Reflecting on the past year of my life...

[SamanthaK]

2004 was a rough year for me. i was all strung out until Aug 31st. I had a good job and was paying my child support and then i got laid off in April. that's when my motivation for life was lost. it had been the longest i'd ever kept a job and a job that i loved. i also moved right around that time due to a junkie stalking me and breaking into my house and slashing the tires on my car and the threats she made to me. that's when all i wanted to do was stay high. my older sister, who's 23 got popped with a meth lab in a school zone and got her kids taken away, my boyfriend of 4.5 yrs beat the **** out of me and kicked me out, i was constantly making meth and putting myself in bad situations. i allowed my father back into my life for the sake of drugs...he molested me when i was younger...so because of that i don't know why i was around him other then the dope. i was living off my ex's parents and stealing money from them...i just was really digging my way to the bottom. i went through several overdoses and constant black outs due to heavy meth use, drug induced anorexia, extreme anxiety attacks, no sleep for weeks and weeks. i'd never truly sleep but maybe once or twice a month. surprisingly i still kept my job the whole time, but i never tried to contact my son or see him...i havent seen him in over 2 years and he just turned 3 yrs old...it's sad to reflect on the past and see what i've done to everyone...it's good that i can remember these things and how horrible it was and it makes me want sobriety even more. going to detox for 8 days in august was the best thing i've ever done for myself. from there i went to inpatient rehab, which was even better for me, now i'm sober 4 months and things just keep getting better. sobriety is the best gift i have given myself and i'm glad i'm getting it while i'm just 21 years old...i wouldn't have survived had i not taken action when i did. i remember the immense desperation i felt and the loss of self...i never want to feel that again. God is seeing me through life now, i live in his will and trust in him whole heartedly. even the worst times i have sober are better then the best times i have had high. life is good and i know it'll keep getting better if i live close by God's will for me and do the work in recovery. i can't describe the hope i feel in me, i can't describe the happiness i am finally obtaining, it's amazing how desperation leads to happiness anyway, just wanted to talk a little bit about my new found happiness

Never remember where you came from

[Jillc]

I hope you have a better new Year, Samantha! ((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))

[51anna]

Hi Samantha,

I think for some of us we do have to become desperate before we can find happiness. That was the case for me too.

You've been through so much and you're so young, I do hope that 2005 is a much better year for you.

Anna