Feeling Empty

[ButterflyChaser]

I hope what I'm about to type, makes some sense, I feel scared, confused & EMPTY!! I opened up my heart again, (wide open) telling all my insecuritys, and things that bothers me....I've said way too much about my FEELINGS. Isn't it true that you should NEVER tell ALL your insecurities? Cause it would make a person looses intrest in you? Or if that person REALLY LOVED & cared about you then isn't it true that they would be there for you & look at you in the eyes giving you reasurrance that says...."I'M HERE FOR YOU!
yA'LL, i FEEL SOOOOO empty! It's hard to talk to someone about your feelings & all they do is say negative stuff. or make excuses!!! Yes, they say "I love you" but sometimes JUST saying those 3 little words isn't enough? It's easy to say it, you can say anything & not really mean it, right? or am I wrong? It's showing the person you love em', and that comes easy when you really LOVE that person, cuz you want nothing in the world than to make them happy...u just do things cuz, well....U Love them!
If 2 people LOVE eachother, don't they want to know how you feel about something, especially when it's "hurt" a feeling with alot of pain. Shouldn't u be able to talk to one another & let eachother know what's bothering you ESPECAILLY when that person was the one to hurt you....shouldn't you u communicate so you know NEVER to make the smae mustakes that cause hurt feelings in the begging??

I wish I didn't keep repeating myself, I look like a complete insecure baby!! I don't know , I don't know what I am saying.....I just feel like I've said way too much.....& now I wish i hadn't!!! I've opened myself up again, & feel like $hit about it now, when that wasn't suppose to happen!

I dunno, I feel alone again, & I HATE it!!

[51anna]

Hi Butterfly,

Hugs for you today!

It sounds like you're talking about communicating with a man and even though it's stereotypical, I think women do like to talk about their feelings and it makes men nervous!

However, we all want to have our feelings validated. You want the person you love to understand that you are worried about something or scared about something. The last thing you want to hear is 'Oh, that's no big deal'. Because it is or you wouldn't be talking about it. One of the most frustrating things I went through was trying to keep up with everyday housework chores with my husband and two teenagers. I was working full time and he travelled a lot. I would express my feelings and no one paid any attention. No one cared if you tripped over hockey equipment getting in the front door or there were eight half-empty juice glasses in my daughter's room. It was a really difficult time.

It helps so much to have someone who is always there for us and who lets us know that our feelings matter. And communication is so important, really the key to a good relationship. Should you work on it more or should you quit trying? I think you need to make sure that you're getting from the relationship what you're putting into it.

Hugs again Butterfly!

Love, Anna

[namommy]

Hey BF,

It can be difficult at first, but it can get better. My husband and I talk about everything, but it wasn't always that way. We had to BOTH work really hard on our relationship to get it where it is today. I am assuming you are talking about your boyfriend here, right? Is he in recovery? Is he willing to work on the relationship as hard as you are? Ask him, in a nice way, so you don't put him on the defensive. If he is, and if you are interested, I can tell you what we did to get where we are. Yes, we still have our moments, but we are human, not perfect. For the most part I have a wonderfully loving and honest relationship with my husband.

Don't give up.

[ButterflyChaser]

After that "deal" between us, he admitted to drinking. After work, him & his bud's drank a few. Well, now it makes sense why he was acting the way he was!!!! The weird thing is...I can't beleive I didn't notice!!! I mean, the thought crossed my mind, but he didn't look drunk or act drunk, & then again, he wouldn't look at me....hahaha!
I won't give up, we've come a long way to just thro this away. I love him & I know he loves me, thanks u 2 for your comments

[jenniferaz1980]

((((((Butterfly)))))))

You know a relationship is alot of hard work. Just rember that it is somthing you have worked hard at. You know in your heart what to do!

[ARIES]

Hey ..I wish u a lot of sthrengt and good luck love from Stefanie

[2stop]

(((((((((((((Butterfly)))))))))))))))))

Huge hugs and thoughts and prayers coming your way....stay in the moment........and expect NOTHING from anybody is what I have discovered works for me......don't be walked on and abused.....but never hinge your happiness on opening your heart. YOU can be happy no matter what. Love ya girl.........hang in there.

