Have any other woman ever been in my situation???

[Dream2bClean]

Hi,

I have been clean for 27 days on my first attempt at getting clean w/ the help of rehab and NA. My problem is that my husband is still using and that causes me to get very frustrated w/ him and even mad. I am 28 and we have been together 12 years and have partied together the whole way, until now. I just cant do it anymore, I knew something really terrible was about to happen to me. The whole time we have been together I have never been mad at him so I dont know how to deal with it, we have never even had a fight. On Friday I was so sick of seing him not totally coherent that I decided it would be easier for me to use than to deal w/ how I was feeling. Luckily after an hour of making preperations to use, I somehow talked myself out of it and went to an NA meeting, and I am so glad I did. I am hoping another woman here got through this type of situation, was able to stay clean, and in their relationship. I do love my husband and besides from being a little sleepy at times he is a great man. Please let me know how you got through it and how long it took before you could stand to watch someone else w/ a beer in theor hand and not be jelous.

Thanks

[Evanna]

Hey Want,
I havent got any useful answers here. I have heaps of admiration for your determination and desire though.

My husband and myself also used together a lot of years and to be honest i dont know that i could ever stand by and watch him use my drug of choice for any extended period (or even short time) without using myself. I am 2 yrs clean now and still dont believe i could handle that. If i wanted to stay clean i am sure i would need to get out.

I was lucky insofar as when i reached a point of desperately not wanting to use anymore and wanting a life without drugs he had also reached that place. The routes we chose to recover were different though. I chose NA and total abstinance while he chose to go it alone with just a counsellor for support and still drinks. I am okay with this and respect his choices. Yet i know it would be different if he were either using my drug of choice or if his drinking appeared problematic.

So in answer to you question i dont think i could have got through it. What you can get through i dont know. I dont believe i could have managed 3 days clean with my husband using (unless i left him, done that a few times) let alone 27 days.

You are a star!
Warmest Wishes
Evanna.

[gratefulgal]

want2bclean,
It is so extremely difficult to deal with a loved one who still uses after you get clean. My heart goes out to you. I have a very close friend/boyfriend (I'm in denial that we're a couple!) that still uses that I still spend time with. Everyone but me strongly thinks I should not be around him but I am just not ready to do that. I am grateful that we are not married nor live together so I feel for those who are married in this situation. I have heard several AA members share how their current spouse still uses/drinks and they choose not to divorce them. A lot of those people go to al-anon/nar-anon to get help for themselves. I'm actually planning on going to a nar-anon meeting myself because I just don't know how to deal with this situation. Even though I'm an addict myself and know exactly how my friend's mind works, I need help coping with this. I hope you find some serenity