A Course

[splendra]

This is a basic course in freedom. Does anyone wish to take this course? Please feel free to take this free course...

My first question might be what do you wish to heal in yourself? Then I would probally say why? Then your first assignment might be write about this and give me an answer in the morning. I want very short answers, one sentence for each question.

Please count yourselves off so I will know who my students are. First person to respond type in #1 second person #2 and so on down the line. 3,4,5,6,7,....

Disclaimer: This course is about freedom it is a very high price that is why it is free

[Phinneas]

Sign me up, Splendra!

--phinny

[nocoke]

#2 I'm in too.

[splendra]

I see we have 2 who can afford it....

[quercusalba]

I'll be #3... do you want answers on this thread, or should we PM them to you? Or email?

--anne

[splendra]

You may be a private student or public the price will still remain the same...

[4health]

I'll be number 4. Great IDEA!!!

[wolflet]

ouch....ya got me grrl, count me in, bet you got a sling full of gentle arrows!........do i get points off if i'm tardy?

[wolflet]

oopps! already tardy!!, guess i'm # 5.......could someone trade me for # 9 when you come in? or even #7.......sorry (5) just is'nt for me i'll go with it but would love to trade......anyone!!???......please.

wolflet

[Gobi]

Wolflet, I'll be 5 if you want to be six, that's okay with me. I can't offer you 7 or nine, though.

I'm going to answer the questions, and I'm going to start small. I want to heal my aversion to paperwork. I hate filling out forms, filing, sending in rebates, refunds, etc. And I have about $2000 worth of reimbursement and rebates sitting on my diningroom table at this very moment.

I want to heal this for a variety of reasons: first, it belittles the respect that I have for myself that I can let this financial responsibility slip to such a degree; and second, it shows a disrespect to my husband that I can let it go, as this is something that is important to him, that he has asked me to do, and that I simply haven't done. I think it's a control issue I have, and I simply need to do it, and stop playing this game.

Gobi

[Jennifer_JJ_Jen]

ill be 5 and give woflet 7 if thats ok I am all about a freedom class so i do not care what number i am

[splendra]

Hey ya'll

Lack of freedom comes from building walls around ourselves. Something gets us stuck something we do not want to do, a voice in our heads telling us telling us we cannot do it makes us stop moving forward. What is your wall? What would it take to bring down your wall? write about it....

(((gobi))))has brought up a very interesting desire for healing. Do you want or need that money? What is so difficult about doing the paper work in order to get it? Is the real deal that you think your H ought to do the paperwork?

((((Every body elese and gobi))))Money can show us many things on how we use our energy. Are you always worring about money? How are you blocking the flow of your life energy? Look at how you are blocking money and you will see many interesting things....Do you believe you are rich? Everyone is rich!! The energy that flows thru you is very valuable. Believe it life is extreamly precious no matter what the package we easily take it for granted because it is so abundant. What do you spend your energy(life) on?

I have dyslexia and paper work can get me very confused. I am bad to put the wrong information on the wrong line and that can be very worrisome. I have had paper work returned to me because of mistakes I have made. A solution for me is to put a piece of paper under the line I am writing on covering everything underneath Then I do not get distacted by other things on the paper. Also I have a 2 drawer file cabinet that I make up my own classifications and I arrange them according to how much I go into the file. Once a week I file my papers. I cannot tell you how much simpler my life became after I did this. Now I have a little office with my computer, file drawer, and desk. My H hung a cabinet over it that I store paper for printing and blank disks for storing files and other stuff.

I find the more I need to do something the more likely I am to put it off.I can't blame this on dyslexia. I have had to change this behavior by doing little bits at a time if necessary often times when I get started I can usually finish in one sitting. That wall of negative thoughts is usually my only obstical... Anyone that tells me I can't do something be it myself or someone else I can challenge and I know if I can see it done in my mind that it will get done. Often times our attitude is what will make or break us.

In working with people who have been handicapped either thru accidents or from birth and seeing some of the most excellent attitudes this set an example for me that has changed me from the inside out. Seeing people with very real phyiscal challenges able to live on their own and determined to take care of themselves. I ask myself how can a mere thought have so much power to disable me and others like me? The power of self pity... it is not free...

Ask yourself if you really want to give that much power to a thought?

Our brains seem to be a form of file cabinet which is why people make files. We are constantly showing ourselves what we are. We are walking, talking, breathing, eating, electric miracles. Who can explain it?

Nothing can make our lives more chaotic than not taking care of our money.

assingment: write about your wall... extra credit for writing on how you spend your energy.

[Gobi]

Splendra - What a thoughtful response, and thank you for it. I wish I could answer your questions as succinctly and articulately as you pose them. DH and I have a control thing going on. We have since we got married, even before, but since I have been home with the kids, he has taken on the "boss" role, and I am uncomfortable with that.

