frustrated...

[SamanthaK]

for some reason i started out in a really good mood today and then because of the attitude of other people i get in a bad mood. it's so hard for me to get out of these moods...you know, i'm not sure if it's my pride still poking through but it's so hard for me to pick up the phone and call my sponsor. i've never really talked to her, and i know she'll help me, but it's so hard for me to admit that i need help. people tell me that i need to talk to my sponsor, but i'm so hesitant and it bugs me. maybe i'm afraid she'll say something i need to hear or something...i don't know. i had a horrible sponsor before, the program director that announced himself my sponsor, and i never talked to him at all. now i have a female sponsor, and i'm scared to talk to her. i get frustrted because every time someone around me is in a bad mood i automatically assume i did something wrong. that's what i'm used to and it pisses me off that i can't allow myself to be happy today. my sponsors husband and my boyfriend are going to take me to a meeting in Raton NM later on and i don't wanna go, but i do know that if i don't think i need a meeting then i probably do, and i do think i need a meeting.

Higher Power, help me to get out of self this evening. help relieve my insecurities and take me out of self-pity mode. help me to see the positive things of life instead of negative things, please open my mind and guide me today. Higher Power, wrap your arms around me and help me be comfortable in my own skin and not to take others actions and attitudes personally. Amen.

it's amazing how just typing all this makes me feel a little better thanks for your time

[Paulie]

When you call your sponsor, you are helping her as much as helping yourself, try to think of it that way.

This morning I was watching a minister on TV he was talking about how we let other people in our lives steal our joy. I do that all the time by taking on others moods, by letting people affect my good mood. He said it so simply, we are doing ourself such an injustice by letting others steal our joy. We are doing our HP an injustice by letting others steal the joy he gives us.

[wastedtime4me]

This is something i work on just about daily ...
I was feeling really good yesterday.For the first time in a while i mean i was feelin REALLY good.I went to a cheap store and bought a few groceries.I got outta the house a bit.I have not been able to eat alot due to dental problems.The nite before i even exercised a bit so i was happy to finally be feelin happy.I hadnt been outta the house other than to go to the doctor in a long time~
I came home ...then hubby came home right after..He is always controlling the money around here ..esp since i cant work outside the home.As soon as he saw i had gone out and spent a bit his face just dropped~
I gave him the reciepts all 45 bucks worth!! and walked away.I was not letting him suck the happiness outta me like i usually ALLOW him to do~
It is hard work but can be done.I am living proof as i have to do everyday!!!

[SamanthaK]

thank you for letting me know i'm not alone. i guess i'm just so used to having to change to please others, (allowed myself to stay in a controlling abusive relationship) it's gonna take some time and effort to get out of that habit i guess...although i hate being controlled, now that i'm out of that bad relationship, i find myself in other friendships that have the same type of control...the lady i'm staying with really topped it off today...she left to go to Denver over night and she took it upon herself to make arrangements for someone to take me home after the women's AA meeting earlier. well, she didn't discuss it with me and i had other plans. well the lady who was supposed to take me home made this big deal about it saying that i'm not supposed to go with Amanda who is my best friend and has been sober 10 months. well this lady made me really angry and i left anyway with amanda. i don't like people thinking they can control me now...if i wanted to be controlled i'd go back to my ex....anyway, i guess i just can't wait to move into my apartment next week...