I think he's going to end up killing me..... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

jpc2505 · 10-06-2004, 10:56 PM

Tonight me and my bf got in a spectacular fight...worse than any since i've been sober...he put a sword through the mattress next to where i was laying...then took a knife and cut his arm several times and said if i called the police he'd say i did it..................i don't know how to live with this anymore...but i can't afford to leave......and if i do, i could lose my kids for good..............wtf??? how could someone do these things to a person they supposedly love?? and what am i supposed to do?? i have a stable address and life with him...if i leave i could lose my visitation........god, this is soooo scary.

jpc2505 · 10-06-2004, 11:04 PM

WHY?? why do this?? no matter how sober i stay, i'll never be able to afford the lawyer fees to regain custody of my children. the man i am in love with thinks nothing of threatening my life. i have almost no friends, or family, that i can depend on other than for drugs....what is there left??? why even bother??? if i stay sober, won't that just make all this that much harder to handle? god, all i want is for this miserable life to end.

KelKel · 10-06-2004, 11:11 PM

Lisa...
Take a deep breath...
Believe me your situation would be much worse if you decide to drink.
Can you go to a womens shelter... from there you can find other options that will stabalize your living situation.
You do not want your children around the situation you are in.
I am sending prayers your way...

Others will be along soon, hang-on, hang out here and keep sharing how you are feeling.

smoke gets in my eyes · 10-06-2004, 11:13 PM

JPC,

You will lose your kids for good if you are dead. Do NOT stay in a place where someone is threatening you with knives. Call your local spouse abuse shelter and get some help from their counselors. In your desperation over wanting your children you are not thinking clearly. This is not stability and would be a wretched environment to bring them into. Not to mention that you may not live to bring them into it. Please free yourself from this so you can begin to build some real stability for yourself and your family.

Hugs,
Smoke

LetF8B · 10-06-2004, 11:19 PM

LetF8B@msn.comeaking from experience. if he is on drugs, espec crystal you need to get out now! even if he is sober eventually his anger will increase and he will kill you, than what will your children do?that is slightly a less stable stuation. i know it is so scarey i remember most of all that look in his eyes, when they say "if looks could kill" oh it is the scareiest. i still have nightmares and have to be so careful w/ the kind of movie i watch. in my opinion no it is mot love, its neediness and anger relief. if you cant just yet leave at leaST START TO PREPARE TO. COVER YOUR SELF. that is important either way he might just take a short trip to jail for it so prepare to be alone at some point.if you are prepared and you have the means at least that is one step closer and it will help your self esteem also.please look into alternitive.close one door and two shall open.GOODLUCK

ONE TIME MIGHT BE AN ACCIDENT OR MISTAKE,
TWO TIMES IS THE BEGGINING OF A PATTERN.

jpc2505 · 10-06-2004, 11:21 PM

oh god...he actually put a sword throught the mattress next to me...i just don't think i'm strong enough to handle this....he choked me....i don't think i can do this anymore....

jpc2505 · 10-06-2004, 11:29 PM

Thanks to all of ya'll for your help....but i don't think i can handle anymore.........i think this is it for me....if i don't do it he will..............................

Alice Wonder · 10-07-2004, 01:17 AM

you are right Lisa no one can handle what you are going through. i hope you are safe please post to let us know you are okay. love- alice

minnie · 10-07-2004, 01:35 AM

Lisa

My heart goes out to you.

No-one can handle this situation. BUT, you CAN handle the alternative. Please take the advice already given and get to a womens shelter with your kids. That's what they are there for.

As has been said, this is not love, it is neediness in its most destructive form. You are worth more than this and so are your kids.

Please be safe and let us know what is happening.

Love

Minnie

In memory of miracle · 10-07-2004, 04:12 AM

I hope you will take the suggestions above.Get out of there ! At the very least call a domestic violence hotline.This is a problem that will not go away on its own . I have yet to meet a man that is worth drinking over.

namommy · 10-07-2004, 06:14 AM

Lisa,

GET OUT! fast. Not just for your self, but for your kids. Take the advice given and go to a shelter. You don't want your kids coming to visit you in that situation. They need their mom alive, so don't do anything stupid. I don't know the exact situation you are in, but I have been with abusers in the past. don't take that crap. Love yourself enough to stay sober and leave.

**51anna** · 10-07-2004, 06:47 AM

Lisa,

I'm so sorry for you, but you absolutely need to leave with your children and go to a women's shelter. They will help to get you reestablished. That's what they do. Please take care of yourself.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children.

Love, Anna

Paulie · 10-07-2004, 08:45 AM

I cannot say anymore than has already been said. You cannot have visitation with your kids if you are not alive, or if you stay there and CPS finds out the situation they will take the kids away for good, they want more than just an address. Get to a shelter now!