The bigger issue I need to address is that I do WANT to do this; I think I SHOULD do this, and I CAN do this; I even say I WILL do this and then don't. So why don't I? Why am I undermining my own self-respect? Why am I undermining dh's respect for me? Why am I not fulfilling my commitment? And what other commitments am I not fulfilling? Why is making a commitment meaningless to me?

No, we don't NEED the money, at least not to pay bills or put food on the table. But $2K is alot of money by any measure, and I'm just sitting on my hands not sending in the damn receipts. I'm risking alot more than the money and still I don't finish the task. Why? What do I have to do to get myself to take this on as a serious problem that needs to be addressed?

PS: As an aside, after I started composing this, I stopped, physically went downstairs and filled out the damned paperwork and put it in the mail. So when dh gets home tonight and asks, for like the tenth consecutive night, did I do it, I can say, "Yes". And I feel good about that.

[splendra]

(((gobi)))

I am very proud of you for getting that task done. Wow! just do it huh? The wall just fell down right?

[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by splendra

I ask myself how can a mere thought have so much power to disable me and others like me?

Splendra - In the past several months I have hit what I call "The Wall of Fear." It's around fear of moving forward in an intimate relationship and fear around work. It manifests itself physically (I can feel it in from my lower abdomen up to my chest) and the result is that I have been pushing people away and letting myself go physically. I HAVE let these mere thoughts disable, or paralyze, me and I want to break this negative cycle.

About money and energy. I am very prosperous and have had a prosperity consciosness for many years. But I thought of two things when you posed this part of the question. 1) I have past bills and obligations that I have been avoiding - not because of the money (I have that), but because I don't want to deal with what they remind me of, my past. And, 2) where do I spend my energy? Work, work and more work. I am a consultant and although I say my first priority is my recovery and taking care of me, my actions speak differently. I work A LOT of hours and when I am not working, I am recovering from work or thinking about work.

hugs to you and the women here who have signed up for this amazing journey,

phinny

[wolflet]

JJ Jen you're on, make me 7 & you're 5 (thanks) & thanks to you to Gobi!


what i want to heal in myself (yes i know a new question has been asked "how much power to a thought", but call me the tardy grrl!....late for class again, tho i am usaully cronically early!)


what i want to heal in myself.......ok, splendra are ya ready?, it's a biggie.........


i want to heal the part of myself that is afraid to step onto my spiritual path & become the healer that i know is my birthright. (this is not ego) i know i have amazing potential, yet am scared sh*tless & feel as if i lack the willpower to do the work, & yet at the same time i have been a healer my whole life....but there is so much more..........

(oops, that was 2 sentences!)

[4health]

"write about your wall... extra credit for writing on how you spend your energy."

I think my wall is my past. The bad things that have happened to me and by me.

A lot of my energy is spent on worrying about things I can't do anything about or being angry because I can't do anything about those things.

I love the serenity prayer and need to memorize it!! LOL

[splendra]

(((Phinneas))))Yes the wall of fear.... I wonder how much we loose to a wall made of our fears. You say you have a prosperity consciousness that's great! You believe that money is out there for the getting and truely it is. I am so glad that you do not worry about money!!! So what are you running from with your work? What would happen if you faced your fears? More importantly what are you afraid of? Write about what would happen if you faced what you are afraid of.

((((wolflet))))

If your path is truely that of a healer it will take you instead of you taking it there is no will power involved in following this path. Your will power is fighting against taking the path. The path will keep rising up in front of you until you have no choice but,to take it. Perhaps you don't want to go to school you don't have to go to school to be a healer but, credibility demands that you go to school if you want a legal practice that you can advertize and colaborate with others in the medical field.

Healers walk the path reguardless of what they want IMO it is not a choice but, an assignment. What would you rather do other than be a healer? Write about it.

(((4health)))

The wall of the past of what we are not now is an illution. The great thing about our past is that it is over and for some it is not so great that it is over because they miss how things used to be. I think it is possible to also miss the bad stuff too because it is more familar.

I want you to write about what you want to be and how you are going to do that. You already are what you want to be all you have to do is believe it. Never forget the power of our thoughts and words....

[splendra]

Something I meant to say eariler...at the top of the thread here there is a fold down menu called thread tools press it and select the subscribe to thread option so that you will recieve an email notification when some one posts here and we can all keep up with what eachother is writing....

[Jennifer_JJ_Jen]

wow this is a lot to take in in one trip, ty for the idea splendra

[splendra]

((((Phineas))))

Obtaining goals of financal security often only make us want more. This is not security but addiction. When fear motivates us we can never satisfy it. It sounds like you are stuck in a survival mode fearing loss.

