kinda sad

[skissors6]

so my sponsosr wanted a break. fine. im dealing. But she won't talk to me at all! is that ok? i want to call her and leave her a rude message, but i know that would not be right. and im trying to tell myself that she wanted a break and i need to give it to her, but i thought we would at least be able to talk still. She hasn't returned any of my calls and we haven't talked since friday in text messages and we were arguing. I don't know, but im getting a little resentful and i guess i need some clarity on if i have a right to be mad or not, cause i know i am really overly sensitive.
thanks.

-Skiss

[eddie z.]

Skiss,
I believe I have posted on here in the past wondering if I should change sponsors myself because I felt abandoned by my sponsor. Here is the conclusion I came to. A sponsor is a guide through the Steps and Traditions. I need to have a NETWORK of women whom I can call on when I'm struggling, not just one person, because they can get overwhelmed. I wouldn't take it personally. But you probably ought to have other women's names and numbers for times like this. I know you're probably really hurting, but I hope this helps!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

[skissors6]

It does help, and i do have other women i can talk to, but they don't make me feel better. i don't know how to get past this. I can talk to other women, but no matter what they say, i still WANT to talk to my sponsor, and until i do, i feel anxious and sad.

i think i jinxed myself, because i was doing really good all weekend and even yesterday, and i was fine giving her her space, and i was thinking to myself, wow i am doing good. and i was impressed with myself. i should have knocked on wood. and then today i have been feeling sad and alone for some reason. and im trying to get back to my feelig good, but it's not working. I keep checking my phone to see if she called or text messaged me.
she hasn't.

thanks for your response. i know you're right, but I just don't know how to accept the help from other people. i hear it, but i don't soak it up, therefore it never REALLY helps me.
i don't know if that made any sense, because i don't know how to explain it. sorry.

-skiss

[eddie z.]

Originally Posted by skissors6

I just don't know how to accept the help from other people...
i don't know if that made any sense, because i don't know how to explain it.

Makes perfect sense to me, ((((Skiss))))! I have the same problem myself, but it's getting better. I think it helps me not to have expectations of others. It helps to keep GRATITUDE at the forefront, too. And then there's the matter of practice. Making things into habits. I still not too good with the telephone myself, but I do share my problems in meetings and on here. It helps. I bet you feel just a bit better having gotten it off your chest, no? I'm sorry you're having this problem. I wish there were something more I could say, but like I said, I struggle with the same stuff.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

[skissors6]

i do feel better when i talk in meetings and on here. but, then i have to deal with the same thing, that i have to get offline soon. oh well. i just deal with separation anxiety in general, i guess!

i'll be fine. i always am.

-Skiss

[eddie z.]

((((Skiss))))

[indigo]

I am listening carefully. I understand your pain.
love indie

[Chy]

*hugs* but I can only echo Eddie's first post. Don't take it personally.

[Paulie]

Originally Posted by skissors6

so my sponsosr wanted a break. fine. im dealing. But she won't talk to me at all! is that ok? i want to call her and leave her a rude message, but i know that would not be right. and im trying to tell myself that she wanted a break and i need to give it to her, but i thought we would at least be able to talk still. She hasn't returned any of my calls and we haven't talked since friday in text messages and we were arguing. I don't know, but im getting a little resentful and i guess i need some clarity on if i have a right to be mad or not, cause i know i am really overly sensitive.
thanks.

-Skiss

And I say ditto to Chy and Eddie.

My only other response would be if she said she needed a break to take care of herself, why would you think you would still be talking and text messaging. Give her some space it has only been a few days.

This is not about you, it is about her.

[namommy]

In your other post you said that she needed a couple of weeks. Why would you think that had changed in just a couple of days? She needs a break, give it to her. Let her go through her process so she can be OK for you when the break is over.

Start reaching out to other women so you can LEARN to reach out to other women. Instead of thinking that you want to run EVERYRTHING by your sponsor, go in with the attitude that you DON"T HAVE TO run everything by your sponsor. Maybe that will help.

You need to learn that now. What happens when the day comes (and most likely it will come) that she says "I don't have any experience in this/or that area, you need to seek out someone who does". You need to establish the ability to trust now.

[skissors6]

thanks everyone. I am still feeling empty and alone, but she text msgd me this morning and just said, "good morning. how are u?" and it was short and simple and then she said, "have a good day. love you."

so, im glad i held out and didn't bug her, because it only usually makes things worse. I feel a little better now, because it was just a reminder that she doesn't hate me and she still cares.
i know you guys are all right, but i need constant reassurance or it's really hard for me to believe that people actually could care about ME.

thanks everyone for all your love and support.
done with school for today...off to work!

-Skiss

[eddie z.]

You're welcome! teehee

There you are! I missed you yesterday, Skiss! Hope to hear more from you later today, too.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

[namommy]

See, give things TIME. That 4 letter word in recovery.

[skissors6]

you know, i have this big self-fulfilling prophecy that lets me think i know what everyone else is thinking and what's gonna happen, and the worst thing is when i am proven wrong, which is all the time so far in the program. lol

Thank you all for keeping me in check and calling me on my sh*t. I hate when i read posts and you guys say certain things, and my first reaction is "screw you" but then i look at it and realize, "Gosh dang it! you're right!"
thanks everyone for making me sees what's really there and thanks for being here for me to count on, or i would definitely have texted her by now.
You guys are my strength right now until i can find and rely on my own. thank you for all your posts keeping me checked in to reality and what is, instead of what i think is going on.

I love you all!
Feeling a little better today, but just trying to live one minute, one second even, at a time.

-Skiss

[eddie z.]

Originally Posted by skissors6

you know, i have this big self-fulfilling prophecy that lets me think i know what everyone else is thinking and what's gonna happen

Mindreading and fortunetelling, respectively. The cognitive therapists would say those are common "cognitive distortions." Just becoming aware of them is more than half the battle! The other half is disputing them. You're doing great, Skiss! Keep it up!

Love and hugs,
Eddie