Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Special-Interest Groups > Women In Recovery
Forgot Password? Join Us!
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read Chat Room [3]


Welcome to the Sober Recovery Community

Already registered? Login above ---^
OR
To take advantage of all Posting, Chatting, Gaming, and all the features available at SoberRecovery, join the over 100,000 current members, and become a member of our supportive community today! Ads will no longer appear on the forums, once you register.



Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-16-2002, 08:57 AM   #1 (permalink)
sober2ply
Guest
 

Posts: n/a
Sober Mom, scared for my children

I'm Diane, an alcoholic. I have 5 children, 3 grown adults in their early 20's and 2 under 10. I have 4 years clean, thanks to the grace of a loving God. My concern is not for my young children as they have the opportunity to be raised by me now healthy, but it is for my older children who are making bad choices.

It is what they learned, I imagine. One, chooses bad relationships, another, chooses drugs & is now pregnant, and one has two children and is 20 and stuggling through life without support as she wants it that way.

I want to know how I could undo the damage, I spent 16 years trying to get out of my head, and I don't want to pass that on to my children. Is it too late, I have already made amends to them and they love the new me, what can I do?
 
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 07-16-2002, 10:46 AM   #2 (permalink)
Morning Glory
Guest
 

Posts: n/a
Diane,

Welcome to the forums.

I think you are doing what you can do. You love your children and they know you love them. You are supportive and they know you're there.

It won't help them if you feel responsible and guilty about their choices. You did the best you could raising them and now they have to make their own choices and suffer their own consequences.

I am the mother of an addict/alcoholic. The one thing that has helped him the most is when I stopped taking responsibility for his problems. I put it all back on him and he had to take responsibility for his own choices.

We have alanon and naranon boards with a lot of good reading material that helps us learn to establish boundaries.

It is not your job to fix their lives. We've all tried it and it just doesn't work.

Take it a day at a time and be supportive and continue to love them. Set your boundaries and take care of yourself. You deserve the good stuff. You've raised 5 children. Stop and give yourself credit for the good things you did for your children.

Keep posting,

Hugs,

MG
 
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 07-16-2002, 05:39 PM   #3 (permalink)
Ann
Grateful Member
 
Ann's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 38,316
You are already doing the best thing you could possibly do - you are setting an example. You do not have to do any more than that for your adult children - if they blame the past for their mistakes, then they are in denial and we know all about that one.
But you say you have made amends and they love the new you, so be proud of that and remain the living proof that there is help and a place of hope called recovery.

My son is an addict, and my good intentions enabled him for years. His serious attempts at recovery came after I let go and found my own program for codependency. He has been in and out of the "revolving door" and is out there right now, and all I can do is pray and encourage him if he calls me. He know where help is and he knows all the phone numbers...so it is now between him and God and totally out of my hands.

Good Luck and God Bless
__________________
Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark...Rabindranath Tagore
Ann is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2002, 05:56 AM   #4 (permalink)
Paused
 

Join Date: May 2002
Location: Dayton, OH,USA
Posts: 40
Diane,
Ultimely we are all responsible for our own life. I don't blame my parents for all my screw-ups. In fact I sat back when I was a kid and watched my drunk father and I remember saying to my brother, I am never going to be like him, and my brother replied, me neither, and guess what! We both turned out to be alcoholics. And that was our choice to pick up and drink and smoke dope. I have grown children in their late teens, early 20's, and life is one big party. I know anything I say will go in one ear and out the other, I can bitch till I'm blue, and they'll still do what they want. All I can do now is never let them see me use, but I still slip up from time to time. Adult children have to make their own choices and learn from their mistakes in their own way, not your way. Just be there for them, and that's about all you can do. What kills me is once you turn 18, the world considers you an adult, but you're not, you're still a kid.
Terryb39 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:16 PM.


 
National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Centers
 
Drug Rehab | Best Treatment Center | Detox Center | Residential Treatment Center
Cocaine/Crack Treatment | Alcohol Rehab | Heroin/Oxycontin Treatment Center | Crystal Meth Treatment | Marijuana Treatment | Methadone Treatment | Suboxone Treatment
 
Local Treatment Resources and Events
 
Alabama | Alaska | Arizona | Arkansas | California | Colorado | Connecticut | DC | Delaware
Florida | Georgia | Hawaii | Idaho | Illinois | Indiana | Iowa | Kansas | Kentucky | Louisiana | Maine
Maryland | Massachusetts | Michigan | Minnesota | Mississippi | Missouri | Montana | Nebraska | Nevada | New Hampshire
New Jersey | New Mexico | New York | North Carolina | North Dakota | Ohio | Oklahoma | Oregon | Pennsylvania | Rhode Island
South Carolina | South Dakota | Tennesee | Texas | Utah | Vermont | Virginia | Washington | West Virginia | Wisconsin | Wyoming

© 2013 Internet Brands. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Health Disclaimer
A proud member of the SoberRecovery® Network of Addiction and Recovery Websites