help me please!!

[greenpeacer10]

hey my name is tonie and i am having a really hard time dealing with the fact that i have been raped twice....i just can't get it out of my head and it really is messing with me...i am the type of person that i pushes things in the back of my head so far that i don't have to deal with it and this won't go away...i don't know how to get past this...i feel like i did something wrong and i feel very stand offish toward a lot of people....or i do the opposite and i cling to the first sweet guy i meet and i know i am going about this all the wrong way..i just don't know what to do...anyone who relates please help me!!!


tonie

[Peaches04]

Hi greenpeacer! I don't have any advise, but just wanted to welcome you to SR and let you know that one of the troops who can help will be here soon, I'm sure. Hang in there sweetie... we're glad you found us!

[Paulie]

Hi and welcome from me to.

You need help/counseling. Call 1-800-65-HOPE, that is the number for a national hotline for rape victims. Call them, they can help you get the help you need.

Rape is not the victims fault, you did not cause it. But it has to be YOU that reaches out for help.

Please make the call.

[Chy]

It's imperative you find support in dealing with this issue. Please call the number Paulie provided, so they can put you in touch with a support group in your area. You deserve to begin to heal. *hugs*

[51anna]

Hi Greenpeace,

I hope you follow Paulie's advice and make the call to get some help and begin to resolve your issues.

Welcome and I wish you well on your journey.

Love, Anna

[maslanyjean]

PLEASE SEEK HELP RIGHT AWAY HUN.
I FEEL FOR YOU.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT
please call the hot line that Paulie gave you
i will pray for you.

[greenpeacer10]

thank you guys so much....i am definately gonna call....i know i can get through this...you guys are all so sweet!!

[namommy]

Tonie,

Welcome to SR. Again, please call the hotline. Early in my active addiction and again toward the end due to my "occupation" at the time I was raped on several occassions. It is NOT your fault. I realize that even though I placed myself in those situations, I did not ask them for it. I have found that realizing this and working on myself through the steps I have been able to let it go and heal. I know you can find the same freedom I did.

[wastedtime4me]

Welcome to S.R. {{{{GREENPEACER}}}}}
I am a big advocate of going to the library..I found a wonderful book a few years ago called "The courage to heal" it is a big book but well worth taking the time to read.I have actually taken it out twice..LOL.It is a book i recommend to anyone trying to heal from rape or molestation!! I hope you have called the number paulie gave you and i hope you check this book out...Sending prayers your way~~~

[Paulie]

How are you doing this morning Tonie, did you make the call?

[bubblze30]

Green is this the reason why you use/drink? You must seek counciling for help. The only way you can move on is to work on it. Getting a councilor you feel comfortable with will help. I was molested and raped from the age of seven to thirteen and once when I was about twenty. I have a great councilor that helps me get through it and my addiction. I uesed so not to feel. I drank so not to be me. I did not want to be me. I also put my self in bad situations and relationships. Today I am sober, single and I like myself. I believe my councilor has a great deal to do with it along with myself. Have you thought about a support group. I can not help you in any other way but to support you and pray for you. If you want the help get into counceling and get into a support group. I know you may not feel comfortable at first but if you give it a chance it might very well change your life for the better.

[thanxNA_f_ny]

Hi Toni!!!!

My experience is this; I have been surrounded around drugs my whole life, my uncle sold drugs , and my Father was an addict himself (I remember I had a toothache so my father put coke on my teeth to numb the pain when I was 5 years old), and an extremely abusive husband to my mother. I remember my father punching my mom in the stomach over and over again he broke three of her ribs. I remember hiding in my closet with pillows over my ears to block out my mothers cries. I remember my father throwing knives at my mom. (they always faught over money, due to my fathers addiction to cocaine and dope), so anyway, my mother decided to leave my father.

A couple of years later, my mom got remarried. Now my mother worked nights for years and years, so one night my step father came in my room (I was 10) and he had his way. I told my mother and she did nothing, so I felt I was abused twice. I held on to those resentments for so many years. I forgot it even happed until I stated to work on myself in rehab. I had so much hatered torwards my mother because I felt it was her job to protect her kids, no matter what, and i still feel that way! So at age 13 I stared to act out....not listening to my mom, step father, i just didnt care about anything or anyone. I would steal my moms credit card and buy cartons of ciggerettes and then sell them so I had money, I pawned my mothers jewlery just so I would have money in my pocket (I was not using yet, but I did have the behaviors). Well my mom had two children with this man (I love my sister and brother so much and I couldnt imagine life without them). So I felt she had a new family, you know, out with the old and in with the new.

So my step father ended up leaving my mom, which made me VERY happy, however, with my step dad leaving, my resentments were still there. So I started to hang out with the burnouts in school because thats where i was accepted. All my friends used drugs but me and I was labeled as the good girl and I always ended up being the one to drive all over. I ended up picking up extasy and started speed balling when I was 21 years old. I ended up going into rehab at the age of 29. One day in group counciling I broke down about what happed to me when I was 10. And all of a sudden I had to deal with the pain about my step dad having his way with me and my mother not doing anything about it. So when i got out of rehab, I had to address my mother, and when I did, she didnt want to talk about it at all, So I started to talk about what happed to me to my support group and my sponsor as much as I could, whenever it came to my mind, which was often. I cried so much about my hurt feelings and That made me feel SOOOOOOOO much better. My mother has a lot of guilt behind not helping me. When i first told my mother what was going on, she didnt believe me. She thought I was making up the story to hurt her for leaving my father. So my mother and I talked about it again and i did feel a lot better.

The bottom line is, I refuse to let anything or anyone stand in my way of true happiness. Yes, what happed to me was horriable, but I had to learn to let that go and move on. I dont live in the past today. I dont live in the future either, I live in the day, JUST FOR TODAY! You know, yesterday is history and tommarrow is a mystery!! Today my mother and I have a beautiful relationship. I have paid back the money i stole off her credit cards, and pawning my moms jewlery. I am greatful to my higher power and the rooms NA for another day clean!!!

One suggestion I can give to you is, Just let go and let god!!!!!
Write me back please!


LOVE YA TONI,
Christine

[thanxNA_f_ny]

Listen....your very close to where i live and i have to go through your town to make meetings.....maybe one ay i can scoop you up and we can make a meeting. let me know.

christine

[greenpeacer10]

well it is 1:30 and i did make the call...i am going to get through this....i feel much better this morning...and i am going to get to a meeting soon...i just really thank all of you for your support and advice...it really did help me and you guys give me the courage to get through this and stay strong....so thank you!!!

[Paulie]

Good for you. Keep taking it slow, I hope you can find a meeting today. You will get through this, I promise you that. You have reached out for help and that is the first step.

[ButterflyChaser]

go out to you I have no advice in this department just that I hope you get the help you need!!

[wastedtime4me]

Your welcome {{{{[green}}}}}}} Hope to see you back around here at S.R..I hope to see happier posts from you in the future~~

[namommy]

Some say "Keep coming back", I say "Stay it's easier". Hope to see more posts from you soon.