And to answer your question, you not being sober would definately make things worse not better. don't throw away all you have worked for because of someone else actions. Dont' think about love right now, dont' think about him, think about you and your kids.

Peaches04 · 10-07-2004, 08:55 AM

Lisa sweetie...HANG ON - you can do it...we can figure out a plan together - we have tons of smart people on here. First things first. Who has your children now and why are you afraid you would lose custody if you leave him? If you check out - and you leave your children - he will be ALL they have. And who do you think he will take his blame and his frustration out on...YOUR CHILDREN. We can figure something out - slow down and take a deep breath. I know your scared and I know your tired and I know it seems hopeless...it's NOT sweetie. Let's just talk this out like we are talking about someone else. Take yourself out of the drama for just an hour and lets see if we can come up with a plan....together!!!! Hang on sweetie...your kids need you and you are worth saving! Nothing that has happened to you is not going to be made worse by drinking...while your are not drinking - You have a chance!!!! TAKE IT!

Peaches04 · 10-07-2004, 08:58 AM

I think we can all go to a chat if you want?

wastedtime4me · 10-07-2004, 08:14 PM

Can someone get her I.P. address and send someone in to check on her and the kids?? I believe this is serious!!! I remember on another thread a while back where someone was threatening suicide and someone got the I.P. address and from there got the home address and sent help..I am not sure how but i know it was done!! I really hope lisa and her kids are still ok!!! I will say a prayer and hope it reaches her in time .I dont know what else to do!!!{{{{{{{{{{{lisa}}}}}}}}}}

Elly · 10-07-2004, 08:21 PM

The domestic violence hotline is 1-800-799-7233. They say if you need help now to call that number.

Elly

Chy · 10-07-2004, 08:26 PM

jpc, help is out there, make the call! Check in please!

namommy · 10-07-2004, 08:34 PM

This is getting very scary ladies. We need to pray and send alot of light her way tonite and until we hear from her.

Lisa,
Please check in and let us know how you are.

splendra · 10-07-2004, 08:42 PM

((((((Lisa))))))

Prayers and light and (((((hugs)))) for you. Be okay girl.....

barbiebyanyothe · 10-07-2004, 08:57 PM

Lisa,
Please respond and let everyone know that you are ok. We can get some help for you. PLEASE don't give up--you are all your children have--PLEASE DON'T hurt yourself. You can't do that to THEM. PLEASE respond

hopealwayz · 10-07-2004, 10:01 PM

Lisa,
I hope you are ok and safe. I'm worried about you. Let
us know how you are doing. You are in my prayers tonight.

wastedtime4me · 10-08-2004, 01:52 AM

Thinkink of you and your kids{{{{{{{{{{{prayers and hugs}}}}}}}}}

Paulie · 10-08-2004, 08:36 AM

Still praying for you my friend. Don't give up.

bubblze30 · 10-08-2004, 10:08 AM

Jpc,

How good of a mother do you think you will be dead. You need to get help and get out of this situation before you end up dead. If child protective services see you asking for help out of a dangerous situation it may help you. If they find out you are staying in a situation like this it will ruin your chances all together. My suggestion ask for help. Call a women battering hotline or one for domestic abuse. You should be able to get into a womens shelter that will then help you get housing and get you away from him. He is sick and he needs help. You staying in this situation is going to ruin your chances I mean it. At least in a womens shelter you can get into some groups and start a support network in turn getting papers for you when you go to court they will see you did everything in your power to get out of the situation to better your chances. I know alot of people say they don't trust child protective services but I had one I didn't like and then I got one that went to court with me and helped me get her back, put her in daycare, got her health insurance and many,many other things. I too was in a dangerous situation with a man. They helped me and I know they will help you. You can't stay there you will eventually get hurt. I was. Please for your children and yourself get out and get help.

10-06-2004, 10:56 PM	#1 (permalink)
jpc2505 Lisa Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Louisiana Posts: 124	I think he's going to end up killing me..... Tonight me and my bf got in a spectacular fight...worse than any since i've been sober...he put a sword through the mattress next to where i was laying...then took a knife and cut his arm several times and said if i called the police he'd say i did it..................i don't know how to live with this anymore...but i can't afford to leave......and if i do, i could lose my kids for good..............wtf??? how could someone do these things to a person they supposedly love?? and what am i supposed to do?? i have a stable address and life with him...if i leave i could lose my visitation........god, this is soooo scary.