The most basic fear of human kind is the fear of death. This fear can take on many forms, workaholics work and take care of one need then the fear seems to go away only to appear somewhere else in the form of a need. These needs do appear to be real. Do you have low back pain? This could be because you are stuck in survival mode always recycling back to your fear of death and your actions are set around trying to make this fear disappear. I used to be a work a holic always buying cars and property working working like a busy little bee. Once I gotin my head that I needed something it did not take long before I had it. There was a time that I wanted a Jaguar car I had to have it I pictured in my mind what it would look like white with red leather seats I picked out a XJ12L what a beautiful car it was. Shortly after I got it a country singer that I greatly admired was in a horrible accident and almost lost her life and she was in a car that was just like mine same color model and style like lightening bolts coming down from the sky it struck me how afraid of dying I was. I couldn't drive the car I was so afraid. I realized also that I had a dream before I heard of the singers accident of a fatal car crash in that Jaguar but, I was drinking my @$$ off at the time and paid it no mind but my fear of death was talking to me none the less. I figured if I could build a fortress around me that death could not get in and take me. I used up alot of adrineline back in thoughs days.
Finally I allowed to myself to feel the fear of death I let it completely take me over I was paralized with fear I could not do anything I had quit drinking by the time so I could really feel it to a fever pitch and I remembered the lightening bolt experiece of learning of the accident of the singer. I was able to finally get it that there was nothing I could do to stop myself from dying. I know I am going to die someday it seems that is the one thing every human eventually does. I am not going to let that fear drive me anymore. This was my wall and it went from the center of the earth all the way almost to infinity or what I could concieve infinity to be(the back of my head). I could not see the light of the sun or smell a flower or notice someone smiling and especially not myself smiling.

Now when I wash my face in the morning I notice something this little knowing smile that says, "hey girl you are alright" and I am totally sure you have one of these smiles waiting for you...

Assignment: look in the mirror and find a smile on your face.... and do it everyday for the rest of your life...

[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by splendra

(((Phinneas))))YSo what are you running from with your work? What would happen if you faced your fears? More importantly what are you afraid of? Write about what would happen if you faced what you are afraid of.

OK, here's the short version. I lost everything due to my addiction, including my job. After six months clean and sober I put myself back out there and, to my utter amazement, the job opportunities just rushed in. I accepted one as a consultant and at first I was afraid that I coundn't do it. You know? But I discovered that my addicition didn't take everything. I still had my education, my years of experience, my intelligence and gifts. I am good at what I do. The fear now is around struggling with life/work balance and I fear that it puts my recovery and serenity in serious jeapordy. I get consumed with work. Also, they team I work on does not respect people's personal life or issues. I have set boundaries and they steamroll right over them. Hmm... wonder what this is mirroring for me?

The job is big money, but I will walk away before I let it destroy me (my recovery).

The fear of death doesn't quite fit. I have looked death in the face in my addiction. I am not afraid of my own death, but I am afraid of losing someone I love. I am a person who needs security, though. For example, I'd rather have a steady paycheck than own my own business.

But I am not sure what my workaholism comes from. I do know that the old me believed the idea that work comes first, no matter what. The recovery me knows that recovery and loved ones and life must come first, so there is progress.

--phinny

[4health]

I want you to write about what you want to be and how you are going to do that. You already are what you want to be all you have to do is believe it. Never forget the power of our thoughts and words....

I will get back to you on this later. Have a raging headache. NO I didn't drink but my husband did. Either I got his cold he had or I got his hangover....well, no sour stomach so maybe it is his cold he had

I just saw your post today so I'll try to get back to you by the evening. I have to think about my answer.

[jerseybarb]

Dont know if I am #10 or not, just wanted some number.

I want to heal my slobbiness. Yes, Im a pack rat, a very messy person. I am currently taking a break from cleaning the bathroom which I havent worked on in months.

When I try to clean I get distracted by the TV or the computer. I get frustrated with cleaning because I have a lot of STUFF and I dont want to get rid of it all, just some of it. I'm very afraid of turning into one of those people who you see on the news with a house full of junk. This is a real possiblity for me, I'm not kidding.

It doesn't help matters when my husband hardly helps at all. He seems to think that because he is the bread winner in the family he doesnt have to work around the house. Also, he is a typical man in that he has to be told what to do around the house LOL

So maybe if I list my goals in this thread I can reach them. After all, peer support got me sober, so why not my messiness?

I plan to spend at least one hour a day on the house. Its just me and my husband, so one hour a day will eventually put me ahead of the mess

If I want to put it down, put it in the correct place; not just put it anywhere.

Ask my husband for his help. He's a good guy, just needs a little "nudge" at times.

Stay away from the computer LOL So with that note, I'm going back to work!

[4health]

I just want to get healthy, happy and be a better person all around. I don't think that is too big of a goal to reach Oh and I want to quit stressing on things I can't do a thing about. I guess I have that to still accept in my life. Those things I can't control...