My new life....... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Miss Melinda · 03-13-2005, 04:59 PM

Today I close my 9th month of sobriety, and I start number 10. And really how time has gone by and so quickly. I have 9 months off of drugs (I am a meth addict), and I never thought I would make it this far.

I have had some time to reflect on my progress thus far. I so clearly remember the day, the time, the reasons why I knew I was done. I remember the pain, and the shame, and all of the faces of those who looked at me with complete disappointment.

When I started this sobriety thing, I deemed it as the "unpopularity contest from hell". I didn't have one person in the world who believed in me. My parents, they were angry. My children well, I had abandoned them. My boyfriend.....well I am not sure what he thought, he was out shooting up somewhere. I had no friends left. All I had was me, and my completely low version of what I deemed to be God.

So, in the past months I have learned some really incredible lessons. The first of which was, no matter what, do not lie. Lie is the root of all active addictions. I was quite the liar, I never told the truth, if I were to be honest. I would have never been able to manipulate those who had what I wanted (meth), I lied to everyone, including my children. And I was a terrible mother.

Bad consequences, I never knew that I would still be paying for all of those rotten things I had done so many months ago. I have recently gotten a job, and in doing so I was asked about the lapses of employment. I worked 4 months of the last two years (prior to my recovery), and it is hard to explain that to perspective employers. My health, this is something I don't think I will ever regain completely. I have to always go to the dentist for tooth pain. My children, I CANNOT EVER MAKE UP FOR THE TIME THAT I STOLE FROM THEM, FOR MY OWN SELFISH NEEDS. The loss of my real friends, they don't believe in me anymore, and now that I am sober, I miss them.

As I start my 10th month. I am truly humbled at how far I have come, and how much I have grown. I hated sobriety when I started this, I was miserable. Today I have a HP who looks out for me, and really doesn't judge me one way or the other. I have gotten my children back (and they still love me.....can you believe that) My family, well they are starting to trust me again, and my friends, well I have different friends now, I have sober friends. And I am really quite content, although I still greive my past.

I have learned this about sobriety, if I don't like it I can always go back. Because my past is a stones throw into the future if I choose it to be.

I love my new life, and I thank God everyday for giving me a second chance, even though at times I really did not deserve it.
I anticipate the next month to be as exciting and eye opening as the last 9 have been. I am so proud to be sober.

Thanks for listening.

MM

roxybaby · 03-13-2005, 05:21 PM

Dear MM.,
You are truly an inspiration to me as I begin my journey into sobriety. It has been a really confusing time for me, and your message helped me to refocus onto what I want to eventually atain in life. Congradulations and thank-you; I just want you to know that your sucsess is an inspiration to others. Please keep posting your with your newfound happiness.
luv Dawn

Paulie · 03-13-2005, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Melinda

[font=Courier New] I have learned this about sobriety, if I don't like it I can always go back. Because my past is a stones throw into the future if I choose it to be.

MM

MM -

Yep...it is that same for all of us.

Thank you for sharing, congrats on your 10 months. This journey of recovery is not always an easy one, but I hope I never get off of it.

Thanks.

Miss Melinda · 03-13-2005, 06:15 PM

Roxybaby,

Don't ever go back!!! When I started this, I was so scared. And I felt so abandoned and lower than dirt. The changes that I have made in the last months have been not been easy, but I do not regret not a single minute of it. It has been the most empowering event of my life. I am so glad that I could be of inspiration to you. That is what truly makes this process (12 steps) so wonderful, we can share it with others. Keep focused on what is in front of you, and remember that your past is your past.......don't hesitate on leaving it there. Sobriety has been wonderful to me, I know that it will be to you also!!

MM

KelKel · 03-13-2005, 06:41 PM

MM
thank you for sharing your Expereince, Strength and Hope.
I am so happy to see that you are heading into 10 months of clean time.
The best ammends we can make to our children is to STAY clean and sober.
A simple but profound realization for this gutter drunk.

