OK! I'm Trippin

[Vela D.]

I have never been in this situation before. My father died on the 11th of Feb. and I have been on an emotional roller coaster every since. It appears that I am the one who all the responsibility has fallen on. That is some what ok ,but quite overwhelming. I have stepped away twice and have attempted to handle things one day at a time, peice by peice so that I don't do my usual ( RUN ). But today is the worst of all. My father lived with a lady for 25 years. We considered her our stepmom and always treated her with respect. Me and my brothers never mistreated her. However my father who was an alcoholic did for many years. Why she took it I don't know .I never got involved because it was there business. I did voice my opinion of disapproval on several occations. Still they stayed together. I have always lived in a different state. When I was young I stayed there for the summers, and visited with my own children when I got grown. She asked me to handle everything and desolve all of my fathers belongings and myself and my brothers assured her that we would do so. She has taken ill and is bed ritten.
So I've been calling to check on her and her daughter and her granddaughter have been very nasty to me. I am so upset. I understand that they hate my father but they don't have to be nasty to me. I did not do anything and I feel like I am being punished for my fathers mistakes. He was an alcoholic so you can imagine what state his affairs are in and here I am having to straighten them out, and take mess from people who are angry with him. I want to retaliate but I understand why they are angry. That does not mean they are right to be nasty to me. I have been going to meetings. But I can get rid of all the thought of my dad good or bad. I wish everything would just stop.
Vela

[GettingFree]

Vela,

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. No matter what our relationship was (or wasn't) with our parents, it's a major event when they die. It can trigger so many memories and feelings, like you say, good and bad, and it can often just unleash a vat of grief for not only the loss, but grief for what was missed through the years they were alive. So it makes sense that you feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster.

I'm also so sorry that you're being treated so badly by your stepmother's family. Is there a way to check on her without going through them?

hang in there and lean on whoever you can in your support network. This is a time to reach out,
gf

[clancy!]

vela,

of course your fathers death is having a major affect on my dear.You are grieving.Your body is grieving.as GF said no matter what our parents were like, losing them is just HUGE. You need to take special care of yourself at this time,be gentle with yourself.If you are in AA then go to meetings as often as you can, and share your feelings.there you can get it all out, the pain, the guilt, all those feelings you feel you sholdnt have...just share.no one will intereupt or judge you, you will find only love and support .Please consider grief counselling too vela...the trouble is many folk feel you should be getting over it after a month..no way...it takes months to deal with the feelings.In the UK we have a free organisation called 'cruse' who will counsel you for free for as long as you want...im hoping you have them,or something similar in the states.please share your feelings as much as possible, dont bottle them up. You will emerge fro this a stronger,wiser woman.I promise. love comming across the ocean to you.
((((((((((((((((((Vela)))))))))))))))))

Clanc.

[clancy!]

Oh, try just to rise above your unpleasant relatives.If they make unpleasant remarks,just pretend you didnt hear.ignore any negative remark completely and absolutely.Be just as nice as pie yourself.for every rotten thing they say,return a loving one.very very few folk can keep the hate comming when all they get in return is love.try it if you feel strong enough, its very effective.

[Roxann]

I'm sorry this is hapening to you. Settleing a loved ones estate is never easy, and dealing with someone who is nasty to you only because you are related to someone who was nasty to them just sux. I will say a prayer for you and for them also.

Give it to your higher power, go to the meetings, and just be happy you aren't a nasty person. ((HUGS))

[Vela D.]

Thanks guys for your support. Sorry I'm just responding. I've been up and down and just not up to getting on line. I did finally speak with my stepmom and she is her same old polite self. She said she had a bad case of the flu. I'm glad she is better.I told my brither that he was going to have to handle my dads estate because I am not strong enough to handle it on my own. I did not know I would fall apart like this. Each day is a sruggle. almost like getting sober. one step at a time.Thank God I'm in the program. You guys keep me sane. People have been coming to get me and making me go to meetings and AA functions. So I am feeling a little better.
Love you all ,Vela.