10-06-2004, 11:13 PM	#4 (permalink)
smoke gets in my eyes 1000 Post Club Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: That's what I'd like to know. Posts: 2,432	JPC, You will lose your kids for good if you are dead. Do NOT stay in a place where someone is threatening you with knives. Call your local spouse abuse shelter and get some help from their counselors. In your desperation over wanting your children you are not thinking clearly. This is not stability and would be a wretched environment to bring them into. Not to mention that you may not live to bring them into it. Please free yourself from this so you can begin to build some real stability for yourself and your family. Hugs, Smoke __________________ It is better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life. 21st century proverb

10-07-2004, 04:12 AM	#10 (permalink)
In memory of miracle In Memory Of Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Connecticut. Posts: 3,740	(( Lisa)) I hope you will take the suggestions above.Get out of there ! At the very least call a domestic violence hotline.This is a problem that will not go away on its own . I have yet to meet a man that is worth drinking over. __________________ In Memory Of Teach only love...

10-07-2004, 06:14 AM	#11 (permalink)
namommy Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Never, Never land Posts: 2,711	Lisa, GET OUT! fast. Not just for your self, but for your kids. Take the advice given and go to a shelter. You don't want your kids coming to visit you in that situation. They need their mom alive, so don't do anything stupid. I don't know the exact situation you are in, but I have been with abusers in the past. don't take that crap. Love yourself enough to stay sober and leave. __________________ I came into this program to save my a** and found out it was attached to my soul. --Anonymous

10-07-2004, 06:47 AM	#12 (permalink)
51anna Forum Leader Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 11,030	Lisa, I'm so sorry for you, but you absolutely need to leave with your children and go to a women's shelter. They will help to get you reestablished. That's what they do. Please take care of yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children. Love, Anna __________________ Anna "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou

10-06-2004, 11:04 PM	#2 (permalink)
jpc2505 Lisa Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Louisiana Posts: 124	WHY?? why do this?? no matter how sober i stay, i'll never be able to afford the lawyer fees to regain custody of my children. the man i am in love with thinks nothing of threatening my life. i have almost no friends, or family, that i can depend on other than for drugs....what is there left??? why even bother??? if i stay sober, won't that just make all this that much harder to handle? god, all i want is for this miserable life to end.

10-06-2004, 11:11 PM	#3 (permalink)
KelKel Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: The Mohave Desert Posts: 2,313	Lisa... Take a deep breath... Believe me your situation would be much worse if you decide to drink. Can you go to a womens shelter... from there you can find other options that will stabalize your living situation. You do not want your children around the situation you are in. I am sending prayers your way... Others will be along soon, hang-on, hang out here and keep sharing how you are feeling.

10-06-2004, 11:19 PM	#5 (permalink)
LetF8B Fate Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: mountain view Posts: 2	LetF8B@msn.comeaking from experience. if he is on drugs, espec crystal you need to get out now! even if he is sober eventually his anger will increase and he will kill you, than what will your children do?that is slightly a less stable stuation. i know it is so scarey i remember most of all that look in his eyes, when they say "if looks could kill" oh it is the scareiest. i still have nightmares and have to be so careful w/ the kind of movie i watch. in my opinion no it is mot love, its neediness and anger relief. if you cant just yet leave at leaST START TO PREPARE TO. COVER YOUR SELF. that is important either way he might just take a short trip to jail for it so prepare to be alone at some point.if you are prepared and you have the means at least that is one step closer and it will help your self esteem also.please look into alternitive.close one door and two shall open.GOODLUCK ONE TIME MIGHT BE AN ACCIDENT OR MISTAKE, TWO TIMES IS THE BEGGINING OF A PATTERN.

10-06-2004, 11:21 PM	#6 (permalink)
jpc2505 Lisa Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Louisiana Posts: 124	oh god...he actually put a sword throught the mattress next to me...i just don't think i'm strong enough to handle this....he choked me....i don't think i can do this anymore....

10-06-2004, 11:29 PM	#7 (permalink)
jpc2505 Lisa Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Louisiana Posts: 124	Thanks to all of ya'll for your help....but i don't think i can handle anymore.........i think this is it for me....if i don't do it he will..............................

10-07-2004, 01:17 AM	#8 (permalink)
Alice Wonder Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Los Angeles, Ca. Posts: 353	you are right Lisa no one can handle what you are going through. i hope you are safe please post to let us know you are okay. love- alice

10-07-2004, 01:35 AM	#9 (permalink)
minnie Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: England Posts: 3,417	Lisa My heart goes out to you. No-one can handle this situation. BUT, you CAN handle the alternative. Please take the advice already given and get to a womens shelter with your kids. That's what they are there for. As has been said, this is not love, it is neediness in its most destructive form. You are worth more than this and so are your kids. Please be safe and let us know what is happening. Love Minnie

10-07-2004, 08:45 AM	#13 (permalink)
Paulie It is what it is!!! Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sobriety Posts: 5,518	I cannot say anymore than has already been said. You cannot have visitation with your kids if you are not alive, or if you stay there and CPS finds out the situation they will take the kids away for good, they want more than just an address. Get to a shelter now! And to answer your question, you not being sober would definately make things worse not better. don't throw away all you have worked for because of someone else actions. Dont' think about love right now, dont' think about him, think about you and your kids. __________________ I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06 The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR

