Just need an ear.......

[2stop]

All things considered I am doing very well, making progress most days, but some days as we all know stress threatens to destroy any progress we have made. I am determined for this not to be so just want to get some things off my chest. I am sober still so thank you Hp and all who have encouraged me and supported me..Thank you.
It seems as if everything around me is just falling apart, from my marriage to finances to family relationships.......and now a problem at my kids school that really saddens and disappoints me. My two kids go to a church school.....I wish I could say they act like christians but they are not..from the pastor to the teacher to the church members. If the kids take a turkey sandwich to school..the teacher freaks out.....the pastor tells two other kids their his dog and his baby acts better than them.....the teacher has been telling the kids they just aren't right with God....and the pastor wants to baptize my son..who does want to be baptized..but not into this particular church...well the pastor won't come to our house to visit because he says 'he feels uncomfortable being as I am not an Adventist.......I do not belong to any religion nor do I believe God has any religion..but these people believe they own God.....they condemn churches that attend on Sunday.......but rent their church out Sundays for money......

I cannot tolerate it anymore, the kids are quite mean to my daughter..telling her she is not a christian, thta they won't give her toys back if she doesn't attend church, my son is called a 'fa*** at church......

The teacher tells me my two are the only two that behaves, that he really enjoys them.....but now he has taken to asking my daughter some personal and weird questions...my son had asleepover for his birthday this weekend and he asked my daughter to tell him what my son and the two boys did at the party, he asks her stuff about home.......it is upsetting my daughter..I don't blame her.
I made a huge mistake sending them back this year..I knew the school would close if my two didn't attend(there are only 6 kids the whole school)and stupid me didn't listen to my instincts.

I have taught my kids to never condemn a religion..to be tolerant and kind to all...but I am quite upset with this group..My kids come home feeling they should shun Catholics and Sunday goers....It absolutely amazes me that people who claim to love God and who tell the kids God Loves us all can be so cruel to others. I hope this hasn't hurt their spiritual growth.

This morning I was contemplating my philosophy about when having the choice to be right or to be kind..to choose kindness..I am upset with them right now though I just want to go have a visit and tell them straight up..stop condemning people! My son has decided to not be baptized here but hasn't told the pastor yet...he wants me to tell him..I told him it was his(my sons) responsibility to do so and I would support him either way.........I don't knwo..I am angry and hurt right now..and very sad. I have found a few other churches I will take my kids to..I tell them not all churches are like this one..some actually love God enough to love all his people......

Give me some advice..should I have my son tell the pastor..since he has been the one studying with the pastor? Or should I talk to the pastor since I have put him in this environment to begin with? I feel really bad about this all. It just seems like every foundation I have built up and relied on is slipping away and crumbling..hubby and I have arguments and he is taken to telling me to be gone when he gets back...our real estate taxes are way past due, hsbands health is bad, I need to work and am unable to yet..although I am looking, I have no skills..the cheap jobs I maybe could get after childcare we would be no better off.....I start physical therapy this Wednesday to address some of my health problems...Dear God I am so scared!!! BUT I refuse to break..just standing here bending in the wind! LOL......The panic atacks are still bad..but by God I leave the hous eeveryday..there's some progress!!! I am just overwhelmed by it all..I will figure something out..aM SO glad my computer is back working..that's another blessing! Gotta look at the blessings, I know.

Any and all advice welcome..thanks guys..love ya!! *HUgs*

[Val-light]

Hi Tammie,
Thank goodness you're a strong force in your family life. You're staying sober and are giving credit to your higher power. You know your children are taking their cues from you and they see that you care about them. I gather it's too late to change schools now, so just hang in there and keep the lines of communication open in all arenas. I like what you said about bending in the wind because this probably won't be the last challenge you meet rearing children. God is preparing you for the challenges ahead. He won't give you more than you can handle providing you trust in Him.
Can both you and your son address the pastor with your concerns together?
You're in my prayers as you address your health issues as well.
Val

[Paulie]

Wow, only 6 kids in the school, that is amazing. What kind of school is it? That is a very restricted environment. How old are you kids Tammie? I am sorry I don't remember. I think age has alot to do with if you tell the pastor or if you have your son do it.

