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Old 01-12-2005, 09:42 AM   #1 (permalink)
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"Sober" Addict / behaviors ?

Can you all explain to me what you know about this type of thing? Someone was telling me it's like a "Dry" Drunk. I have not used for a few years, but I have also never dealt with anything surrounding my addiction and so i'm wondering what sort of behaviors are typical in this type of thing. I KNOW I need to get my butt to a meeting or at least some counseling, but I've done a fantastic job of ignoring it for a LONG time. undefinedundefined
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Last edited by pdfly; 01-12-2005 at 09:44 AM. Reason: didn't add all info
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Old 01-12-2005, 12:14 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Im not sure what your asking. It sounds like you are asking for someone to discribe a dry drunk so you can see if you fit the discription.
It really does not matter the fact of the matter is that you have managed to stay sober which means that God is real and good because only he could keep a drunk or addict without a program sober that long. I'm not sure what your issues around alcohol or drugs are but I do know what will help you. Get a Big Book of Alcoholics Annonymous. Read the first 164 pgs. Then work the suggested 12 steps. They will help you begin to deal with your issues. Get a sponsor who has also worked the 12 steps and go to a meeting. You don't have to face you alone anymore. There are many who will help you. You just have to go where they are located. The rooms of AA.

I'll be praying for you. Vela
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Old 01-12-2005, 02:50 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi pdfly,

Personally, I do not like the term "dry drunk" or obsession about "addict behaviors." If someone calls you a dry drunk, tell them to take a hike and "check their own inventory." These are labels that can diminish a person's self-esteem. Most women with a history of chemical dependency also have history of trauma, abuse, low self-esteem, depression, and/or anxiety. I have heard the term dry drunk used in reference to someone who is angry, resentful, etc., yet sober. Used in this context, the term can serve to devalue or invalidate a person's feelings.

Not everyone needs to "work a program"--12 Step or otherwise--to maintain sobriety. You are living proof of that. I know many people who have successfully conquered chemical dependency through spontaneous, independent remission--where programs and meetings have failed.

Sobriety and recovery is an individual matter, because each person has unique needs, experiences, and circumstances. A one size fits all approach, or a generalized label, cannot adequately solve or describe the problem of addiction. You might have a history of chemical dependency--but related labels should never define you.

Think about smoking cessation--research studies show that most people successfully quit smoking cigarettes independently--with no programs, medicines, hypnotherapy, etc. But ex-smokers are not labeled smokeless smokers. That would be absurd.

You mentioned that you may have issues, underlying your addiction, that you feel have not been addressed. If you are ready to work on these issues, you might try a therapist or a support group that is related to your presenting problems. Ask yourself if you need enhanced support at this particular juncture. If the answer is yes, explore your options. If the answer is no, go easy on yourself and don't worry about all these labels (I know-- that is easier said than done).

All The Best, Susan
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Old 01-18-2005, 02:51 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Oh no !

What a Bunch of crapppppppppppp!
Sorry I am just getting back but I am loaded at work.
Everyone has an opinion,and some of us need to think before we speak.
If what Susan is saying was true then there would be no AA, NA,CA,OA, GA,SA or any other A for that matter. We may have come down different roads to get here but there is one road to stay. You just have to find out where your space is on the road. There are some people who get sober by other methods ,but the number is small. Check the satistics. More people stay sober by coming to AA than any other method.If the 12 steps did not work then AA would not be as successful as it is today. People who think that they are unique are usually people who can stop but can't stay stopped.
Nothing is unique about an addict or a drunk. We drink and we use to much, to often and loose control of the drinking or drugs, then our lives and/or our health.Thank God there was someone just like me when I came to AA. It felt good not to be alone and not to be the only one like me. My God there was a solution and hope for me. There is also hope for you. If you were a diabetic you would take the best medition. If you had aids you would take the best medition. Not the one that worked for some people but the one that worked on the most people. The one that was recommended the highest by the doctor. Hospitals,treatment centers, courts and chilren and family services all over the world are recommending AA and other 12 step programs .They are not sending people away saying do what ever you think works, because most of the problem is our thinking. Get a SPONSOR, go to meetings, Work the 12 Steps and PRAY.
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Old 01-18-2005, 03:52 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I agree with Vela, I went to many counselors for many years and never felt the relief I feel now by attending NA meetings. I think it is really important to go to meetings and to work the 12 steps. It is not easy but necessary. Personally, right now I am going through a very stressful time with my husband and being out of work and possibly disabled. I am being emotionally abused and the 2nd and 3rd step have saved me. For that matter the 1st Step definately saved me.
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Old 01-19-2005, 02:38 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I have to say I agree wholeheartedly with Vela.

There is a hellluva lot more to stopping drinking than stopping drinking! And at the end of the day, AA works because it is an holistic approach - and we get the opportunity to fix the root cause of the problem. Very few (if any??) do it on their own.

Check out AA - you said it yourself, you know you need to get your butt to a meeting!

Good luck!
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Old 01-19-2005, 06:05 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi ladies,

I'm new at this, and think I'm beginning to understand the idea of recovery vs. not drinking and the need for a program. I've been researching the different programs and cannot find anything on success rates of different programs that isn't "partisan". Can you let me know where you are getting your statistics? I'm looking for a good resource on this.
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Old 01-19-2005, 10:38 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Well,

I thought Susan wrote a really nice, thoughtful, intelligent reply.She made a great point, and put it well. Vela, please dont just walk in here and call peoples ideas and beliefs ****. That is so rude girl, doncha have any manners? What worked for you, worked for you.That is great. Share about that, but dont rubbish Susans Ideas just because she did things differently.

