HELP!! No Sex Drive...!?!

[thanx2methodone]

Okay girls, I have a question...

Is it just me, or is it when you are in recovery you have lost almost all interest in sex? maybe because i was usually high all the time when i had it..?

Now, being sober, I can just never seem to get in the mood...
It's not that i don't want to, I just have seem to have lost all desire..(and my BF of 3 years is NOT happy about it!!)
Is it just me? Has anyone else noticed this? does it go away?!
HELP!!

[eddie z.]

T2M,
Did you have a sex drive when you were using opiates? 'Cause I didn't. And methadone is another opiate, so that may have something to do with it. Also, are you on antidepressants? Some of them can kill it, too. I found gingko really helpful in this department, but my doctor recommended it. I don't suggest you take anything, even herbals or over-the-counters, without talking to a doctor or pharmacist first. Feel free to PM me, OK?

Love and hugs,
Eddie

[cj.]

Hey Thanx:

I think (and this is just my own opinion) that when we are new to recovery and not tearing our bodies apart with the drugs, there has to be a time for healing. So, something has to shut down!!

I found that the last thing I wanted when I first got clean, was sex. I wasn't in a relationship at the time so I really didn't have to think about it all that much. In time, though, normal thoughts and desires did return. So, don't despair!! Yours will return,too.

cj

[nodope]

This is a great question. I thought I was the only one this happened to. You always hear people saying that's all you want to do when you get clean.

I have absolutely NO desire to do anything sexually. I considered myself the epitome of a sex loving chick when I was high. Now I'm kind of recoiling at the thought of some of the stuff I did.

You're not alone. My boyfriend isn't happy either, but I refuse to do anything I don't want to right now. I'm sure we'll get past this.

[Paulie]

Give yourself some time. Not only are you mentally and emotionally going through changes, but physically your body is wondering 'what the heck' right now to. The for me at first I had all those emotions about things I did when I was using, I had to work through all those things too.

Just give yourself some time.

[cady2004]

It is nice to hear you all talk about this because i have been here for quite sometime now not wanting sex......and i really was beginnning to feel i was the only one feeling this way. I thought it was due to me starting to deal with being raped and molested as a child and young adult. see i have 14 months clean and just over a year ago i was date raped, i had at that time 90 days and when it happened i went out thank God i didnt let it keep me out there and i came back and started to work on my issues. I am newly married and open and honest with ;him about what i can and cant do when i want and dont want to. but i also consider his feelings because for Him it is not about satisfiying himself but to also let me know he loves me and finds me attractive.... but it is a fine line and he respects my needs are more important at this time. so it is awesome to hear i am not alone..

[eddie z.]

cady,
What is awesome is that you have an understanding husband! Some men take it too personally if you're not interested in sex, you know? It's great that yours is secure enough to trust that it's not necessarily about him, but about us sometimes. Ask your doctor about the gingko if it bothers you. I think it has helped me alot. That and getting off Zoloft! LOL.
Love and hugs,
Eddie

[clancy!]

Hmm, now I have the oposite problem!!

When im high, im not really interested..I mean im quite happy to go along with it but it dosent usually occur to me,im too busy being contented and relaxed...However in withdrawal and when newly clean, I cant think of much else but food and sex, as I find these are the only two things that abate the miisery of withdrawal!! Im like a meatgrinder with food right now, but be throwing 3000 calories down my neck aday, and its like throwing it into a furnace....I look like a heap of matchsticks at the moment,an absolute runt. I guess its cos Ive not been nourishing myself properly when im using that the minute i start to get clean,my body thinks quick, eat! Have sex! dear me I reckon that its just imbalances caused by the unatural state of using, and your body just does what it needs to to get back to normal, and were all different in our metabolisms and stuff..I bet it all shakes down soon enough and your appetites will return to normal....
hugs

[eddie z.]

clancy!,
I don't know what your drug of choice was, but I know that with opiates & opiate withdrawal, my experiences were similar to yours. And there's a very good biochemical explanation for this. Did you ever see Liquid Sky? Opiates activate the same receptors as endorphins, our internal painkillers. I think endorphins are also released at orgasm, leading to sensations of intense pleasure (duh!).

When the receptors are occupied by opiates, and we experience that pleasure, we have no "need" for sex. Does that make sense? When the opiates are removed, often the body has ceased to make endorphins, and there is a deficit, so the body cries out for sex. I've read that some in withdrawal even experience spontaneous orgasms, although I was never that "lucky." LOL.

