Im here

[brainwarp]

im such a loser. I do so well then blow it. Im back to binging once a week.
my husband has given me til the holidays to get it together or he is leaving.
i never thought i would be here to say all this. I was clean for so long and as they say "all it takes is one drink" and that did it. I am really hating myself right now. I need some advise on books, does anyone have a really good one that they can relate to? Ive read a ton but thats when i do best, journaling and reading. Im not a meeting person. I have held them in my house but then husband didnt like it. I really dont know what to do. I wish i could just pull the plug on this addiction thing. Im done struggling with it. I hate it. Its not just alcohol, its everything. diet, exercise,prescription drugs, you name it and ive been addicted and still am to some of them. I recovered from annorexia in 92 but that never really goes away. I have ocd too and my meds help but when i take other stuff it just cancels all the meds out. i have a young child and do NOT want to leave her to go into treatment. the only outpatient treatment is too far away. So all i have is you gals. I never drink around my child, only at night when i know my husband is there to take care of things. I binge drink. once a week is what im up to now, pretty pathetic. as someone else said here it is more dangerous because your body isnt used to it. I dont want to live this way anymore and i dont want to lose my family.. thanks for listening
Kim :ugh2:

[wastedtime4me]

Hi Kim
{{{{{{bighugs}}}}}}
First off dont hate your self!! Your not a bad person.Just for some reason that you need to figure out.You seem to feel the need to to escape !! First off i know you said your not a meeting person.I can understand that!What about an addiction counselor?I personally dont feel your chances of staying clean for long alone are gonna be very good on your own!!First step is to stop mixing your meds your suppose to take with ones your not suppose to take..that will give your ocd meds a real chance to work like they are suppose to and get your head in the right place!I know it is easier said thAN DONE BUT ITS A FIRST STEP.If you have been drinkin and mixin your meds up its gonna take a bit to get your meds back on track!I dont believe there is any quick fix answer for you..I am sorry but i dont!I go to the library alot and just look around at different books ...You can find books to help you with ocd and eating disorders addiction..You name it..The most important thing is you gotta want it!! You have to incorporate the things you learn into your daily life and i think it mgiht be a bit overwhelming to try and fix it all at once on your own..I believe my eating disorder my drug addiction /alcoholism.my ocd is all related to ..one thing thats my inability to cope with me on a daily basis!!!!! I am slooowwwlllyyyy day by day learning that im not perfect and thats ok..nobody is!I tell myself everyday to stay in the moment that just for today that nothing is so bad that i have to run away..ok maybe i run away to a quiet park setting and take a walk or ru naway to read a good book but i dont have to take a chance on losing my family and everything i love today because its gonna pass and im gonna be ok!!.Dont think in terms of forever!! Just for today ..You can do this!!!I hope you call an addiction councelor if you dont want to try meetings ..This is a heavy load to carry on your own!! I will say some prayers for you today and hope to see you back here at S.R...You have a lil one that really needs you to hang on!!!!!!!
{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}

[brainwarp]

your post made me cry but it also made me realize i cannot do this alone and i need to come here and speak my mind and get opinions, even if its only one.
I do have a addiction psychologist and i havent been in a year. time to get moving and make that call.
thanks the support
hugs
Kim

[Paulie]

Kim -

I hope you make that call today. I am a meeting person, but I know that is not the only way to get sober. BUT some kind of support is important, family, friends, counseling...whatever. I think getting sober all alone is very difficult. There are wonderful people right here at SR that have gotten sober without 12 step meetings, but if you get to know them you will see that they have family support, some kind of support system that they use. Please make that call today!

And of course come here, use us for support. I say this all the time, but it is true. We are all here doing the same thing, just trying to stay sober one day at a time.