Hope you like it here... it is a super help to me and my sobriety.

wantneeda · 03-14-2005, 12:00 AM

I'm right behind you!!!! And you are telling my story, 9 months ago I was in your shoes, and my gifts today are also so similar!!!!!
Congrats and keep on keepin on!!!! \\//peace

03-13-2005, 04:59 PM	#1 (permalink)
Miss Melinda .......waiting Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Nevada Posts: 7	My new life....... Today I close my 9th month of sobriety, and I start number 10. And really how time has gone by and so quickly. I have 9 months off of drugs (I am a meth addict), and I never thought I would make it this far. I have had some time to reflect on my progress thus far. I so clearly remember the day, the time, the reasons why I knew I was done. I remember the pain, and the shame, and all of the faces of those who looked at me with complete disappointment. When I started this sobriety thing, I deemed it as the "unpopularity contest from hell". I didn't have one person in the world who believed in me. My parents, they were angry. My children well, I had abandoned them. My boyfriend.....well I am not sure what he thought, he was out shooting up somewhere. I had no friends left. All I had was me, and my completely low version of what I deemed to be God. So, in the past months I have learned some really incredible lessons. The first of which was, no matter what, do not lie. Lie is the root of all active addictions. I was quite the liar, I never told the truth, if I were to be honest. I would have never been able to manipulate those who had what I wanted (meth), I lied to everyone, including my children. And I was a terrible mother. Bad consequences, I never knew that I would still be paying for all of those rotten things I had done so many months ago. I have recently gotten a job, and in doing so I was asked about the lapses of employment. I worked 4 months of the last two years (prior to my recovery), and it is hard to explain that to perspective employers. My health, this is something I don't think I will ever regain completely. I have to always go to the dentist for tooth pain. My children, I CANNOT EVER MAKE UP FOR THE TIME THAT I STOLE FROM THEM, FOR MY OWN SELFISH NEEDS. The loss of my real friends, they don't believe in me anymore, and now that I am sober, I miss them. As I start my 10th month. I am truly humbled at how far I have come, and how much I have grown. I hated sobriety when I started this, I was miserable. Today I have a HP who looks out for me, and really doesn't judge me one way or the other. I have gotten my children back (and they still love me.....can you believe that) My family, well they are starting to trust me again, and my friends, well I have different friends now, I have sober friends. And I am really quite content, although I still greive my past. I have learned this about sobriety, if I don't like it I can always go back. Because my past is a stones throw into the future if I choose it to be. I love my new life, and I thank God everyday for giving me a second chance, even though at times I really did not deserve it. I anticipate the next month to be as exciting and eye opening as the last 9 have been. I am so proud to be sober. Thanks for listening. MM

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03-13-2005, 05:21 PM	#2 (permalink)
roxybaby Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: guelph, ON Posts: 8	Dear MM., You are truly an inspiration to me as I begin my journey into sobriety. It has been a really confusing time for me, and your message helped me to refocus onto what I want to eventually atain in life. Congradulations and thank-you; I just want you to know that your sucsess is an inspiration to others. Please keep posting your with your newfound happiness. luv Dawn

03-13-2005, 06:15 PM	#4 (permalink)
Miss Melinda .......waiting Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Nevada Posts: 7	Roxybaby, Don't ever go back!!! When I started this, I was so scared. And I felt so abandoned and lower than dirt. The changes that I have made in the last months have been not been easy, but I do not regret not a single minute of it. It has been the most empowering event of my life. I am so glad that I could be of inspiration to you. That is what truly makes this process (12 steps) so wonderful, we can share it with others. Keep focused on what is in front of you, and remember that your past is your past.......don't hesitate on leaving it there. Sobriety has been wonderful to me, I know that it will be to you also!! MM

03-13-2005, 06:41 PM	#5 (permalink)
KelKel Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: The Mohave Desert Posts: 2,313	MM thank you for sharing your Expereince, Strength and Hope. I am so happy to see that you are heading into 10 months of clean time. The best ammends we can make to our children is to STAY clean and sober. A simple but profound realization for this gutter drunk. Hope you like it here... it is a super help to me and my sobriety.

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