10-07-2004, 08:55 AM	#14 (permalink)
Peaches04 Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Carrollton TX Posts: 440	Lisa sweetie...HANG ON - you can do it...we can figure out a plan together - we have tons of smart people on here. First things first. Who has your children now and why are you afraid you would lose custody if you leave him? If you check out - and you leave your children - he will be ALL they have. And who do you think he will take his blame and his frustration out on...YOUR CHILDREN. We can figure something out - slow down and take a deep breath. I know your scared and I know your tired and I know it seems hopeless...it's NOT sweetie. Let's just talk this out like we are talking about someone else. Take yourself out of the drama for just an hour and lets see if we can come up with a plan....together!!!! Hang on sweetie...your kids need you and you are worth saving! Nothing that has happened to you is not going to be made worse by drinking...while your are not drinking - You have a chance!!!! TAKE IT!

10-07-2004, 08:58 AM	#15 (permalink)
Peaches04 Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Carrollton TX Posts: 440	I think we can all go to a chat if you want?

10-07-2004, 08:14 PM	#16 (permalink)
wastedtime4me ~FEELS SO ALIVE~ Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: In A sTaTe Of HaPPiNeSS Posts: 643	Can someone get her I.P. address and send someone in to check on her and the kids?? I believe this is serious!!! I remember on another thread a while back where someone was threatening suicide and someone got the I.P. address and from there got the home address and sent help..I am not sure how but i know it was done!! I really hope lisa and her kids are still ok!!! I will say a prayer and hope it reaches her in time .I dont know what else to do!!!{{{{{{{{{{{lisa}}}}}}}}}} __________________ ~WaStEdTiMe4Me~

10-07-2004, 08:21 PM	#17 (permalink)
Elly Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: none Posts: 7	The domestic violence hotline is 1-800-799-7233. They say if you need help now to call that number. Elly

10-07-2004, 08:26 PM	#18 (permalink)
Chy Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: El Paso, Tx Posts: 5,886	jpc, help is out there, make the call! Check in please!

10-07-2004, 08:34 PM	#19 (permalink)
namommy Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Never, Never land Posts: 2,711	This is getting very scary ladies. We need to pray and send alot of light her way tonite and until we hear from her. Lisa, Please check in and let us know how you are. __________________ I came into this program to save my a** and found out it was attached to my soul. --Anonymous

10-07-2004, 08:42 PM	#20 (permalink)
splendra the girl can't help it Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: splendraville Posts: 4,771 Blog Entries: 3	((((((Lisa)))))) Prayers and light and (((((hugs)))) for you. Be okay girl..... __________________ nice has a hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

10-07-2004, 08:57 PM	#21 (permalink)
barbiebyanyothe Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: AR Posts: 14	Lisa, Please respond and let everyone know that you are ok. We can get some help for you. PLEASE don't give up--you are all your children have--PLEASE DON'T hurt yourself. You can't do that to THEM. PLEASE respond

10-07-2004, 10:01 PM	#22 (permalink)
hopealwayz Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: somewhere Posts: 3,514	Lisa, I hope you are ok and safe. I'm worried about you. Let us know how you are doing. You are in my prayers tonight.

10-08-2004, 01:52 AM	#23 (permalink)
wastedtime4me ~FEELS SO ALIVE~ Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: In A sTaTe Of HaPPiNeSS Posts: 643	Thinkink of you and your kids{{{{{{{{{{{prayers and hugs}}}}}}}}} __________________ ~WaStEdTiMe4Me~

10-08-2004, 08:36 AM	#24 (permalink)
Paulie It is what it is!!! Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sobriety Posts: 5,518	Still praying for you my friend. Don't give up. __________________ I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06 The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR

10-08-2004, 10:08 AM	#25 (permalink)
bubblze30 Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: mass Posts: 1,360	Please where are you? How are you? You must respond! Jpc, How good of a mother do you think you will be dead. You need to get help and get out of this situation before you end up dead. If child protective services see you asking for help out of a dangerous situation it may help you. If they find out you are staying in a situation like this it will ruin your chances all together. My suggestion ask for help. Call a women battering hotline or one for domestic abuse. You should be able to get into a womens shelter that will then help you get housing and get you away from him. He is sick and he needs help. You staying in this situation is going to ruin your chances I mean it. At least in a womens shelter you can get into some groups and start a support network in turn getting papers for you when you go to court they will see you did everything in your power to get out of the situation to better your chances. I know alot of people say they don't trust child protective services but I had one I didn't like and then I got one that went to court with me and helped me get her back, put her in daycare, got her health insurance and many,many other things. I too was in a dangerous situation with a man. They helped me and I know they will help you. You can't stay there you will eventually get hurt. I was. Please for your children and yourself get out and get help. __________________ "What don't kill us. Will make us stronger"