Grrrr, im so mad!

[clancy!]

Honestly guys,

you know what I was saying about not being able to tell your dr anything here for fear of the konsequenses? (sorry about rotten keyboard) well today I got a letter from the bank to say my loan applikation has been held up, bekause i one time told my told my dr i felt 'a bit down' and he immeadiatly wrote down 'endoginous depression' and tried to give an SSRI. Thats totally eroneous, ive never been depressed! not medikally anyhow...!! now the bank what to komb thru my medikal rekords for any sign that i may drop off my twig early, and not be able to pay the repayments. Honestly you dont have one SHRED of privasy in this wrethed nanny state!!GRRRRRRRR!! im furiuous. And I need that money so bad, im living on bugger all at present. :AR15firin = my bank manager.

I just HATE the thought of my notes being gone thru, jesus! thats all so personal. im hopping mad. (if you hadnt notised!!)

[GettingFree]

Yuck Clancy. What a feeling of violation. The situation is such a lousy set-up for lots of emotions to come up. At least I know it would be for me. Feeling helpless against authority. Feeling betrayed. Feeling trapped. Feeling no matter how hard I try in the present, my past will haunt me, ie. feeling I'll never be good enough.

What I've been trying to do (baby step by baby step) is recognize the feelings that come up in situations beyond my control, draw a thread back to when those feelings first started and were their strongest and first began the pattern, honour them, love myself through them (seeing the sense in them being there given my life experiences) and then try and release to a sense of defenselessness. (Every so often I refer back to Deepak Chopra's 'Law of Least Effort...you can read it at http://www.innerself.com/Behavior_Mo...ion/effort.htm).

I hope it all works out on the money front.

best,
GF

[clancy!]

Thanks for your reply GF,

I really apresiated what you said, and your empathy was really balm for my wounded, violated feelings. I like the idea you put over, and im going to try the same thing. Im going to have alook at that link too in a minute.

Thanks. You seem to have a lot of wisdom. Have you been klean for a long time?

huge hugs of gratitude!!

[clancy!]

Also, it really helped that you were able to identify and understand the feelings that this situation is giving me, It was like wow, someone really knows how I feel. Im really grateful for that, just for someone to understand and empathise really helps.

[namommy]

I am really sorry this is happening to you. I can't relate, but I wanted you to know that I am here for you.

That is why I am so glad the US implimented the HIPAA laws (medical privacy act). We can't even fax a prescription to your pharmacy for you, and you need the patients signature for EVERYTHING.

[clancy!]

Thanks, namommy

Wow i wish we had a law like that. I ve been going on about this for days I know, but its just so horrible, as gf said you begin to feel so paranoid about authority,so trapped.I really darent get the treatment I need to help me stop using. If you do they register you as an addikt, you get a number and really, you just darent raise your head in polite sosiety again. Ive a mate in NA who has got 12 years and is still unemployed, and unable to buy a house.

Im thinking of going down the alternative route though....I was browsing in a oriental medisine shop yesterday, and got talking to the dr in there, he was saying that akkupunkture and pressure is very good for the symptoms I deskribed, I dont know whether he knew I was deskribing withdrawal,but ive a feeling he did. the treatment is quite a lot of money, £37 a session.(another thing that drives me mad about the UK, the prise of everything)but he said that I kould try one for free, to see if it helped. Im a big baby about withdrawal, i just kannot handle it alone, i wonder if this would help. Anyone else try this??

[wastedtime4me]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{clancy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I wish you luck in finding what you need to be well again~
Im so sorry you are going through all this ~

[GettingFree]

Originally Posted by clancy!

Have you been klean for a long time?

Hi Clancy
My cocaine use ended a year and a half ago. But as I wrote on Ink's thread on Healthy Relationships, it's my recovery from love addiction and co-dependence which I see as my true recovery. That recovery process began just over a year ago.

Glad my comments helped. That's what the forum's here for.

best,
gf

[bubblze30]

sometimes our past comes up and bites us in the arse. I strongly believe if you really need this money it will come to you in gods time not yours. Sorry your higher powers time. God is mine you may have a different one.


A short story:
I went to my recovery skills group with my last fifteen dollars and two weeks to buy food smokes and what not yup fifteen. I left my jacket in the ladies room only to retrieve it later with the money gone. Luckily my id was there and the last of my smokes three. I was devistated not knowing what to do for food or smokes(food more so) I cried and cried wondering why asking God for help. I went home to find a fourteen hundred dollar bill getting paid to my layer for social sercurity. When I called about it he told me I was getting a check as well. Thinking thank god a couple hundred just what I need. It turned out to be four grand and christmas is here just in time. I paid all my depts and still had a grand to spare. It was gods will not mine. He knew I was down and there was no other way. Hang in there your higher power won't let you go without.Mine never does.

I have many of these stories over the past three and a half years more actually but I see them happen today. Your prayers will be answered when they need answering hang in there .

[spirit]

clancy i would have thought that was a breach of your privacy and that you should be able to demand an updated report from your dr, and explain to him that if you dont et the loan etc, then you probably will be depressed!! actually better not tell him that bit, but certainly ask for an updated report and/or second opinion

cheers
kath

[indigo]

Hey Clancy I'm sorry that you are having such a bad time.....that everyone passes about your medical records is shocking and as for charging all that money for help...how are you supposed to manage...looks like they don't give a damn. I have heard good reports about accupuncture also rieki (sp) so I guess I would try the free session if I thought it could help. I'm sorry I have no real advice for you sis. You are in my 'positive thoughts' list. Be gentle on yourself.
Love indie x

[ButterflyChaser]

((((((((((((((((((clancy)))))))))))))))))))) I wish u luck in finding whatcha need! I'm sure u will, until then I hope this helps.... <---from me 2 u!