should I ignore her?

[clancy!]

My old friend katy turned up at my house today, wanting somewhere to stay over christmas.I like katy very much, but she is in a bad state, in active crack addiction, with sores on her face and body. I know that there is a school of thought that says I should not have anything to do with her as she is using (and using bad) but she is weak and in need and it would be very cruel of me to turn her away into the cold at christmas time wouldnt it? She is living rough. What a dilemma. I dont think it will affect me in that It will upset my progress,her DOC is different to miine,but I just dont want her doing crack in my house,i dont want dealers around here. We got my partners kids around too, they are at a vulnerable age. I know if I have her at my house she is gonna use here. I just dont want to be around that. But I dont want to be all holier than thou about it either. Theres no room at the shelters apparently, and they are really pants anyhow. what would you guys advise?

hugs xx

[Paulie]

You and others might not like my answer but, I would take her to a shelter, or explain to her exactly what you just posted. Especially about the kids around and ask her to respect your feelings and stay somewhere else.

Clancy, for me I would bend over backwards to help an addict that wants recovery, but they have to want it. I don't chase them down and I (this is me) do not allow using addicts in my home, I don't care what their drug of choice is. My safety, which includes my sanity and peace which would be all upside down around someone that is high is the most important thing to me.

Take care of yoursel first Clancy, and your family, those kids don't need to be around dealers and a using addict.

You may think this is cold...this is where the 'selfish' part of my program comes into play.

I would give her warm clothes, a warm meal if she wants it and explain that you are living a different life right now and you wish her the best.

(okay ladies, remember we are all allowed or own opinon )

[clancy!]

Um, well its good to hear it from you paulie,because that is what Ive decided to do.As fond as I am of her, it will make christmas stressful and bring up so many different problems. I have given her a warm sleeping bag...ugh that sounds awful I know,but I need to think of the kids who will be here, I dont want them to see anything ugly at chritmas time,that sounds awful too....really superficial, I do feel selfish and I feel that my reasons for turning her away arent enough (mostly I just want to relax).Its a rotten thing to have(?) to do.

clancy,feeling a bit disturbed

[Paulie]

Sometimes feeling 'disturbed' isn't a bad thing. I assume you are doing today something that you would not do if you were high, maybe that is why it feels uncomfortable.

I will say a prayer for her Clancy..just in case you aren't ready for that .

[Bonni]

(((Clancy)))
I have to agree with Paulie; the best thing you can do for her and yourself is to take her to a womens shelter where she can receive help. And its like you say, you not only have to think of your well being, but that of your family too. Try to not feel to bad about doing that. It is really the best thing for her, and for you. I hope everything works out for you. Love and prayers, Bonni ((Big sisterly Hugs)))

[A Screw Loose]

(((Clancy)))

I'd have to agree with Paulie. I live in a clean and sober home and one of my room-mates has a sister that is still in her active addiction. Now her drug of choice is also different. Her sister was given the chance to start anew and she said that this is what she wanted. She ended up not staying no more then two weeks and was right back out. Now the sad thing about this is that my room-mate has recently relapsed and happened to be visiting her sister because she was concerned about her well-being.

You need to think of you and your children's well-being. I know it's cold and all, and this will even sound cruel. But if this person is able to come up with the means of supporting her habit then what's wrong with coming up with the means of a place to stay for a bit.

Again this is just my personal oppinion. Think of all that you have accomplished before making quick decissions. Think of the possibilities that could happen, one for example, what if one of your children happen to come across paraphinellia. How would you explain that if it doesn't belong to no one?

A Screw Loose.

[clancy!]

Yup, if I was high, I would be full of the milk of human kindness.But im never high any more my meds just keep me from being sick. Im still cutting down,on a proper taper plan that I got from release in London (an advice agency).Im doing well, i havent blooped in 10 days, and ive cut down from 15 pills to six. I feel tolerable too at present ,just dont get much sleep. I do pray Paulie, its just I dont know if anyone hears me or not.
hugs,

Clancy xx

[Paulie]

Originally Posted by clancy!

I do pray Paulie, its just I dont know if anyone hears me or not.
hugs,

Clancy xx

I wasn't sure clancy...I know we have had the conversation a few times over the time we have known each other.

you are heard cause I know I am heard...and He don't play favorites.

[clancy!]

Just now Katy's BF rang and was really awful to me saying im a real cow not to put her up (why dosent HE put her up!!) and a fair weather friend.I feel really stung, I pride myself on being a good mate and a compassionate human being. He is a figure who I dont know hardly at all,but he looks really dodgy(i know thats unfair,but I ant help but think that) and I know he is also using,he got Katy in to it. I feel a bit suspicicous now,wondering if she was planning to burn me. I get really paranoid about the crime around here and much of it is crack fuelled. I feel really disturbed now.

[calliejo]

Clancy,
I would have to agree with everyone else and am glad that you decided to do that exact thing. I know for me I have worked too hard for my recovery to put it in that much danger. That would put me in danger for multiple reasons 1) being around it puts my sobriety in danger 2)it puts my SANITY in danger 3)It would make me uncomfortable in my own skin and home which I refuse to be! Stick to how your heart feels sometimes you have to to be selfish and watch out for you and your family above everything else. I have had to call Family Services on one of my best friends in the middle of her addiction. It is hard but sometimes necessary. Good luck.
Love Callie

[Paulie]

Originally Posted by clancy!

(why dosent HE put her up!!)(

Good question, you did the right thing.

[jazpoppy]

I had to reply to this. I am one of those type of people that would put myself out for someone else's needs. Its hard to say no, but we have to. I just could not have someone in my home that does things that make me uncomfortable. So you did the right thing. Katy's boyfriend doesn't sound like he's much of a boyfriend if he can't help her out himself! Does he not have room in his place for her, it just doesn't make sense. You do have a point with wondering if it was a setup for her to sting you (maybe steal money or items that she could sell), but not worth dwelling on because it didn't and isn't going to happen. Good for you Clanc, for sticking up for yourself and putting sobriety and sanity first!

Happy Holidays;

Luv;

Jaz :xmasx "sheep. tee hee!"

[liveweyerd]

Furthermore, with drugs in the house you expose yourself to arrest. Want the police and child services over for Christmas???

Don't own this problem, it isn't yours.

[Evanna]

It really is okay to put yourself and the children in your family first. Actually it is more than okay. It is without doubt the right thing.

[clancy!]

Thank you all for your support over this issue, Im so grateful to have this incredible supportive network of wonderful women to call on when I have a problem,you are all beyond compare.Thank you for being there for me guys,huge grateful hugsxx