struggles

[clancy!]

Hello my friends,

Im struggling right now, do with a little support. Im tapering lower and lower off my tramadol and getting weaker, and feeling awful.I never sleep well, just toss and turn until morning.Then I take my meds and that is the very best time of the day, I get to relaks, and I feel as if im off the hook for a ouple of hours, and kan sleep.I find myself really looking forward to this time of day. My partner is VERY impatient for me to get a job and get earning,he feels that now ive gotten down to a low level of use I kan get a job again. The trouble is I feel so God awful tired and lak lustre now.It was a whole lot easier to work when I was taking 15 pills a day.How ever if I try to to talk to him about this it sounds SO lazy and awful. Ive been on the this taper for weeks now and am down to 4 pills a day. I just want a holiday from feeling so rotten all the time, Its a dangerous way to feel I know. My partner always seems low and grumpy, I just skulk around trying not to take up to muh room.I feel so guilty that we are broke from me not working. Ive applied for several jobs this week but feel really skared of how im going to deal with them if im suksessful. Just need a few hugs really girls.

hugs to you all

[Paulie]

You can do this Clancy....I read your response to Spirit!!! You can do this.

[clancy!]

Yup, I CAN do this. im going to do this. Wow this soooo isnt easy tho. Maybe im prolonging the torture with this taper, and should just go cold now? hmm!!

[bikewench]

Clancy....

Of course you can do this.

To start...change your thinking from victim to warriorchick... and then start challenging any personal thoughts that try to make you back into a victim.

The sickness doesn't come from outside us... it is a result of our own beliefs about things.

Understanding codependancy and how that transmutes into mental illness and depression is the ticket to freedom. And taking care of ourselves is the train out of mental town.

[Paulie]

(((Clancy))) I would not recommend cold turky because I have NO experience with the drug that you use.

I just wanted you to remember what you posted to Spirt....you can do it just like she can. We ALL make excuses because it is easier.

No, it is not always easy, but it is the BEST thing you will ever do for yourself.

[indigo]

You CAN do it little sister I know it.

love indigo and a great big bear hug!

[clancy!]

Thanks guys,y'all are the best. Ive been doing quite well with the positivity and stuff, but then suddenly this wave of patheticness came over me...like i was lying on the groung with my claws in the air opening and closing my beak weakly.doh.time to get back on my perch and start hitting those negative thoughts dead with my cuttlefish.bam! bam! bam!

[51anna]

Clancy,

I know you can do this. You are strong enough to make it and you know you'll be much better off. You go!

Love, Anna

[jazpoppy]

Clancy, you have come so far. Much further than I. I was weak and have gone back to the beast. I am in need of medical attention now. Seeing that you have come so far, helps me with my struggles. I was yanked off my Ultram cold turkey right before Christmas, and I still feel TERRIBLE! My doctor would not give me anymore. I could have bought them on-line, but I didn't want to spend the money, so I bought poppies instead! YUCK! Now I am desperately looking for a methadone or buprenorphine program to maintain myself on until I get my depression under control. I wish you the best and hope you keep on fighting the good fight! I will be watching your progress as I try to pick myself back up and kaplunk back on the wagon!

Luvs;

Jaz

[Paulie]

Jaz -

You can do it to, you are no different than Clancy or me, or any of us.

[clancy!]

Lordy,

jaz dont go on methadone!! That stuff is evil and the worst thing to get off akording to various mates of mine who have been thru the 'meth mangle'. dont go near that ok? buprenorphine is supposed to be good esp when it is kombined with an antagonist ('suboksone" sorry, you spell it with an 'eks' and i dont have one on this keyboard).

Its was something I meant to try, but now hopefully im going to get off via this taper.Im finding it hard, by my yoga and meditation help me enormously when im down.I turned my little spare room into a kind of temple room and I do my stuff in there.I dont use that room for anything mudane now,but do guided visualisations and stuff.After doing yoga is agreat time to meditate.Sometimes I just lie quiet and try to open my mind in kase the big guy wants to talk...... I find the answers arrive mostly in my dreams.I keep a little book by my bed to write down my dreams in kase i forget them.Then I figure them out. I enjoy doing this stuff, it helps me to learn about me.Maybe you kould try some stuff like this? there are a lot of good books about meditation and dreamwork. Free free to pm me ok?

[spirit]

hi clancy, what are the tabs you were taking, were they stimulants, i am in australia and not heard of them???

cheers
kath

[clancy!]

Spirit,
I am on a dekreasing taper from Tramadol, (ultram) its an opiate derivative.One of those the drs tend to say is not addiktive but is,HORRIBLY. It has similar properties to an SSRI too,but differs in that it works like an aspirin for depression, an hour later you are no longer depressed.not high,but feeling happier and more positive.You kan imagine what a mother it is to quit.

[jazpoppy]

I am trying to busy myself with extra work. I took a second job, but I work from home, so I don't have to go anywhere. Its good extra money. I decided not to do methadone I have also heard that its bad news. Bupe is still an option, but I will have to save money before I can afford to pay for it, its not covered by my insurance. I am am codeine for my back and I am using it as a taper from the tea. I have NO pods in the house, and I take a couple of codeine every 6 hours, I don't feel high, just semi-normal, except for the depression. I am tempted to drink alcohol, but alcohol is a depressant and would make me feel worse. I am going to crochet myself a scarf as a reward for getting of this junk. I am very very tired of life right now. I hope things look up soon! I can't wait to see my sig. other this weekend. He always cheers me up! I hope you everyone is doing well and i would like to thank everyone here at SR for their positive reinforcement! It really does help!!!

Luv Jaz