I think I can....or can I ?????? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

beezylou · 12-31-2004, 06:50 PM

I am really struggling here... It has been about 24 hours since I had last handfull of percocet/soma/xanax cocktail and I am about to start tearing my house apart looking for something i may have forgot to flush.....My sponsor
came over earlier and we prayed I could have prayed all night but my duty
as a mother/wife called.

I have done this sooo many times and the first week really sucks..... I cannot believe I am back in this situation. These drugs just make me crazy and I want to use to ignore my past but instead I ignore the present. I think my husband likes me more when I am impaired. I asked him and he said I was easier to get along with but he definitely wants me clean.

I am paralyzed by this addiction crap......sucks the life out of me even when I am not using. I am gonna go bake or something...I have a visit with my in-laws..talk about timeing.....oh boy it is gonna be a long weekend for all of us here.

I can do this...
beezy

Dawn10 · 01-01-2005, 08:06 AM

Beezylou,
It is a New Year. Time for new beginnings. You CAN stop. But here is the big BUT...
But, many of us tried on our own. And failed. You inferred you have tried before. Boy, does that sound familiar. Been there, done that.
Please consider therapy, rehab, detox or all of the above. It is a lifesaver and life changer.
Detox/rehab helps you through the withdrawal symptoms, therapy helps you discover why we used and the triggers that kept us coming back.
An addicts brain is wired a little differently and that pleasure center reads those pills in a different way. That is what brings on those cravings.
In the mean time, find something that can divert those feelings--take a walk, do something with the kids, listen to music.
You can PM me if you want to talk more. :hello2

**51anna** · 01-01-2005, 08:34 AM

Hi Beezy,

It is a hard time to get through but it will be so worth it in the end. You can have your life back instead of being controlled by a substance. Stick with it and you'll make it.

Love, Anna

clancy! · 01-01-2005, 09:31 AM

Hey Dawn,

What do you mean an addikts brain is wired differently??? Do you know that for a fakt, or are you just sumising? If you have any evidense of this, I'd be very interested to read it, if you point me in the right direktion?

Thanks!

clancy! · 01-01-2005, 12:03 PM

Hi dawn,

i looked that up,interesting! seems our brains not atually wired differently from birth,but 'rewired' by our using. After five years in recovery we have the same chance as a normie of relapse according to this u.s govt web site. Which would imply that additiction is not a life long disease after all, just gotta get that 5 years under our belts.... quite encouraging, dont know if thats the last word on it tho!

namommy · 01-01-2005, 01:58 PM

Beezy,

Hang in there. I need to let you know that I am going to use this post as an example to one of my sponsees who relapsed yesterday. I mean, reading your post was the same conversation I had with her 20 minutes ago. I want to let her know that she is not unique and there are others just like her out there.

Clancy,
I will try to find the link again, but there is a web-site on "addiction as a disease", it tells about the neuropathways in our brains, and how we are wired.

clancy! · 01-01-2005, 02:11 PM

cool mommy, Im facinated by that stuff. Hmm im already supposed to have one lot of wires in the wrong place with ADHD,Ill blow my circuits if any more go.

Oh well, love to read that stuff anyhow.

nodope · 01-01-2005, 02:34 PM

Hey Beezy,

This is a tough part. It is not easy. Like you said though you've done this before. Now this time will be your last time. It does really stink, and just your post gave me shudders.

Hmmmmm. How about our rewired brains? Actually I like mine. I think it makes me funnier.

You can do this, Beezy, and you can keep on. Keep on going. If I could do it anyone could. I know all too well those handful of conncoctions.

Just what is it with some of our men too? I have been told by significant other I'm much nicer, sweeter, GIVING when I'm high. Alas he stuck by me though, and continues to do so. That's tre love.

Stay strong, and look forward to the next day, and the next, and the next.

beezylou · 01-02-2005, 05:07 PM

Thanks for everyones input.
I have survived the In-Laws (out-laws, whatever ) I also have not found anything anywhere nor have I looked. I did think about looking though. Clancy....Why did you go to a Govt. web site...I do not know about anyone else but I do not much trust thier statistics or findings. So maybe we will look into that. Ironic as it is my husband works with addicts and such..teenagers but a brain is a brain. I will have to ask him. Though i am sure he told me I was just to blasted to remember.

So day 3 is here and I am doing just okay...feel like crap and had some headaches and other side effects from not taking my cocktails. I am afraid i can not do this.....I do not want to blow this again. it is so hard...this part.
I wanna scream ...but I will not. Not a big screamer ....Thanks again and I will check on that brain thing...

Happy Days
Beezylou

Dawn10 · 01-02-2005, 05:23 PM

Don't feel defeated. We have all felt that way, because the work ahead of us is big, but worth the results.
Every little step seems insurmountable, so just do one thing at a time. For example, find some places to call. Then the next day or so, call one or two.
Or find a meeting to go to.
:nye

mizeeyore · 01-02-2005, 06:11 PM

http://www.emory.edu/EMORY_MAGAZINE/...addiction.html
http://www.sageassociates-ct.com/alanarticle.html
http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/DS/00183.html
just put "addiction genetics neuropathways" into google and see what you come up with.

