. You have the whole world ahead of you! I know how cliche and foolish that might sound... but truly you do. I pray that you do what it takes to live. Ask any of us for help - we're here to give you what we can.

best to you.
--anne

[Wolfstarr]

Magdam,

As a mom of an addict, I feel for you. I honestly with my whole heart would love to hear from my daughter with whatever she had to say. As Indigo said, do what your heart tells you...it will never lead you in the wrong direction...and yes, you deserve the best out of life, too.

Big Mom hugs to you...

[Evanna]

Originally Posted by namommy

Why don't you ask her what she would prefer. It's not about you, it's about her.

Makes sense to me Magda. Different situation but whenever i get guilt pangs about laying too much of my shite on an old friend of mine she says to me 'let me be the judge of what i can handle and what i cant'.

As both a mother and a daughter myself i would say make the call. You dont need to ask your mother for anything. You can just call to say i think of you.