You are a giving person who always wants to save everyone (I relate to that). Remember that it is not your responsibility to keep this school open. Put your kids where they are safe. If the school does not stay open that is not your problem.

You are still sober, and I am proud of you for that.

[2stop]

Thank you Val..............that may be the best, for both of us....I am pretty upset with the pastor and I know me..I will tell him straight out like I see it....it's a real shame aman taught to spread the gospel and to take care of his flock can't even stand being 'uncomfortable'...I am open minded when it comes to religion and believe there is something to be learned from them all. and that God has NO religion..but WE have each other and we're in this world together, it matters how we treat one another. I still have a bad habit of getting worled up oevr things I have no control over....we all do I suppose.

I have to say I ws soooooooooo proud of myself last week after the doctors appoinment..it ha dbeen about 5 years since I had had a physical or seen a doctor for anything but pain pills.....I almost called in sick!! to the doctor...was going to say I had the flu would just stay in...can you imagine being that scared??!!LOL.........but I went..I left without any prescription!! AND was happy about it!!! After 20 years of pain pill abuse and being 33 now..I am very happy to have found recovery and try to work it the best I can. This site heer helepd save my life.I still remember the day I found this site.......I thought I was good as dead.......but miracles DO happen!!

Thanks for the prayers Val...I pray for all of you too. *HUGS*

[51anna]

Hi Tammie,

Loads of hugs for you!

You asked for advice whether your son should tell the pastor or you should. In my very humble opinion, neither. You should follow your instincts and take your children out of that school which seems like a toxic environment for them. Yes, it's the middle of the school year, but we were a military family and kids can survive changing schools midway through the year. I'm not sure they can survive all the baloney being fed to them at the school they attend.

I know you are an amazingly strong woman and you are right to work on taking care of your physical problems and looking after your family. You said you were planning to begin driving this year and that will be a positive step too. I'm sorry it seems like things are piling up on you right now and I know that's an awful feeling. Just keep standing strong.

Tammie, when I'm really down I listen to this song 'Stand':

"What do you do
when you've done all you can
And it seems like it's never enough?
And what do you say
when your friends turn away,
you're all alone?
Tell me, what do you give
When you've given your all,
and seems like
you can't make it through?

Stand and be sure
Be not entangled in that bondage again
You just stand, and be sure.
God has a purpose.
Yes, God has a plan.

Tell me what do you do
when you've done all you can
And it seems like you can't make it through
Child you just stand
You just stand
Stand
Don't you give up
Through the storm , through the rain
Through the hurt , through the pain

[Chorus]
Well, you just stand
When there's nothing left to do
You just stand
Watch the Lord see you through
Yes, after you've done all you can
You just stand

Don't you bow, don't bend
Don't give up, don't give in
Hold on, just be strong
God will step in and it won't be long
VERSE
Tell me,
how do you handle the guilt of your past?
Tell me, how do you deal with the shame?
And how can you smile
when your heart is broken
and filled with pain?
Tell me what do you give
when you've given your all
Seems like you can't make it through?

After you've done all you can
After you've gone through the hurt
After you've gone through the pain
After you've gone through the storm
After you've gone through the rain
Prayed and cried,you've prayed and cried
Prayed and cried, prayed and cried
After you've done all you can, you just stand.

Child you just stand,
when there's nothing left to do
You just stand
Watch the Lord see you through
Yes, after you've done all you can
You just stand."

Prayers for you and your family Tammie.

Love, Anna

[2stop]

(((((((((Paulie)))))))))) I hear ya on the wanting to save everybody..man I never learn at some things....progress...not perfection..I remember you posting that alot when I first came here.(I can remember somethings!)

My son is 12(just turned twelve last week!) ...........what do ya think? Should I talk with him or let him handle it?

