New Kid

[Sazzer]

Just posted this on the Alcoholics Forum, but wanted to jump in here, too!

I am 27 years old. My process: I drank socially on weekends with friends, which escalated to getting really drunk on weekends with friends. I never thought I had a problem because I never blacked out or passed out. So the weekend drinking turned into drinking with every meal, but those drinks would be the beginning that night. I would continue to drink after dinner until I was drunk enough to go to sleep. Now I drink as soon as I come home from work and continue until I'm drunk enough to sleep. More recently I have been having a drink on my lunch break from work. On weekends, I'll start drinking in the early afternoon and then be too drunk to go out at night. I will never go anywhere there isn't alcohol available. I have lost all creativity and drive. I live to drink. It has been 24 hours since I've had a drink. Before that, it had been at least a month since I had a drink-free day. I have figured out that I spend AT LEAST $250 a month on alcohol, but I haven't bought clothes in forever!

I'm crawling out of my skin wanting to tell someone that I'm quitting! I quit. I am in therapy already for social anxiety, OCD and depression -- all either reasons I drink or effects of drinking...I am going to talk to my therapist about this today. She has no idea. I am terrified of what will happen when I tell her. I am on meds for these things and don't know about alcohol interactions or interactions after I quit. Or if I should quit taking them altogether to try and figure out what the real issues are. Anyone else on meds? Any advice?

I know how painful it is on spouses, children, families when someone drinks and also when they quit -- I know from my own family. But what about those of us who are young and unmarried? I finally thought, you know, if I don't save myself, no one is going to do it for me. And I'm definitely not going to meet the perfect man for me when I'm not myself. So I'm freaking out a little bit about knowing who to turn to, who to trust. I need to talk to someone. I have one friend that I trust, but I couldn't seem to get a hold of him last night. I know I will eventually tell my parents, but I don't know if now is the time -- even though I desperately want to. Anyone else young & single? Experiences?

As it is only my second day sober, I woke up this morning feeling slightly like maybe it's not such a big problem. Maybe I don't need to tell anyone -- after all, if I tell people, then I'll be accountable for not drinking and what if I want to? I know this is just the disease talking. I literally have to remind myself that I have a problem every minute! That's a little irritating. Don't get me wrong, I am feeling overjoyed to have made this decision. I want to be physically and mentally healthy and fit. I can't do that without quitting.

That's all for now. If anyone has any advice, please talk to me!!

Thanks!

[shestruggles]

Hey Sazzer...Welcome to SR & WIR!!

You'll find a ton of support here, lots of us in your age group (well, OK, I'm 31, but 27 seems like yesterday..)

Many of the things you said in your post reminded me of myself when I was drinking. I am an opiate addict (DOC:oxys, H), but whenever I quit using for a while, I would start to drink.

I progressed much the way you describe..drinking on week-ends, then every day, then on lunch break - I had an hour drive to work - I recall drinking 2 tall boys on the way there and all the way home.

In fact, you'd never catch me driving without a paper bag & can o heiniken...

I especially remember the daytime drinking & then being too drunk to go out at night. I used to try and wait until 2pm to pop my first beer, thinking somehow that made drinking 'normal'...Needless to say, it didn't work.

I think you have realized that drinking is interfering in your life - again, maybe not tearing apart your family or the other horrors you hear about, but is affectingYOUR life. I think that's how people need to think to be ready for recovery. They have to do it to save themselves, ya know? You can't just do it for someone else.

Not for spouses, parents, kids - it has to be for them...Of course, in the end, it does help them to repair relationships, but I think recovery requires a concious decision to save yourself....you don't need to be destroying other peoples lives to need recovery...does that make sense? I haven't had my coffee yet..lol

JMO, but I feel soo much better when I don't drink. I hate that fuzzy feeling, that weight in my belly, the taste of beer in my mouth when I wake up in the morning. I honestly can't believe that ever felt 'normal' for me.

I think it's fab that you are taking notice of this probloem before it really messes your life up....I suggest reading through the many posts here at SR, and, if you feel like it, attend an AA meeting and see what you think. I promise you a sober life just feels so much better!

