trying to reach out

[chillybilly]

Hi-
I'm new here... I wanted to introduce myself. I'm an alcoholic and today is day 20 since my last drink. kinda shy about it
I am an almost 30yr old woman who works with kids, but lately I feel like I'm a third grader w/ a funny haircut at a new school again!

But I "came out" tonight and told my sister that I've been going to meetings- I've been on the down low, thinking no one would believe I could keep it up, or not think much of the time I had.
However, her and my brother's response was so positive and sincere!

This sober experience is making me realise I am very uncomfortable accepting support and being vunerable, especially w/ women. I haven't called anyone from meetings, but want a sponsor very much Scared of what I might need the most.

Does anyone else freeze when women reach out to them?
How to deal?
This board is so amazing and brave
Thanks for letting me share...

[eddie z.]

Welcome to SR, chillybilly!
And congratulations on 20 days!!

You'll thaw out. Just have patience. And practice.
Peace, love, and hugs,
Eddie

[51anna]

Hi Chill,

I am exactly the same as you in regard to being vulnerable. As a child my mother would give me something and then take it away from me and I learned to rely only on myself. At 23 I became a military wife for the next twenty years and again, continuous moves and never living near family, made me rely only on myself.

Four years ago I became sober and became aware of how isolated I had become. I knew I couldn't have a satisfying life if I continued as I had been living. I began reaching out to a few people. To my great surprise and confusion two of the people opened their hearts to me. One person turned out to be full of negativity but I learned a great lesson there. She was typical of women in my life before I was sober. I made a decision to remove myself from that situation and felt very good about that. There was no drama or chaos, just simply moving away from the situation.

So, I would say, definitely reach out to people you think you can trust - use your intuition and allow yourself to open up. I think you'll find women who will support and love you. Also, I have found the women at SR to be most supportive and caring.

Congratulations on your 20 days!

Love, Anna

[chillybilly]

Thanks so much for your replies! and encouraging my babysteps.

Tonight I will count my blessings- first being, that waking up in the a.m. I'll have the chance to try again.

btw, My mom worked in pediatric oncology when I was growing up; it was my perception that I had no right to be a squeaky wheel.

I hope I have the opportunity to be a good friend to someone here.

thanks again

and, what the hay

squeek.

[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by chillybilly

This board is so amazing and brave

It is Chillbilly. It is amazing and brave.

I have a hard time reaching out, too. But in the last 6 months or so, the universe put me in a life situation where I HAD to ask for help. My life and my basic needs depended on it. And you know what? Everyone, without exception was overwhelmingly helpful, supportive and kind. Wow. Not once was I rejected, put down or even looked down upon. It was a wonderful learning experience for me. Now I feel safe in my woman's meetings and with people here on SR and with people in recovery in general.

Now I am grateful to be in a position to help others and I think I finally get it. It helps me to help others. I want to help. That is so awesome.

I have never experienced a group of people who are more generous, giving and supportive than those in recovery. What an amazing, amazing gift.

Welcome, Chillbilly. From my heart to yours, welcome.

jojo

[indigo]

Welcome Chill,
I'm glad that you found us, stick around and pull up a chair there's lots of good esh on this board and plenty of good advice keep posting lets celebrate together on all our sober time
indigo

[eddie z.]

Originally Posted by chillybilly

what the hay

squeek.

It's OIL. To soothe your squeak!
Love and hugs,
Eddie

[boop64132]

Welcome aboard SR!

Congrats on your sober time,and sharing.

[calliejo]

Welcome ChillyBilly! I too was very cold to anyone in the program when I first got here, not just women. That does get better. I finally realized that those women did not want anything from me they just wanted to help me stay sober, love me and be there for me if I wanted it. Hang in there. Keep coming back and I am glad you are here.
Callie

[Paulie]

I cannot add anything that has not already been said, except welcome from me to. You will find a great deal of friendship and support here.

[namommy]

Chilly,

Again, welcome to SR. I already posted a reply in another thread about your sponsorship questions. I hadn't been in this one yet.

[rogersgirl6937]

chilly,

welcome to SR and congrats on your clean time! You are a miracle. WIR has been such a blessing to me since i joined a few weeks ago and has really added to my recovery safety net base. The ladies who open up and share here are wonderful. I know a lot of women who are mistrustful of other women when they first get into recovery. That's something i've really been working on myself lately. My "girl" time has been like a breath of fresh air. My ESH where finding a sponsor goes is this: first, pray and ask your HP to direct you to the right woman; second, listen to the women in meetings and find someone who offers something you want for yourself. That's what i did and i love my sponsor! She is a great source of strength, wisdom and encouragement to me. Good luck and keep us posted.

love and fellowship,
renee