......and next year they are not going back...........one lady at the church is like yeah..you said that last year.LOL.........I am very serious this time...my kids cannot go through this..it is wrong..I adore the other 4 kids and my heart aches for them, but I can only help guide my own. The parents let the other kids come to my house alot( I must not be too heathenish!!)..the kids love it here.......but the teacher is getting really weird...not all people in this religious group are this extreme..but many are unfortunately. I just want my kids to be tolerant of their fellow human beings..period. Being a parent is so tough.

[2stop]

((((((((((Anna))))))))) I knew I should not have taken them back there this year......in one way I feel they are safer(physically) BUT with the emotional stress and spiritual effetcs..this situation is not worth it. I feel so guilty. The past two years weren't quite this bad...but still..I was raised in this crap myself...so many nights I prayed God make me perfect help me be realllllyyy good.....always being told if I lived bad I would be gnashing my teeth against rocks and burn in hell forever..it took me years to overcome the fears and to be spiritual..not religious. Not all are like this church.....it's weird the further west you go, like Califirnia the more liberal..and sane they are...strange. I gave it a chance....thye have three months left..the kids say they can handle it til then...but still..I feel for em..I put them in this situation.

Anyways..thanks for the advice and I love that song..thanks for posting it!
(((Huge HUgs))))))

[51anna]

Tammie,

I didn't mean to make you feel guilty, I know you're an absolutely amazing Mom. But, I went to school in a religious school and it sure was not a good place for me to be.

Your kids will be just fine. After all, school is not their whole life, and you and your husband are a far bigger influence on them.

Love, Anna

[2stop]

Oh no Anna..it wasn;t you thta made me feel guilty...I have been feeling that way a while now..LOL..no help needed on that front! It will be alright..just had to getb some stuff oughta my head..and you guys are sooo awesome..thank you for loving me ..and supporting me..right where I am. It means more than I will ever be able to tell you in words.

[splendra]

((((tammie))))

If it was me I think I would go to this pastor myself and ask him to stop pressuring my son to be baptised and, that if and, when your son is to be baptised your family and your son will sit down together with whomever you choose to do the task and discuss it when the time comes .....he may be afraid to face this person on his own and he is only 12 and the pastor is an authority figure slinging a lot of his own theroy to your son....imo

[2stop]

Thanks Splendra..........I have talked quite a bit with my son about baptism and how he feels and that I will of course support him if he chooses to do so or not to do so....looking back at it now I should have never even have him in the situation at the school...I wanted to believe they had changed I guess, and I felt they were physically safer, having endured some bad bullying at public schools with so many kids and all...but quite frankly and I told the teacher this earlier in the year..I have absolutely no right to be against public school if I am not going to be a part of the solution and help fix things..not that that can be fixed easily or simply...it can't....but I have never felt special or that I was higher society for having my kids in a private school.......and I am seeing in the other kids...some of the way they talk, they feel superior and are quite vocal about it. I want my kids to be able to handle all kinds of situations...so I will chalk it up to experience..and teach them to move on, gracefully and without resentment and prolonged hurt. As a recovering addict I still can get bogged down in the 'injustice' of everything and feel hurt and afraid and angry for months and years! LOL..live and learn I suppose......and be very careful with expectations....don't ever expect that something is what it is just because it "should" be so in our minds.

Thanks all...I appreciate your replies.

[In memory of miracle]

((( Tammie ))) I believe whatever decisions you make will be the right ones. One day at a time !! Bless,Trish

[2stop]

(((((((((Trish))))))))) Thank you my friend!

[splendra]

(((tammie))))

I too know that you will do what is right for your children and I will back you up 100%....

[2stop]

I am so glad to be back here! It helps me so much having you all as part of my recovery. Thank you.

[namommy]

Tammie,

I'm coming in late here, just wanted to let you know that my prayers are with you and your children.