I suffer from severe anxiety and depression - probably part of the reason I drank and drugged. I'm now on the right kind of meds, and, although sometimes life still sucks, it's a much better life. I cherish every sober day!

Thanks for sharing a little about yourself - keep coming back - I look forward to getting to know you!

Much Love: SS

[Sazzer]

Thanks, SS!

I know what you mean -- on weekends, I would wait until about 2pm to make it seem normal, too! (Sometimes noon...)

I just told my best friend, another friend and my parents. I wasn't sure who I wanted to tell right away, but I had to do it. My parents and best friend were particularly cool. The other friend...I don't know. We were supposed to go to a Red Sox game tonight, but I just didn't think I could. I think the only reason why I like baseball is because it's an excuse to drink beer! I couldn't go and be tempted just yet. She drinks quite a bit, too, and I don't think she understands that it is ruining me. I don't feel like I have a personality anymore. Well, I guess I feel like I only have one when I'm drinking. I used to be just as fun and funny without alcohol -- I know I can be that way again!

That beer taste in the morning is the worst! How CAN I keep doing that?? The worst physical thing of all is that I have a beer belly now!! I didn't used to gain weight there -- and I'm sure part of it is age, but really! That's got to go!

Am off to therapy now...wish me luck!
Sazzer

[namommy]

Welcome to SR.
You will find a lot of love and support here.

Most of us have been in your shoes at one time or another and can understand totally what you are going through.

Try going to an AA meeting as a start.

[Jaguar0425]

Hi Sazzar, Welcome! You sound so much like I did when I was drinking. We are here for you whenyou need us.
My suggestion would be to be honest with your therapist and your Doctor. I too was treated for social anxiety/agoraphobia, PTSD, and depression. I began my treatment and medication before I got sober. My experience has been that once I took the alcohol away I was able to really work on the other things. I am so much better now! I still take the prescribed medication and I still talk to my Doctor if things seem "abnormal". But mostly I work at making the AA program a way of life for me.
Good luck and keep coming back.

[Anna]

Hi,

You made a great decision and you are already aware that this is an ongoing issue. I began drinking to deal with anxiety/depression and had to get on the right meds before I was able to be motivated to stop. I am still on the meds and will always use them. For me, it's a chemical imbalance, not a situation where I can will myself out of a funk. But, every situation is different and your therapist and dr are the best people to advise you.

Hang around and get to know us.

Anna

[Sazzer]

Hi namommy, Jaguar, stormy & Anna! Day 3 is almost over and I'm feeling fine. Talked to my psych today and she said the meds are still okay. I was concerned about starting Wellbutrin when suddenly quitting alcohol -- there's a warning label somewhere, but she said it wasn't an issue for me. I am seeing my regular therapist twice a week until I go on vacation (the 17th) just to make sure I have someone to check in with. I just got a message from my ex (or something)/friend who is 13 years sober, but we haven't spoken in person yet. Looking forward to it...

The funny things I'm noticing: When I got off the phone with my psych, I had this celebratory feeling because I did something I was afraid to do or that I didn't think I could do and the first thought I had was wanting a drink! How bizarre is that?!?!

Also, everytime i get in the car and turn on the radio, there's a song with alcohol in it! "he drinks a lager drink, he drinks a cider drink...pissin' the night away" -- what the heck is this song supposed to be about?? "wasting away again in margaritaville" "couldn't drink you away" and on it goes...alcohol is EVERYWHERE!! Billboards. Radio. TV. Movies. Magazines. The sides of buses.

This guy called for my boss today. He has called several times this week and the boss hasn't been in. So this funny guy says, "Now come on, you don't really have to cover up his drunkenness. Just take the bourbon away, give him a cup of coffee and put him on the phone. *teehee*." It was actually funny...but sort of not funny at the same time. Very odd.

Maybe I'm just more aware now that I can't have it.

I purged the barware from my life today. Packed it all up to sell or give away or whatever. Feels good to clear it out.

More later! So glad to be here!

Saz