My heart hurts

[dixielove]

Last night, the guy I have been in love with for 4 years told him that he wasn't in love with me. The pain in my heart is so overwhelming and everything that I've tried to do hasn't help the hurt at all. I understand and respect his feelings, but I'm a bit confused too.

He always gets so jealous when I'm talking to a guy and always wants to know the details. In the past few months, he has done/said many things that indicated that he had feelings for me. I wasn't the only one to see this and others even said he is expressing interest.

When we talked, he said his main reasons for not dating me are the friendship we have and my ex is a friend of his. He said he that he didn't want to risk our friendship for a relationship.

I've been praying for God's will to be done in this situation. Does this mean that there is no chance of anything ever growing between us? Could time change things? He is about to leave and I won't see him for a long time. I will continue to pray and be patient. Please pray for me also. My heart is in so much pain as I really love him.

Please pray for me.

Dixie

[indigo]

praers being sent for you Dixie

indigo

[Rowan]

Dixie
You have my prayers. I know that pain, and how debilitating it can be. I truly believe, though, that if love is meant to be, it won't need much direction or manipulation on our parts. Make sure you continue to connect with others and let them be there for you while you grieve. Everything will be alright. Hang in there, girlfriend.
Love Rowan

[2stop]

(((((((((((Dixie)))))))))))) Huge hugs and prayers coming your way. I know it hurts so bad. Hang in there and reach out friends who care like you are doing here. *More Hugs*

[Joe Nerv]

I believe it is this pain that causes us to do the most growing. I've been in several long term relationships that have ended in sobriety - and just about every one of them felt like death. I thought I'd never recover from it. I thought I'd never find anyone I felt more deeply about. By biting the bullet, reaching out, complaining to no end, and doing all I could possibly do to get through it without drinking I'm happy to say that each relationship broght me to the next, better, even healthier one. A sponsor once told me it's all practice, it's all a learning and growing experience. Unfortunately sometimes it just plain sucks bad and hurts to no end. i believe that time is the only thing that takes away the kind of pain you're feeling. I hope you use it to become a better more enlightened person.

[GettingFree]

Dixie, I understand more than I'd like to right now. As many of the forum know, I've just suffered the loss of a relationship with a man I truly thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with -- we had been talking for almost a year that way. And so the ending was entirely unexpected and sudden. It's kind of complicated due to his continuing battle with severe issues from childhood abuse and trauma. It has been not quite 2 weeks now, and I've been in shock and denial since then, slowly beginning to inch towards acceptance.

The pain feels incredibly intense. Like Joe says, it feels like death. I have lost 6 lbs in a week from not eating (food seems inconsequential), my sleep is limited (I'll wake up after 3 or 4 hours and am unable to get back to sleep), I feel terribly disinterested in the rest of my life , and this morning started with a very unexpected anxiety attack.

What's helped is that I am reaching out in my pain now in ways I never did before. I'm relying on close women friends and my sister, and have been very direct with them about the pain I'm in and needing their support. Knowing I can call anytime, and just cry if I need to, or ask confusing questions as I try to understand what happened, or listen to the calm of their voice helps. I no longer want to pretend. I'm through pretending.

Don't be afraid to lean on others, and come back here any time,

best
gf

[dixielove]

Thanks for the beautiful words everyone. Only time can take away this hurt but I am feeling a bit better today than yesterday. I'm feeling more hopeful. I did call him this morning and talked to him for 5 minutes. It is so hard to let someone you love go. But they say what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.

Dixie

[Roxann]

Dixie honey I am soo sorry. You are very strong, and you will make it thru. I applaud your courage and wisdom to give it to your higer power, he will bring you through. There are so many ears and shoulders here to cry on and listen, and soo many arms for a great big ((HUG)) Talk it out with us, we're all here for you.

[dixielove]

I'm glad that I have all of you. I need lots of hugs today. A part of me still wants to hold on to hope that maybe God still has a plan for me and this guy I love so much. Yet, I'm scared to have any hope at all for anything in the future for us.

I am grateful for being able to love someone that much and I'm sure I have grown as a person because of it.

Dixie

[GettingFree]

Hey Dixie,

I know how strong the pull is to hold on to hope that things may change. I know that I am feeling a similar pull, but my head tells me that it's destructive to follow that, at least for my situation. I think if I keep the possibility of the relationship spinning in my heart, I'll remain in a kind of limbo, and not do the work I need to do for me. I'll keep the focus outward on the relationship instead of bringing it back to me.

And today I realized that this particular loss has opened up a huge door to the past, this present-day abandonment reminding me of the very early abandoment I experienced. And I know in my gut that is where my work is. I've known it for some time on an intellectual level, but I don't think I've really ever done this 'original pain' work on as deep a level as has just opened up. Perhaps this is the gift of this relationship for me. Perhaps yours has some treasure as well.

best,
gf

[Trudging]

Dixie,
I'm new online here but have some years of sobriety and in that time have lost 2 husbands. I know and FEEL heartache. Just remember that no one is worth drinking over. As you hear in meetings, we do grow through pain. It sucks but it seems true. You'll be in my prayers. It sounds like you deserve more than he had to offer anyway!