[ButterflyChaser]

awwww...thanks ya'll!! and what asurprise to hear from you 2stop!~

[Paulie]

BC, how are you doing?

[liveweyerd]

BC

I remember your last post about this.
I think it is important that you feel safe in a relationship and that includes feeling safe with your feelings.
TRUST, trust that the other does care about your welfare and how you feel. And what you need.
Hugs, you are not alone.
We are always here and we care.

[liveweyerd]

PS

There is a sticky at the top of the forum Relationships that tells what love is.

[GettingFree]

Originally Posted by 2stop

expect NOTHING from anybody is what I have discovered works for me......

Ouch. Gosh 2stop, your strategy may work as a defense at not getting re-injured, but it sure can't work for learning to live a life in which we come to believe that we actually do deserve to be happy, we do deserve to be loved, we do deserve to be supported and accepted and cherished. To me this is the at the crux of recovery from our early wounding that taught us we didn't deserve any of this. How do we come to love ourselves enough to believe we are worthy of being loved. And then make decisions based on this belief.

Buttefly: to me coming to this belief about myself has meant ultimately deciding what I would and wouldn't accept. What I would and wouldn't settle for in a relationship. Yes, relationships take work, no question. But your posts on this leave me with such sadness.

I hear an aching for something that you're not getting. I hear repeated cries of 'love me', 'don't let me down', 'don't dismiss me', 'acknowledge my pain and make me feel soothed'. And then in subsequent posts, I hear steps to make the cries disappear -- some explanation to make it alright that you're not getting what you need and want. And then loud affirmations that you and your boyfriend do love each other very much. I eventually found that my need to not be alone was far greater than what I called love.

We all want to support one another here. We all want to give one another hope. But what I hear in your posts is a cry for love. I'm not sure any 'I love you' makes that less real.

gf

[ButterflyChaser]

I'm doing better today. ( thanks for asking Paulie )I am a co-de... more so than I want to allow myself to believe!! I'm going to find some counseling for myself, it's what i need! It's what i have to do! I get pretty insecure w/myself at times... and I don't know why! and I absolutley hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I appreciate ya'll's "feedback" ! :shysmile:
I re-read what I had typed here, & I need to know....WHY do I feel emabarresed towards ya'll?? I was wishing I could have "edited/deleted" it! If I could have, I would have!! Kinda like erasing it, like I never opened up like that! I have always hated "revieling" myself when I am down! Feel like a whiny baby! crazy huh?

Live~~~~~ I didn't see that sticky on relationships, maybe I over-looked it, I dunno, but I would really like to read it!!! Can ya help me find it??? Ü

[GettingFree]

Hey BF,
Go ahead an whine. This is the place to do it. Whine, vent, feel vulnerable. No one's judging here. Finding some support through counselling is a great idea.

The sticky Live referred to is in the Relationships and Parenting in Sobriety forum, under a sticky thread called Healthy Relationships. Or at least I think that was it. I loved it!

[liveweyerd]

Getting free,

I have to tell you , wow, I admire your gift.
I saw exactly the same things that you talked about but did not take the time or know how to say it.

But it really really needed to be said.

Thank you.

[wastedtime4me]

MORNING {{{{{{{{{{butterfly}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am sorry that i am just now getting to this post~~

I hope you find a counselor that you connect with!!
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[{bighugs}}}}}}}}}}

[DDINK]

This will be the second time today that I replied to one of your posts. I am new here but an old friend to what brought me hear...I have been fortunate in my life to have a few really good relationships which each one helped me grow. This relationship I am in right now is one of new breed to me. Which is probably why I am so totally in love with my honey. Although he is bad at babying me, he never kiss up to me and rarely does he make me feel really needed. BUT on the other hand, he has never lied to me, never let me down, he loves my kids as he does his own and is the most responsible man I know, next to my dad anyway... But when I see other woman with flowers or guys that spoil them, whatever, I remind myself that there is nothing like the feeling of being loved by someone who knows you inside and out, better than anyone else. You and I deserve someone who listens to us, our insecurities our fears, our defects and still remains there thru it all.
Kristi