HMMMMM what to do

[liveweyerd]

Remember I have been staying in touch with my ex after 2 years of no contact. Set boundaries of respect.

Well, I emailed him the same way we talk to each other here, that he should take his eyes off his girlfriends recovery, stop the blame game and work on his own.

ooo he did not like this.

So he wrote and told me that my boyfriend said a lot of cruel and malicious things to him about me.
I know this is not true.
Just an attempt to hurt.
Or cause doubt or mistrust.
QUACK.

I responded that I knew this was false and I would not think of insulting Danny by even asking him about it. That it was only said to hurt me and doesn't have anything to do with me at all.
And then I said I have a slogan for this....don't meddle with the affairs of dragons because to them you taste crunchy and good with ketchup.
Borrowed that from here, thanks, I love it.

Now what, eat popcorn and laugh? Or cut off all contact again? Or wait for response before I decide?

He has been a good friend up until now.

I am tempted to email him that this is easy, I will step out of his life and he and his girlfriend will have no more problems. (yeah right!)
I have offered many times before. He always says, please, no.

Right now, I think I need to step back. And do nothing.

Opinions, please, por favor,
love ya
live

[namommy]

That is a tough one. I have 2 ex's, the first I have NO contact with, and the 2nd I only contact him regarding the kids or his health (he has a bad heart and for the sake of the kids I keep updated). I used to get involved and listen to him about his girlfriends or his new wife, but that always backfires. Now, I just stay neutral and don't get involved.

[liveweyerd]

I posted a thread on the tactics of batterers.
Call that a constructive response??????

Besides, I have nothing but time.
And time tells.

Thanks, Anna
I kept in touch for the good friendship. This is the first time he has violated my boundaries. In about a year.

[indigo]

Live is this man essential to your wellbeing? just a thought.

hugs indigo y Feliz Ano ~ Nuevo

PS: Un Amigo tan especial como usted esta siempre cerca di mi covazan! (excuse my spelling por favor)

[51anna]

Hi Live,

That's an easy choice for me. I no longer have anything to do with anyone who purposely tries to hurt me.

Love, Anna

[cj.]

AMEN ANNA!!

Neither do I.

[Paulie]

Ditto to Anna.

What are you getting out of this friendship?

[liveweyerd]

I am having problems, I can't see any of your replies., I am posting to see if it comes up or brings the others back???

[liveweyerd]

hey, that worked? Real weird in cyber land today!

[nodope]

Live, Personally I would say he purposely wanted to hurt you because you supposedly hurt him. That will lead to trouble.

It is so hard to cut off contact with men who we love. I swear they are also wired different. Shoot, science says so. He'll probably get over it real quick where us women methodically try to calculate the whole thing.

I'd lay back and wait. I think he's expecting a response again. Just my warped opinion though.

Hopefully I'll make you laugh. My "gentleman" friend said to me last night "YOU ARE THE DAIRY QUEEN". This in response to me watching Louisianna State football, and saying I'd have loved to be the "Magnolia Queen" Dairy Queen? Hmmmm. I laughed, and said "Then you must be the King of old, fat, and bald". Then we both started laughing our butts off, and hugged. Isn't love grand?

[liveweyerd]

Well, ladies, I respect your opinions more than you will ever know. They come from support and strength.
It was not easy, this guy always makes me laugh. I've enjoyed the friendship a great deal.
But after thinking about this for two days, listening to you all, listening to myself, going back and reading the books for the abuse syndrome and being able to understand first hand what he is doing.

Well, I drew a boundary in the beginning and even if it depresses me, I must say what I mean and mean what I say. I have emailed him, that I appreciate the help we have been to each other but because of the hurtful and untrue things said to me, it is with sadness that I must end this communication.
That he can get support and friendship from AA and places like this, he does not need me.
And I cannot have this in my life.
And wished him the best for the new year.
Signed it regretfully,
and sent it.

Frankly I expect anger and retaliation. By abandoning him, he was all ready in a bad place and this helps light the match to the volcano.
I pre-warned my boyfriend. As well as forwarded the original message so he would understand.

But, hey what can he do, we are miles and miles apart.
It is easy to hang up the phone or delete an email.
He can't afford to harass me in person, the airfare is beyond his means. hahahahahaha

[Paulie]

[mizeeyore]

Wow. The abusive thing. They're nice one minute to get something, then picking a fight the next, then beating the &*it outta ya, then they're sorry and will never do it again. Whew. Been there, done that. And they still think, ten years after you file the permanent restraining order, that you'll "come around", that they never really were that awful, we deserved to be treated the way we were and after all, should have just not pissed them off like we did.

You did the right thing, and you did it nicely. Don't expect, however, that this will stop them from trying to start the cycle all over again. After all, you'll "come around" eventually....

Good luck!