Why do I keep doing this???

[nyyfan]

Hi,

Why do I keep doing this to myself??? I go a few days and then get consumed with thoughts of drinking. I've relented 2 times in the last week. I know that my husband will flip out if he knows - but I still keep using. I'm really upset and ashamed of myself. I was doing so well. I keep getting mad about the situation saying to myself that I am an adult and can drink if I want to. So I go out and buy and say I'll only have one. UGGGHHHHH.

My husband figured out that I was drinking last night. I acted all pissed off and told him to stop accusing me of something that I didn't do. I blamed it on being sick and taking Nyquil. I didn't speak to him the rest of the night. And I got dressed real fast this morning to just get out of the house.

I know if I admit this to him that he won't believe ANYTHING I say - which I understand why he shouldn't. I hate this. I wish this problem would just go away!!!

Help!
Lara

[Paulie]

Lara -

The problem will not just go away. It takes work on our part to change it. Thre are a few sayings in the program that I think are so TRUE.....Nothing changes if nothing changes......you will stop when you are sick and tired and being sick and tired.

Whether you want to get help through a 12 step program or not is up to you. Many people stay sober without using a 12 step program, whatever works. But that is the key, what is going to work.

In my opinion, the first thing you need to do is admit to yourself that you cannot just have 1 drink. I don't know you, you may be like me, 1 leads to 2 and 3 and 4 etc., you get the point. that is how it seems to be from what you have told us.

So what are you going to do today to not drink, that is the question?

And one other suggestion. I have seen several people say 'never' and use or drink again, I have seen some of them die from it. Don't tell yourself never, say just for the next hour, I will not drink....try and get through the day like that.

We are here to support you.

[nyyfan]

Thanks I appreciate it. I am really struggling with this. I see all you guys and think that I can never do it. I know I have to start one day at a time but it seems so overwhelming.

[Paulie]

Lara,

We are not different, you are no different than anyone else here. We are all doing the same thing, staying sober just one day at a time. It is our head that wants to tell us we are differnet, that others can do it but we can't.

Take it slow...you CAN do this.

I heard Jamie Lee Curtis this morning on Dr. Phil while I was exercising say "if we change can't to unwilling our lives would be different' . That hit me hard. I say I can't do alot of things. So if we change 'can't' to 'unwilling' it kinda changes things, don't you think?

[GettingFree]

Lara,

One thing you may want to try is coming clean with your husband and admitting you lied to him and ask him for his help. It will get this out in the open, help you name the problem, and create an environment in which you're less likely to keep re-abusing. And if you love your husband, it will also be the most loving thing you can do for him.

You see, one of the hardest things to live with as a partner of an addict is to be made to believe that you can't trust your senses. It's awful. Everything in you says you 'know' what's going on, you then voice it, and then the addict accuses you of making false accusations, of not trusting, of being unjust, uncaring, insensitive, etc etc etc.

It's called being an offender-victim -- when the offender behaves as a victim in order to avoid responsibility and makes it appear as if they're the ones who are being hurt or injured. And it's an awful mind f**k to the people you care about. It's literally crazy-making.

If you really do want to go ahead and choose substance abuse as a way to manage pain, go ahead -- but let your husband know the truth so he can know his senses are accurate, he's not crazy, and he can make decisions sfor himself based on the truth.

And if you do want him in your life, be honest with him, follow some of the other advice here and get support that is out there.

[bubblze30]

You use because it is what you know it is your security(even if it's destroying you)you are so used to doing it it comes natural. When you put the drink down and use your strength to keep it down after a while you will adjust to not drinking but you have to fight the temptations so you can see how life is on the other side. It's up to you do you want to see the other side? What are you afraid is on the other side. When you answer these two questions and use your strength you will learn it's beautiful ont the other side of the wall you are hinding behind. Give sobriety a good chance not two days give it a month then descide.

[namommy]

Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle happens.

Tell yourself this when you feel like drinking. You never know, the miracle of losing the desire to use may have been fated to happen just 5 minutes after you picked up that drink. Wait it out next time. Put yourself on a just for today mind-set. Do it for 5 minutes at a time if you have to, or even a minute at a time. Just don't pick up. It's hard, we all know that, but it is so much easier to just stay, than it is to come back.

Hang in there, I'll keep you in my prayers.

[wastedtime4me]

nyyfan
How are you this morning??
Your not a bad person.I dont know you so i dont know what s going on in your life but i would bet there is something real painful that you dont feel you can deal with and you use alcohol to escape from it~However when you sober up its still there isnt it?You have to do something different to make it better because this isnt working anymore~Keep coming backe here.I have found A great support system here and a wonderful group of women that really care whether it be 7 am or 11 pm..
{{{{big hugs}}}

[nyyfan]

I'm here! Just busy at work. I'm trying to take all of your advice and go one day at a time. Or hourly at this point. I'm not sure about coming clean with my husband though. He's very close-minded from being sheltered as a kid. And he doesn't understand that he needs to educate himself about dealing with this problem - and not just tell me that I can just quit. He's very intolerant when he doesn't understand something.

I'm going to my favorite meeting tonight - the all women's group. So, I'm excited about going.