I started attending a church a few years ago, most of the members were recovering addicts and alcoholics, BUT, they didn't let me know that they no longer attended 12 step meetings until after I was baptized and became a member of the church. Then they sat down to tell me that now I should only fellowship with members of the church and not with and 'anonymous' people anymore. They tried to tell me that NA was only a 'Stepping Stone' to God. I am so glad I didn't listen. You see, when it came time to 'live what you preach', they didn't quite live up. I went through a VERY rough time, and when I needed people the most, I reached out to BOTH the Church and to NA. Them members of NA were there in a heart beat, they never left my side. Not ONE member of the church ever returned my calls. That was all I needed to see, to know where I belonged.

What I am trying to tell you in a very long winded way (I get that way) is things are not always as they may seem. It may have seemed like a good idea at the time, and on the outside all looked pretty and in order. It is what is on the inside that shows in the way we live that matters.

Trust in your heart, your judgement, and listen to your children and their feelings (as I know you already are), and you will know what is right to do.

I think you already know that you should go with your son when he talks to the pastor. He could be very intimidating to a young man. He may feel more courageous knowing that you are standing by his side.

[indigo]

Tammie,

I can feel your pain running through this thread, you have alwas been there for anyone when they needed it, maybe now it's your turn to share some of that weight with us, I am sending positive thoughts and love across the ocean to you Tamster!

You will know in your heart what to do and as Namommy said I think your son needs his mommy at his side you can do it 2Stop you are are a strong and splendid soul.

love and hugs indigo

[2stop]

Thank you Indigo..and namommy..you gals are all so awesome........I love you all dearly, you have helped me more than I can ever repay. How much is a life worth?? This site...you ladies is WHY I am alive today. You guys are priceless jewels to me..I know it sounds sappy and all..but it's true. It helps me so much to be able to come here.

WEll, in the morning I start physical therapy. Never thought I would be able to get this help.LOL..finally was able to get insurance. I am blessed.

I have been quite scared lately..worried...but I tend to go within now....I don't run from the pain. It still hurts as bad as when I avoided it..but now I can actually work through it..and grow and learn ya know? Where before I would just curl up in a ball and stop moving, stop thinking, stop feeling..and just drugs drugs drugs.......I refuse to go back to that..I had a few moments before going to the doctor last week when I thought you know what?? I could use some klonopin for the panic attacks..sleeping well would be sooo nice...it couldn't REALLY hurt could it/? Well, immediately I started remembering all the pain and all the work it took just to get through a week sober! I thought heck no...ain't happening. Then I went into...okay..physical therapy..that's going to hurt like all he!!.........pain pills would be 'okay' during the therapy...like he!! it would..LOL..my brain DOES NOT KNOW I take it for pain or to get high...so I am not going to take any narcotic or barbiturate...period. I was so proud of myself when I left that doctors office.....I took you all in with me though........you're in my heart ladies...and you go with me everyhwere I go. Thanks for being such good friends.
Did I tell you? I made a face to face friend?? She said she really likes me and when she gets her license back she wants take me and do girl stuff. Her son comesover to the house quite a bit..she is a very genuine person I could see that when I met her..but I still have trust issues f2f so kinda hung back...she approached me. She tells me how well I am looking, I have been losing weight.not talking too much f2f it seems kinda nice to receive a compliment..hubby is never home and too tired to notice or upset with me..and I do crave some attention..he says too much..which really isn't true, but anyways..LOL!......and she tells me she appreciates me watching her son when she has to go out of town...she is the only person in that church to really hug ya you know..I admit it felt good..I love to give hugs but I noticed I seem to shy away from being hugged...kinda odd. Hugs are great for you...Just working through everything now as a sober person is challenging and different I guess..time takes time.

Well, I have rambled on enough. Take good care of yourself ladies. Thanks for being such genuine loving and accepting friends.

[namommy]

We have a member in NA here who is very vocal and out going. During the meetings when people are introducing themselves he yells "GET A HUG!!" really loud. While reading your post I could hear him yelling it to you.

"GET A HUG!!!!" :hugehug

[indigo]

Hi

hope you're having a good day there here's a hug for you.

love indigo

[2stop]

Awwwwwww......Thank you! ((((((((((Indigo)))))))))))

Hugs to you all too!!!!!!