My Sponsor requested a break!

[skissors6]

Most of you know the issues i have had with my sponsor and the obsession I have over her in that she HAS to be there for me ALL THE TIME or i deal with major abandonment issues and separation anxiety.
She is well aware of my senstitivity and really does try to accomodate to me, no matter what my resentful thoughts may say. lol
anyway, she is in the midst of leaving her verbally abusive fiance (who is in program and has a really good program, but too much to the point that he is an a$$) and she is moving out on the first of july. I helped nudge her to do this, and i know this is good for her, but because of all this going on, she has been distant lately. She constantly reassures me that it is nothing personal and that she is just busy and dealing with alot of her own stuff, but i still feel a little unsupported.
Anyway, after our meeting on thursday, we talked for a little bit and she told me that she is going to need some space for the next couple weeks until she moves out. She stressed the fact that she will still be there for me, but she really needed me to give her some space and not pressure her so much, because she is going through alot of her own stuff. She promised that if i just hang on for the next 2 weeks, everything will go back to normal, but she just wants to let me know that it is nothing personal.
Now, my program head tells me that it's ok, and i can do this, and she doesn't hate me, she just needs some space and she has every right to have that space. Just because she is a spopnsor, she is still human just like me, and she still goes through her own stuff.
But my crazy head is freaking out, thinking how am i gonna do this. i can barely get through a couple days without talking to her.
But, still, on the outside, i am keeping my cool. I have faith that i can do this, but i guess i am looking for some experience, strength and hope from anyone else who has gone through something similar to this.
anything you got sould be great just to give me some hope.
thanks

-Skiss

[historyteach]

(((Skiss)))
Listen to your recovery head....I think it's right on.
Just come here and post more often.
And make more meetings if you have to.
But, you are aware that she's going through alot, and has to take care of some business. That's all, nothing more; nothing less.
Do the above, and say the Serenity Prayer - alot!
You CAN get through this temporary seperation; and maybe even offer to help her? Just a though....
Shalom!

[skissors6]

thanks teach. I have helped her a little so far, and i would love to help more because i am very co-dependent and that makes me happy. but she doesn't really want my help. she said that she doesn't want to have me at the house or around the situation at all til it's over. She said that she doesn't want to put me in the middle of it. Which i understand, but it still hurts, u know?


anyway, thanks for your reply. i will do writing and reading and make more meetings. But that's another thing...she has been missing alot of the meetings im used to seeing her at, due to her being busy, and it makes me feel sad and alone when she is not there, so then it makes me not even want to go to meetings. but someone in program gave me some motivation yesterday, and im not sure if it is even true, but it makes me feel better about going to meetings, so... he said that if i want our relationship (mine and my sponsor's) to grow, i need to go to meetings, even if she isn't there. and i really do want our relationship to grow, so i will go to meetings even if i don't want to. he tricked me. lol

anyway, thanks you!

-SKiss

[In memory of miracle]

It has been my experience in AA and in life,not to depend on any one person too much. I got alot of phone numbers from other women in the program.When my sponser is not around I talk to them.

[skissors6]

Yah. thanks miracle.

i try that, but i still have to get her input on things. ill talk to someone else, but i really don't feel better till i talk to her. I don't know why that is, but i am working on it.

-SKiss

[michski]

I felt like that with my sponsor... alas, she made it clear right from the beginning that she was my sponsor FIRST and my friend SECOND. I did find it mildly irritating, but she's steered me in such a good direction that now I'm grateful for anything and everything she did for me.

I still think of her as my "mommy" and now that I have a sponsee I understand how that love works and how very special it is.

[Paulie]

She is taking care of herself, something we learn in recovery and that is a good thing. Yes reach out to other women in the fellowship. Listen to your recovery voice.

[skissors6]

Originally Posted by michski

I still think of her as my "mommy" and now that I have a sponsee I understand how that love works and how very special it is.

thanks for that. I have looked to my sponsor as a mother-figure for our entire relationship and i have never really heard anyone else relate to it EXACTLY. so thank you. you make me feel not so weird. i thought i was really weird or something. thanks.

-Skiss

[skissors6]

thanks paulie.

i always love what you have to say.

-Skiss

[51anna]

Hi Skiss,

You've gotten some really good advice and you know that there are lots of great women here at SR who can help you get through the next couple of weeks. You're not alone.

Love, Anna

[skissors6]

thanks anna. ill probably be posting alot the next couple weeks. lol

you are all gonna get sick of me.

-Skiss

[BlueMoon]

Sounds like one of those "Learning Experiences" to me.

**shudder**

Blue

[Andygirl]

I'll echo what someone else said about finding some other members of AA or NA to talk to. People are usually very willing to give their numbers if someone needs help.

[skissors6]

yah i know, but it i have a hard time believing that people REALLY want to talk to me. But that's why i have a new motto now. I am going to trust and just take the chance. i shouldn't assume that you all don't want to talk to me. I should believe what you say until u say different.


that was my message from my HP the other day! and now my new motto!

-Skiss

thanks for all your replies!

[namommy]

Skiss,
Knowing your situation (at least what you've told us) this is probably the best learning experience you can get. Learn how to depend on others for support as well. Use those phone numbers. I don't put my number down on the phone list just to waste the tree that it tookto make the paper. I put it there for people to call me.

As far as the meeting thing. I tell my sponsees right off the bat, that 'meeting time' is 'ME time' I don't go to meetings to get together with my sponsees (unless we've planned something special that night), I go to get what I need so I can be there for them. You know the saying "We can only keep what we have by giving it away", well, I don't have anything to give away unless I go and get it for myself first. They all know that I will talk if they REALLY need to, but we usually seperate at the meetings. That's MY time. Although, it was pretty cool to have all of my sponsees sitting with me together at the meeting Sat. Night. I said, "how cool is this to have ALL of my girls here at the same time." and I meant it.

I tell my sponsees that I want them to call each other. We are a family. They are sponsee sisters. They can be there to support each other when they can't reach me. They have all become friends. Why don't you try to reach out to sponsee sisters (if you have any). You already have at least 1 thing in common.

Hang in there.

[indigo]

I agree with all the above, maybe you can use this time to concentrate on your own autonomy. Use what you've learned, use our tools the very fact that you have posted on her means you are perhaps giving trust another chance. You are strong and courageous, you can do it!

indigo

[indigo]

oops my "y" missed again i must clean this keyboard... I meant "your tools" nor "our" lol
indie

[skissors6]

thanks everyone. Yah im actually doing really good.

thanks namommy for pointing out that the meetings are for "me" or "her", and she still needs a program just as i do.

-Skiss