I really need advice

[Dream2bClean]

Hi ladies,


My name is Christine, and up until 2 weeks ago I was clean for 37 days. It put myself in rehab for pills and was fine when I got out and went to NA a lot which I liked and didnt like in many ways. Mainly I didnt like the not being able to at least have a glass of wine b/c I have never been a big drinker. Problem is 2 weeks ago Sunday my husband who taked pills and drinks and an old best friend from H.S. came to visit and they kept tellling me how proud of me they were for the choice to stop taking pills. But we were sitting at an outside rest. and it was a beautiful day and I knew it would be the perfect moment for a valium to make everything even better, and then I could be on the same level as everyone I was with. So I took on and then wa right back to calling in scripts(work for a Dr.) I got a great new job that I start tomorrow, no troubles w/ the old one, just a lot more money w/ the new one. I dont know what to do. Before I kept telling myself that I would worry only about me and not care that my huusband was using, but it tore me up. I resented him, and I was jelouse that he was stilll getting to do what I love. I need to know what to do. Do I tell him no more pills or that is it? We have been together for 12 years and I am only 28. I believe in never giving up on someone, but I also KNOW you cant make an addict do something they arent ready to do. The worst thing is he has been ordering Hydrocodone (I never liked pain pills) off the internet and I know from rehab that when he stop he will get really really sick. Please help me... I dont wnt to do the ultimatum thind, I dont want to be a hypocrite, I dont want to lose him. I dont want to be his party buddy anymore, I want to be his wife, but I also cant be the completely clean one while he is still partying b/c that is eveb worse than being the party buddy.

PLEASE ladies I know you understand. HELP ME.

CHRis

[Anna]

Hi Chris,

Congratulations on your decision to stop taking drugs. In my opinion, you need to focus on yourself. I'm an alcoholic, but I KNOW that it was hard to stop drinking and to stay sober. It took a lot of work and a lot of focus on myself. You need to put your sobriety as the priority in your life if you want it to work.

As for your husband, you know that you can't make him want to stop. You might find support on the NarAnon forum which is for families and friends. It's difficult for you to be around him when he's using so that's something you have to deal with. For me, early on, I could not be around people who were drinking because I felt just as you did - angry, resentful, jealous. It was awful. So I stayed away from those situations for quite a long time. It would be a good idea to stay away from situations and people who are using drugs. Maybe you need to ask your husband to not use drugs around you or you need to leave the room if he is using drugs and do something that taikes your mind off what is happening.

It's hard work and sometimes you need to make tough decisions, but it will be worth it.

Hang around and keep posting.

Love, Anna

[namommy]

I don't have experience with this, I just wanted to come in and say "Welcome". I do know of someone who DOES have experience with this though, and I am sure she will be along soon.

[cleanlady]

hi christine, i'm the person namommy was talking about. first let me congratulate you,its really hard to stay clean when someone close to us is still using.i had almost 11 months,(the most clean time i had ever had) when on new years eve day i found 1 pill in my husbands pocket.i instantly forgot about my program and everything i had learned in n.a. i looked for more, and of course found more. i went to an n.a. dance on pills,didn't get high,and lost my clean time. i tell you this because,i never thought it could happen like that.i thought that if i relaped it would be after i had obsessed over getting high.our addiction will get us however it can!i'm coming up on 90 days and i have to tell you it isn't easy.my husband takes painkillers everyday (my drug of choice) i moved out after a month of hell, i hate that he can take them and i can't.i moved back in a couple of weeks ago,mainly because i love him,and because i know its where i belong.to try to make him stop is crazy, i can only control my own actions and today i choose not to get high.you need to make as many meetings as you can and draw strength from the people you meet so you won't use. for me,staying clean is a choice i have to make everyday knowing i could find his pills scares me so bad,i have to remember what they did for me,nothing!that high made me lose my choices in life!i lost everything that was most important to me! i only cared about my next high! i don't want that ever again! it won't be easy but you have to make some of your own choices.can you live with someone who's using and not use yourself? do you want recovery enough to do whats best for you? i wish i had the answers for you but i don't. just keep posting and know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.