Peace, love, and hugs,
Eddie

[clancy!]

Yeah, it was opiates. bring on the spontaneous orgasms, i want a bit of that, ive had it with the shivers, the poohing,the sweats,.....gimme the good stuff!! honestly where did you get that smiley?? its hilarious!

[myah]

I myself have been sex free for 14 months...and you know what? I don't feel the "need" at all. Well.. sometimes during ovulation it's like eerrrr....c'mon!!
but most of the time I just don't consider it. Now...I don't have a boyfriend..so noones complaining..but...I always thought that we hit our peak later. I'm heading towards 31
{next month} maybe it's an age thing...I'm not old enough to care...??
I dunno.

[eddie z.]

clancy,
It's "colon naughty colon" to get that smiley. It's one of the ones on this site.

myah,
I thought we peaked in our twenties myself. I worry about being over the hill; I'm almost 38, and have no children yet...except the four-legged kind. Plenty of those. Is that Angelina Jolie in your avatar?

Love and hugs,
Eddie

[namommy]

I've been avoiding this thread, most of you probably already know why.

I am the total opposite. I have always loved and wanted sex, using or not. But, early recovery was ridiculous. I didn't care who you were, or what equipment you had. Just as long as you didn't feel the need to call me the next day, (or any day) for that matter.

Just felt the need to put my 2 cents in.

[eddie z.]

Laurie,
You naughty :devil2: !
Now where did our thread starter get to?
Love and hugs,
Eddie

[thanx2methodone]

Hey EDDIE Z:
A little bird told me that today is your 2 YEARS!! CONGRATS!!
That's awesome!! You are an inspiration to us all!!

[eddie z.]

Thanks, T2M!! You're a few hours early, though. It's actually tomorrow. But thanks for the compliment, too.
Love and hugs,
Eddie

[bubblze30]

I just read this thread and feel the same way. I haven't had an urge(not that I have any one to have fun wioth anyway)in well over three years. No desire no thought nothing it's like I am dead in the department. Now I know I worked the streets and I associated sex as work to get my drugs but I am only thirty one I should have some kind of sex urge or feeling shouldn't I. I am on antidepressants but these ones do not cause that problem I was told.

[eddie z.]

I am on antidepressants but these ones do not cause that problem I was told.

Who told you that? I wouldn't believe them! You may not know this, but I am a pharmacist AND I've also taken every antidepressant on the market except one or two...really. ANY antidepressant can cause loss of libido. It's just that some are less likely than others. If it bothers you, discuss it with the prescribing physician, OK?

Peace, love, and hugs,
Eddie

[namommy]

I have taken anti-depressants in the past that slowed things down a little, but I wasn't having that. I tried several, and now I have found one that I have NO problem with.

I feel a little out of place in this thread, I am always...

[eddie z.]

Aww, don't go, Laurie! From what you just said about antidepressants, you have some valuable experience with this. I've taken a number of antidepressants that I couldn't tolerate because of sexual side effects, too. Plus maybe your libido will rub off on some of us!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

[delaney26]

Intersting topic here. I just wanted to point out that in a sense, I feel alcohol has ruined my sex life... I started out associated alcohol with sexual relations, and I am at a point where I dont know how to have a healthy sex life without alcohol, because I count on the alcohol to get me in the mood.

[eddie z.]

((((delaney)))),
I used to use alcohol to relax before sex, too, but just "casual" sex. Once I got into a "serious" relationship and developed some level of emotional intimacy, I no longer needed it all the time, although for years afterward, I still used it to get "loose" with guys I didn't know well. Does this make sense?
—EZ (don't laugh)

[catnap]

I am so happy I found this place! My experience was and is after many years of sobriety and many years of anti-depressants, if my relationship is not right my sex drive takes a hike. When things are right nothing can keep me from an orgasm. Things have been righter one day at a time for many years. Give yourself time!

[namommy]

Well, the holidays are over, but the kids are off from school this week. My older kids are at their dads, and my little guy is afraid to sleep upstairs alone. He has been in bed with us the past few days.

No nookie happening here anytime soon.

[eddie z.]

Welcome to SoberRecovery, catnap!
And thanks for sharing, too.
Peace, love, and s,
Eddie

P.S. Sorry, Laurie!