These Are The Daze Of Our Lives~~

[wastedtime4me]

Hello girls
I have been in somewhat of a daze the past 48 hours or so~
I guess it would be akin to being on a pity pot~
I have alot of issues i will have to deal with in the near future ~
My usual way of dealing is to run like hell~~Just stay stoned and forget about it all~However i am really gonna try to do it differently this time around~Ihad a complete blowout with my son yesterday when i asked him if we could spend some time 2 gether..He didnt want to and was gettin mad because i would'nt let him walk away from me! I was blocking his way and just kept on..at first it was playing and just turned sour rather quickly..When he said we had spent time 2 gether i just didnt remember because my brain was fried~~~`WWHHOOOAAAA game over i went OFFFFFFF~~~~


Long story short---I think he saw a side of me he aint never saw before ..LOL
I made him sit down and i just lit into him~~
We ended up crying and saying alot that needed to be said~I told him i have alot on my plate right now and just dont need any of his crap added to it..I have to go to see a multiple sclerosis doctor on the 11th of november and i wish more than anything that i didnt have to go however over the weekend i have developed more symptoms that tell me i really do need to go see this doctor~My son didnt know about all this~I told him and now he knows~~I cant take anymore i told him.I feel like i am gonna fall apart here~~
So yesterday while he is out and about he calls to check on me..Today same thing..I can feel a difference~~I can only pray this grows into something beautiful before he leaves home to get married~`

I went to see my ortho doc about the extreme pain in my neck and shoulders i had been having since early last week if not longer .His reply is go back to ttherapy and do different exercises for that pain after tellin me to stop therapy for the weekend..do they really know what they are doin????I have shed so many tears the last 48 hors i would find it amazing if i had anymore to shed...I sat in the parking lot after i walked outta the docs office and cried some more..I have been having pain in my feet for more than 2 months i bet and cant get anyone to help me~~they all keep tellin me to ask the ms doc about it...i swear if he dont help me im takin my shoes off puttin my feet up on the table andrefusin to move till somebody helps me.LOLmy feet hurt while i wear shoes it feels like they are stuffed in there ...i have my laces open as much as i can ..they arent swelled and dont hurt to the touch but i have no clue..they hurt like crazy when i wake up even...but nobody seems to care..I tell you i am so fed up~~ im not kiddin if this next doctor doesnt take the time to look at them and try to help me im doin it~~lol.I have a hard time goin up and down steps and have a sharp pain goin up the one side of my foot..i am just a mess and only 36 yrs old!!!!!!!!!so i leave the office and i cry and cry and smoke ciggs and people are starin at me...lol..S o i start my car and just drive ..I dont want to go home and let my family see me like this ..they have seen enough of me like this yesterday ..so i go to the drugstore to fill my script for pain meds..wel there i get treated like a criminal..I had got a script for 20 pills last thurs...today i got another..they were givin me a hard time ..So i had to wait while they called the doctor.FOR 45 MINUTES I WAITED!!!!!He confirmed i wasnt trying to scam anyone then they filled it and then i went to my car and cried some more~~I drove to a lil park and sat and thought for a while~~My daughter is my rock but she is only 13 and this is just not fair to her..So i said pull it 2 gether 4 her she doesnt need this again 2day~~The later part of the evening i was fighting buying just one joint~~The old nobody will know since i was crying so much and had been so down ~They wouldnt be able to tell..You know what i thought of???Paulie's post~~LOL.NOBODY WOULD KNOW-BUT-I would know!!!!! I am very happy right now that i didnt buy one.I am not sad at all about not having any~~I came home and talked with my daughter about her day~S he asked if i needed to talk and i said i was gonna be ok~I told her bits and pieces about my day~I spared her the really sad stuff cause she has had enough this weekend~She said she had a really good day today but was worried about me in the back of her mind all day..Ilove her so much she is such a blessing to me~~Then i talked with my son for a bit wow that seems weird to say..lol..H e was about to take off when i got here ...HE TOOK THE TIME TO ASK WHAT THE DOC SAID..ANOTHER WOW~~I just spent the evening getting outta myself and am still worried about the future but trying real hard to stay in today~~one day at a time..sorry this was so long but i really need to get this out somewhere~~MOST IMPORTANT I AM STILL CLEAN AND SOBER~~~~.yyiippeeeeeeeeeee

[cj.]

(((((((((((((( wastedtime4me ))))))))))))))

cj

[51anna]

Hi Wasted,

I'm sorry you're having a tough time, but you seem to be staying stronger and getting through this. I hope you and your son continue to improve your relationship.

And, for the medical problems - my experience is that you just can't take 'no' for an answer. Keep on asking questions and looking for help, just be relentless. You owe it to yourself to take care of your health. Good luck with that!

Love, Anna

[Paulie]

Wasted -

You made it over a bump and you should be proud of yourself, I am proud of you. Keep talking about what is going on.

And I agree, you have to push for what you want when it comes to drs. That is a bummer that you were treated that way about the prescription but I bet it felt good when the dr confirmed your being there.

I am sorry you are in such pain, I hope that you get some answers soon.

[ButterflyChaser]

((((((((((((((((((wt4m)))))))))))))) Man if i was with you, I'd give you the BEST neck rub ever!!! Always remember that i am here for you!

