I Don't Want Him You Can't Have Him

[stormyautumn]

OK Ladies I have a question....For any of you that have read my posts you know I have been horribly miserable with controlling B. I am leaving him in a couple weeks. But I have these thoughts in my head. I don't want him but the thought of him being with someone else makes me angry. Even after everything he's said and done!!! Why do I feel like this??? Like if I don't want him you shouldn't either. Has anyone else felt this way. I don't even like being around him or intimate with him but this thought in the back of my head is confusing me to death.





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[FaeryQueen]

Stormy
I have felt this way before! The thing is once you finally get free of him and start to live a little....the feeling starts going away. Then one day you realize "What was I thinkin?"!!! I was in a very similar situation and now I think...."Geez...I wish he would find a girlfriend!"
Good luck Stormy!
Tanya

[Paulie]

Yeah I have been there is the past with my first husband ( we were married for about 30 seconds LOL ). I left him had to get a restraining order and everything but the minute I heard he had a new gf it drove me crazy. I went over there when I knew she was there to get him back. OH WOW what a mistake. Yeah he came right back and it took less than 48 hours for me to say to myself "OMG what did I do". Then I left again...never to return.

Keep talking about, talking helps us not act on our thoughts. And as my H always reminds me 'keep your emotions seperate from your thoughts'.

[Fire_Wind_Rain]

I have definitely felt this way about ex's in my past. My current husband? I'd pay someone to take him.

[tenK]

Hiya stormy,

Being with an abusive sig other can really trash your self esteem. It's one of many reasons why good people stay with abusive pricks. Probably the thought of him being "happy" with someone else brings feelings of self-doubt.. like maybe it IS you and not him.. and maybe YOU should try harder. He'd love you to be thinking that. It's all part of the mind ****.

I don't know the dude, but I'd guess if he was with someone else, she'd be wishing she could get the hell away from him pretty quickly. Don't be tricked into thinking otherwise.

My husband's ex-wife actually tried to warn me that H was abusive. I should have listened. Now I'm sitting here wishing I had the guts to leave him.. every day.

[stormyautumn]

Originally Posted by Fire_Wind_Rain

I have definitely felt this way about ex's in my past. My current husband? I'd pay someone to take him.

Love it...I feel the same..LOL

[skissors6]

I don't know if this will help, but from experience, i can say that it is probably just because you guys are still together. and even if you werent, it is still too soon and therefore you still have some attachment feelings. I have had the same thing. i dated someone in program for like 2 years, were gonna get married, and then we broke up because he was very controlling and always made me feel like ****. But then like the day after i moved out, i saw him at a meeting and he was sitting next to this hot blonde and i got a little jealous. I was like, why? why do i care? but it made me a little sad.
and i realized that i have no want for him, it was just that i was still in my routine of him being mine, that it hurt to see him next to and conversing with another woman. you know? it's like even though i despised how he treated me, i still cared for him and it brought up feelings in me of no worth and all that negative stuff.

so, i hope that helps you a little. good luck. you can do it, and just try and keep yourself distracted in the beginning stages. Hang out with women in the program and try and keep yourself occupied.
Feel your feelings, cause you're bound to have them, but don't isolate (which is what i did) and stay out of your head. Just go with it.
you can do it, and just remember, we are all here for you.

-Skiss

[indigo]

I would really like to answer to this one....not quite better yet!! I am thinking of you.

indigo

[babeekj]

I went through this same thing not too long ago when I found out my ex had a new girlfriend.
Some people on here helped me figure out why it was hurting me so much and now I know it was after I had done so much for him and been through so much with him I felt I was replaced. I didn't like the thought that I was replaced that easy.
Like QueenShenique pointed out to me though I should actually feel bad for her because she was having to put up with the crap I don't have to anymore. Now I can say....
More power to 'em.

I did too! I went out with this guy for a few years and he was nuts, always
breaking the law, drove crazy..he was a very jealous person...
etc..I had to get away from him. We broke up and
I found out he was seeing a new girl. Just like Paulie, I went to his house to
get him back because I couldnt believe he was with her! We got back together
and it lasted only a few days. He got with another gal, and I just said to myself,
"you can have him! It wont work for you either"....and it didn't, LOL!

[namommy]

Why?

"Hey, don't you know you are supposed to be sad, and miserable and sorry for everything you ever did. Don't you know you are supposed to pine away for me for the rest of your life. How dare you forget me that easily and move on to someone else. You are supposed to love me until eternity even if I did leave you."

That's why!

[babeekj]

I found out it only takes about 15 or 30 minutes to be around my ex or talk to him on the phone and I remember like "AH HA that's why I don't want to be with him anymore" LOL

[stormyautumn]

Thank you everyone for the replies. It helps reading them now since i just got in another argument with him. I flipped out. He gave me money to go to the store and I was leaving. His wallet was on the counter and there was a card sticking out of it. of course it is not my business but i made it mine. It was a pass to get into a strip club. I asked him where he got it from and he said his friend at work. I don't belive him. I bartended in strip clubs for 8 years. I actually met him where I last worked..RED FLAG RIGHT THERE. ANyways I was upset telling him I didn't belive him he just laughed and told me I was being so stupid. I asked why he took it in the first place he said for the hell of it and that he had no intention of going...oh bu t before that he said cause I thought maybe we could go. Don't get me wrong in my hay day we had tons of fun at the strip club because I knew so many people being in the business. That made me even more furious. I just screamed and yelled "ok take your recovering alcoholic girlfriend to a place You didn't want her to work and a place where ever trigger to set me off lies in one room...Im just so full of emotions and PMSing...Great...lol Would you guys have been mad??

I would have been PISSED! I cant wait til you go to your dads and start a new life. Meet a nice man and be happy in your recovery. SOON! Hang in there!