Nothings wrong but nothings right

[luckyfosho]

I am having the worse week.. Nothing is wrong but nothing feels right. I feel so heavy with worry and theres nothing to really worry about. I'm not sad but I'm not happy either. I try to fake it. I am that all in all happy person to everyone. I have a great sense of humor. People love to see me coming they know I'm going to make them laugh. they know at work I'm going to make it happen. Everyone can count on me. When they are stressing they want to talk to me. I am always giving out hugs but what i realized is that the hugs also help me. I'm not the type of person to just say hey i need a hug. In the mist of it all I WANT TO SCREAM!!!!! Do you really think that everyone can be happy? how is that, how can everyone be happy? Dont get me wrong I am grateful to be sober. being sober is a blessing. I just wonder what is wrong with me why am I not as happy as i should be, what will it take for me to be happy. what the h*&*ll is happy. maybe I need to figure that out first.
Thanks for listening I cant make any sense of what i just wrote it just came out.

[tobstah]

hi lucky

yknow what i think... i think youre too busy trying to make evryone else happy... I know what thats like. I was a PRO at it when i was using... and it the midst of it all i lost my self. and i was expecting someone to make me happy, i didnt understand why no one was giving back to me what i was giving to them.

just for today, try to focus on yourself and not using up all your energy on others. give to yourself what you feel you need instead of giving it away. and if u need a hug, ask for one! maybe being the type of person who doesnt say when they need something is whatsmaking u unhappy.

hang in there

[2stop]

((((((((((Lucky)))))))))) I can sooo relate to what you wrote. Always happy to give love and encouragement.but I resist letting anyone get through my walls...my self imposed boundaries that I thought kept me 'safe' for so long. We get burnout..and we get so exhausted we kinda just shut everything out, we shut down. I would say what works for me, and I get the days you describe is to consciously allow another to comfort YOU. Small at first, don't overwhelm yourself with it. But start to think about how YOu need nurturing and comfort and encouragement also...and then begin letting it in. This has always been tough for me. I try and keep a safety zone around me.....I feel many times I cannot stand one more emotion..they have always been so strong, either from PTSD or abuse, or the addiction...I just didn't want to feel anything anymore..and our brains are very clever..they will do exactly as we want..except deep down in...we WANt to let others love us..but we are afraid..afraid to trust, afraid to get burnt. We have to start trusting again..I found this site a great place to start trusting again..Some awesome people here....keep asking for comfort and encouragement here and work your way towards asking for it in person, with those around you. I am saying a prayer for you my friend....hang in there. This CAN get better. Time and steady tiny steps...it gets better. keep posting, we all care here and know how tough it is. (((Huge Comforting Hugs)))