Wedding stress

[cady2004]

Well it is now 7 days before i get married and i am stressed over my family flying in for it. My mother is a controll freack and haveing my wedding on the east coast and living here has been so wonderful. this is my 3 marraige and my 1st on she called all the shots so it was nice to plan this one with no one but my future husband. i am feeling stressed on what she is going tosay about the way the wedding is as well as the way i live.. see i live in a little country town villiage and i loev it but i cn hear her putting it down..

help or advice how to stop feeling inferior in my new life.

[lonlion]

Congratulations Cady! Stand your ground and be strong, and if she starts, just say, oh well, it's the way we wanted it, but mom I'm glad you could make it.

[51anna]

That's it Cady, it's your day and it's your life and you don't need to accept your mother's negativity into it. Have a wonderful wedding!

Love, Anna

[Paulie]

WOW - do I know exactly what you are saying/feeling. I just got married about 6 weeks ago, my mother lives less than 10 minutes from me, it was not easy.

I will tell you exactly what my sister who is my best friend and maid of honor must have told me 100000000 times over the 9months of planning my wedding. It is YOUR day, she had her wedding, do what YOU want and ENJOY!!! I got to the point where my mother would say something negative about a choice I had made and I would say 'okay, thanks' and leave it at that.

it is YOUR day ENJOY!!!. I just had a conversation on Thursday with the girl who is marrying my brotherin law next year. His mom, my MIL wants them to get married in the catholic church, well in Aug when I married her other son she wanted the same thing. She still loves me even though I didn't follow her wishes. I told my SIL to be that my MIL had her wedding 45 years ago, this is hers.

I did exactly what I wanted to do, and I regret nothing, I loved every minute of it and I hope you do to.

Just say' oh thanks' and move on.

Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!

[CarrieSueBee]

These ladies are exactly right! You are doing what you want to do! It is YOUR (and your fiancee's) wedding, so dig in and hold tight for the things that are important to you.

You will forever hear, "we did...(blah blah)" or "You must have...(blah blah - like matching napkins, or a limo etc.)."

Blow all the negativity off. Some moms are a bit more controll freaky than others. It may really bother her to be out of control of this wedding. Oh well. Anticipate that and have some quick comebacks in your tool box, like "We planned it that way" or "I didn't want that" or "That wasn't in our budget." Maybe something like, "Oh Mom! You already worked yourself to the bone on the first two, we thought you should relax and just be a guest for this one!" - Sometimes things said with a smile and in good humor come off really well. :-)

[bubblze30]

I am sure everything will be just fine. I don't think I will ever get married. I was engaged twice to one physical abuser and did coke and then a heroin addict who I knew wouold not work. I swore I would get married once and it would be forever. Now I don't think I ever will I am thirty-one and in recovery with a back problen who has gained much to much weight with recovery and the back things. I think of it often but don't think I will ever be so lucky.

I pray yours goes well and I hope you have many years of happiness and joy. May your life be filled with good surprises and love...

[jpc2505]

Congratulations, Cady! This is your big day, try not to stress over your mother. If she's being a little too "helpful", maybe you can pawn her off on another relative until the ceremony. Is she staying at your house, or a hotel? Maybe you could tell her that as a surprise you booked a hotel room for her, since you thought all of activity at the house might not provide her with enough peace and quiet. It sounds as if it would be well worth the added expense! Now, try to relax and enjoy your wedding! I'm sure it will be beautiful!

[ButterflyChaser]

wow!! congrats to you!!!! to the both of you! all I can say is..it's your day, so you do what you want & feel on your day!!!!
You go girl!!!!!!

[AmyD]

My mother in law was hideous during the planning process and also during my wedding. I just started smiling at her when she gave me some advice (that I didn't want or need) and saying "thank you!" and then I did whatever I wanted to do. I still use that self preservation technique when she butts in too much.

[cady2004]

Thank you all for the wonderful advise...
2 days til the wedding

my house is so noiseie i cant even think straight

and it is 4 days til my 1 year sobriety bday yeah.......

[wastedtime4me]

congrats to you {{{{{{{{{cady}}}}}}}}}
All the noise and hussle bustle will calm down soon enough!! Where are you going for your honeymoon??

[namommy]

Cady,

Congrats!! I hope you have a beautiful day. I married my 3rd (and current) husband in recovery. I remember a week before the wedding I was so stressed out. I knew my sponsor was at a meeting, but I didn't know which one. I went to all the meetings around here until I finally hunted her down. I was like a lunatic.

I hope things went well with you mother. My favorite thing is being passive/aggressive "Ok Ma." then do what I want anyway.

[bliss]

When I got married I didn't have the confidence and the strength to set boundaries with my Mom and not let her control my wedding. Looking back I wish I had stuck to my guns since the wedding turned out to be a bad experience for me. I think that is a shame being it was supposed to be mine and my husband's day. Do what is right for you. If you disagree with her opinion just say "oh thanks for your input" and do exactly what you want to do.