[wastedtime4me]

Thanks {{{{{{{{{{girls}}}}}}}} have to call and make an appt for therapy today..If it hurts too bad.Im stopping and calling doc to DEMAND an xray of my shoulder!!Just not very trusting anymore~~This same doc was gonna have me go for therapy of the same arm a few months ago for tendonitis which is overuse ..when i knew i had nerve damamge and knew i needed surgery!! Ifought him on it then ,He looked over my records once he slowed down and apologized and then scheduled surgery ~~So i dont have alot of faith in him~gotta go take meds...be back later

[bubblze30]

Stop saying sorry for 1 and number 2 don't ask for an exray ask for an mri. What they can't see in the exray always comes up on the mri. They continued to tell me I was fine until someone told me to get an mri and bing bam boom there the disc problems were. I strongly suggest an Mri so that they can see why you are in so much pain. I am so sorry to hear about your pain but I am also stoked about you not smoking a joint. You weighed the pros and cons and made a very good descision. Must have been difficult to make all the stuff you have on your plate but you hold on to it because you didn't us and the strength from that time not using with be there for your next urge and so on the longer you let those temptations go without giving in the stronger you will be for the next time. So Way to go.

You must stay persisitant with these dr.s so they know you are not pulling the wool over there eyes as I once told you my dr knows I am in recovery and it took me a good six months before he finally said I believe you you are being honest and then prescribed me meds so stroong I told him I didn't want them anymore. Now motrin works but if ever I have a flair up he is write there with the script. They can tell the good and the bad it sometimes just takes them sometimes to see if we are being honest. I hope this damned pain of yours gets under control and soon. To go this long I remember is not fun. Be persistant and please demand an MRI. You have insurance so you will be coverd right. They are very expensive tests but can find anything that's wrong with a person. That's how they found my discs out of place could not see anything with the exray. I am praying for you girl. Hang on to that strength not using it's crucial at this point of your life. Triggers will be here to temp you more with the pain being so great. SO hang on tight things got to get better soon. You are still very young. I have another friend with MS and was wondering could it be a flare up from all the stress you know pain from the MS?

[wastedtime4me]

Thats what i meant to say was MRI..I have had so many of these crazy tests ran~~I am gonna call and bother my wonderful neurologist tomorrow~He wasnt in today~I called around today and in order for me to change doctors at this point~ I am looking at waiting until mid janurary before i can get in to see a new doc for a consultation~So i am just gonna have to be more assertive with the docs i have~I am not having anymore surgery unless i have tried every other route first from now on~So there is no reson he cant order tests for me~That is why he has put off further testing~Well i cant wait anymore~Your probably right bubblze .I really didnt think of that but all this stress im under probably isnt helping matters~Lets win that lottery and go on a vacation somewhere~~LOLIt sure did feel good when the doctor confirmed i was legit paulie.They know me at the pharmacy but it is store policy...I still felt like oh yeah..thats righ~LOL
Yes it is awesome that i havent smoked a joint TOO~~~I went to the store today to buy a bit of grocerys and i had no desire to buy a stash for later when everyone went to bed either~~It is very important to me that i keep that promise to myself to my kids~I know me and twon isnt enough and one is too many~~
Ifelt some pain still today in the shoulder/neck area but the meds work better than the others i had..It felt good to get outta the house as well Also and walk for a bit... I had my lil ones that i watch back with me today~So i was in better spirits than i had been~I love having them with me~it just brings smiles to my face all day long~
I will work on sayin im sorry...sorry.oooppss..heeheee
{{{{PAULIE}}}}
{{{{BUBBLZE}}}
{{{{CJ}}}}}}}
{{{{{ANNA}}}}}
{{{{butterfly}}}Thanks and i wish..LOL
Ok i have to get up early...thank you again for all your uplifting words of encouragement it means so much to me~~Good night and thanks for the prayers..sending some right back to all of you~~

[namommy]

WT4M,

I am just getting caught up here on SR. I am glad it sounds like you are feeling better than you were in your first post. Before I go to a doctors appointment, I keep a piece of paper and a pen available and everytime I think of something that I want to ask them, or that concerns me, I write it down. This way, I can be thorough when I go. Remember, The doctor works for YOU. It is you and your insurance company that pays his bills. You have the right as a patient to demand quality care and if you are not happy with the answers you are getting, you have the right to an explaination. It is your body and your health, ultimately you are responsible for it. Stand up for yourself.

[wastedtime4me]

I actualy do have my paper in hand when i walk in..lol
I dont walk in with an attitude but they have been times when i walk out with one..lol
I have had an unnecassary surgery before well 2 of them because i didnt do my homework and had a stupid doctor..Every since then i am armed with paper and pen~I go in with a nice attitude until i feel like i am gettin stepped on.I have not been myself lately just way too much goin on i guess...However i see being this way i am getting stepped on AGAIN~
Its just not right~I dont enjoy any of this one bit and the yact like i am bothering them~Well they aint seen nothin yet..Because i called one doctor today and didnt get a call back...Well a not so patient WILL BE CALLING BACK FIRST THING IN THE AM !!!!! LOOK OUT CAUSE HERE I COME!!!!!! I WANT ANSWERS AND I WANT THEM NOW!!!! THE WAY I AM GETTING TREATED JUST ISNT RIGHT!! BEING NICE IS GETTING ME ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE!!!!
OK HAVE A NICE DAY GIRLS~~~LMAO

[namommy]

Go Get 'em.