12-31-2004, 06:50 PM	#1 (permalink)
beezylou Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Springfield,Mo Posts: 19	I think I can....or can I ?????? I am really struggling here... It has been about 24 hours since I had last handfull of percocet/soma/xanax cocktail and I am about to start tearing my house apart looking for something i may have forgot to flush.....My sponsor came over earlier and we prayed I could have prayed all night but my duty as a mother/wife called. I have done this sooo many times and the first week really sucks..... I cannot believe I am back in this situation. These drugs just make me crazy and I want to use to ignore my past but instead I ignore the present. I think my husband likes me more when I am impaired. I asked him and he said I was easier to get along with but he definitely wants me clean. I am paralyzed by this addiction crap......sucks the life out of me even when I am not using. I am gonna go bake or something...I have a visit with my in-laws..talk about timeing.....oh boy it is gonna be a long weekend for all of us here. I can do this... beezy

01-01-2005, 08:06 AM	#2 (permalink)
Dawn10 Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Venice, Florida Posts: 423	Beezylou, It is a New Year. Time for new beginnings. You CAN stop. But here is the big BUT... But, many of us tried on our own. And failed. You inferred you have tried before. Boy, does that sound familiar. Been there, done that. Please consider therapy, rehab, detox or all of the above. It is a lifesaver and life changer. Detox/rehab helps you through the withdrawal symptoms, therapy helps you discover why we used and the triggers that kept us coming back. An addicts brain is wired a little differently and that pleasure center reads those pills in a different way. That is what brings on those cravings. In the mean time, find something that can divert those feelings--take a walk, do something with the kids, listen to music. You can PM me if you want to talk more. :hello2 __________________ Dawn

01-01-2005, 08:34 AM	#3 (permalink)
51anna Forum Leader Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 11,030	Hi Beezy, It is a hard time to get through but it will be so worth it in the end. You can have your life back instead of being controlled by a substance. Stick with it and you'll make it. Love, Anna __________________ Anna "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou

01-01-2005, 09:31 AM	#4 (permalink)
clancy! Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: LONDON UK Posts: 276	Hey Dawn, What do you mean an addikts brain is wired differently??? Do you know that for a fakt, or are you just sumising? If you have any evidense of this, I'd be very interested to read it, if you point me in the right direktion? Thanks! __________________ CARPE DIEM

01-01-2005, 12:03 PM	#5 (permalink)
clancy! Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: LONDON UK Posts: 276	Hi dawn, i looked that up,interesting! seems our brains not atually wired differently from birth,but 'rewired' by our using. After five years in recovery we have the same chance as a normie of relapse according to this u.s govt web site. Which would imply that additiction is not a life long disease after all, just gotta get that 5 years under our belts.... quite encouraging, dont know if thats the last word on it tho! __________________ CARPE DIEM

01-01-2005, 01:58 PM	#6 (permalink)
namommy Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Never, Never land Posts: 2,711	Beezy, Hang in there. I need to let you know that I am going to use this post as an example to one of my sponsees who relapsed yesterday. I mean, reading your post was the same conversation I had with her 20 minutes ago. I want to let her know that she is not unique and there are others just like her out there. Clancy, I will try to find the link again, but there is a web-site on "addiction as a disease", it tells about the neuropathways in our brains, and how we are wired. __________________ I came into this program to save my a** and found out it was attached to my soul. --Anonymous

01-01-2005, 02:11 PM	#7 (permalink)
clancy! Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: LONDON UK Posts: 276	cool mommy, Im facinated by that stuff. Hmm im already supposed to have one lot of wires in the wrong place with ADHD,Ill blow my circuits if any more go. Oh well, love to read that stuff anyhow. __________________ CARPE DIEM

01-01-2005, 02:34 PM	#8 (permalink)
nodope Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Big City East Coast Posts: 122	Hey Beezy, This is a tough part. It is not easy. Like you said though you've done this before. Now this time will be your last time. It does really stink, and just your post gave me shudders. Hmmmmm. How about our rewired brains? Actually I like mine. I think it makes me funnier. You can do this, Beezy, and you can keep on. Keep on going. If I could do it anyone could. I know all too well those handful of conncoctions. Just what is it with some of our men too? I have been told by significant other I'm much nicer, sweeter, GIVING when I'm high. Alas he stuck by me though, and continues to do so. That's tre love. Stay strong, and look forward to the next day, and the next, and the next.

01-02-2005, 05:07 PM	#9 (permalink)
beezylou Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Springfield,Mo Posts: 19	Thanks for everyones input. I have survived the In-Laws (out-laws, whatever ) I also have not found anything anywhere nor have I looked. I did think about looking though. Clancy....Why did you go to a Govt. web site...I do not know about anyone else but I do not much trust thier statistics or findings. So maybe we will look into that. Ironic as it is my husband works with addicts and such..teenagers but a brain is a brain. I will have to ask him. Though i am sure he told me I was just to blasted to remember. So day 3 is here and I am doing just okay...feel like crap and had some headaches and other side effects from not taking my cocktails. I am afraid i can not do this.....I do not want to blow this again. it is so hard...this part. I wanna scream ...but I will not. Not a big screamer ....Thanks again and I will check on that brain thing... Happy Days Beezylou

01-02-2005, 05:23 PM	#10 (permalink)
Dawn10 Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Venice, Florida Posts: 423	Don't feel defeated. We have all felt that way, because the work ahead of us is big, but worth the results. Every little step seems insurmountable, so just do one thing at a time. For example, find some places to call. Then the next day or so, call one or two. Or find a meeting to go to. :nye __________________ Dawn

01-02-2005, 06:11 PM	#11 (permalink)
mizeeyore Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Denver, CO Posts: 39	http://www.emory.edu/EMORY_MAGAZINE/...addiction.html http://www.sageassociates-ct.com/alanarticle.html http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/DS/00183.html just put "addiction genetics neuropathways" into google and see what you come up with. __________________ Life's the School, Love's the Lesson Better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not

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