Check out the stastics you say...but leave no link or anything TO check out...

Not that most stats are worth that much or stand up to complex analysis I guess.

Susan, I thought your post and ideas were refreshing, I too dislike all this labelling of people with this and that, I agree its apalling for ones self esteem. Do come back and post again, the huge majority of folk here are great.
love clanc
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Old 01-19-2005, 10:46 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Oh yeah, and it would be neat if you took you own advice and thought before you spoke and called others beliefs ****. tsk.tsk...
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Old 01-21-2005, 02:51 PM   #10 (permalink)
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First let me say that this is not the first time I have posted, so I did not just walk on. Everyone has an opinion and the freedom of speech.Second I would not have posted if I did not think first.Clancy, you gave your opinion of Susans post and I gave mine. Who are you to say I'm rude or don't have manners in your opinion. Susan saw both posts, this means that she can take what she likes and leave the rest,and so can you.
If it is not for you it is not for you, but when I post it is always to help someone or be help. The post from pdfly basically stated that what she had been doing was not working for her. She stated herself that she needed a meeting or counseling.My post stated that if she wanted to feel better or get in touch with what is going on with her the 12 steps is a good solution.

It was for me and 2 million other people in 150 states. Are there other methods of course there are other methods ,but none have worked as well as the 12step program. Call any treatment center or Hospital. Get on AA.com, Alcoholism.about.com,www.voai.org, go to the library or get a 4th edition Big Book of AA it tells you statistics. AA is anonnymous so it is hard to find. Read the third edition preface also.AA works. The 12steps work and if they are not important then I'm not sure why 300,000 copies of the Big Book has been sold since 1939 and 1,1,50,500 since 1955 and that does not include the third or the fourth edition. You need more about why I believe 12step programs work or are the best course of action . Go to founders Day in Akron this year. It's held at the University of Akron the first or second weekend in June of every year. Go to the World conferance for AA in July in Toronto this year and see for yourself how many people have recovered by way of the 12 step program and tell me it does not matter.

Now there are other ways and you can try them or maybe you already have, But if you have not been involved with a 12step program for at least 1yr. then don't say it does not matter or people don't need it because you don't know. There are other methods I use to inhance my life and my sobriety and if you work the 12steps, go to meetings,pray and read or listen to the big book, talk to a sponsor and sober people you will learn how to do that too. The 12 steps help you get back to living one day at a time with life on life's term. I don't sugar coat because this is life or death for me maybe others can toy around but I can not. God led me to AA and AA led me back to God and for that I am grateful and free for now of the bondage of self, alcohol and drugs.
Remember to thine own self be true. Do what you need to do not what you want to do.
No hard felling Clancy and Susan.
Vela
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Old 01-21-2005, 03:29 PM   #11 (permalink)
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[QUOTE=Vela D.]What a Bunch of crapppppppppppp!


Im sorry vela, but To write the above in response to someones caring and carefully thought out response to anothers members question IS rude.

Who am I to say you are rude? Just another member is all. Here at SR we try to be kind to each other, and dont rubbish each others views like you did Susans.

Folk can be shy and quite nervous sometimes about posting, especially newcomers, and I think Susan is new here. I'd be really hurt if somebody responded to my post like that....hey its not rocket science is it??

Disagree, by all means, but do it gently. Many folk here have been through an awful lot, they come here for support,okay?
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Old 01-23-2005, 03:29 PM   #12 (permalink)
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You know I also hope people come to SR to be honest,to learn and to grow.
I did not come here to conform to who the world needs me to be. I am who I am and I responded with fear for another alcoholics life. Focus on pdfly and here issue of basically being stuck and asking what to do. Then being told to do nothing because she's ok, when clearly she was not or she would not have posted. I am very straight forward.

Susan the intent was not to hurt you but to make you think. Hopefully about why you believe what you believe. It certainly made me think about my beliefs and why. It only made me believe in the 12steps stronger.

Pdfly I hope you went to a meeting and got with a sponsor. I'm praying for you,Susan,me and Clancy.

I'm nice when nice is required. I'm forward when forward is required. For some this is something to do, for others its life or death and the information or responses you give is critical.Sometimes we are afraid to tell people the real because we want be liked or known as a kind person.I am not kind if I let you die in ignorance. I am kind if I tell you the truth.So sorry if you think I'm rude. If you really knew me you would know that the "what a bunch of crappp" statement was kind.

I don't believe that this board is for arguing either so unless pdfly or Susan wants a further explaination of my beliefs on the 12 steps I will not be replying to the above arguement again. Keep it simple ! Vela
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Old 01-23-2005, 04:39 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Oh boy, you dont get it. No matter how wrong you thought Susans beliefs were, you are not going get any listeners when you prefase your arguments with insults. Immediatly it says something about you and your argument....something unflattering.

Being forward is fine, just please dont be RUDE. It just makes folk want to dismiss the rest of what you have to say, you just totally devalue it, and yourself, you understand?

Ok I will desist from this matter now too, I hope you will think about what I said, and be a little more thoughtful in future.Respekt is the way forward.
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