Life..fun without alcohol??

[jenjram]

Hi,

I posted yesterday about life..is it fun without alcohol? I am going into a residential treatment center this week, admitting myself, because I feel that if I continue to drink, I will be a detriment to my husband and baby son.

Sometimes I can't relate to what some of you are saying..and I guess, for that reason, I need some reassurance. Alcohol has started taking over my life, but it hasn't made it dangerous yet.

I have never had a DUI (although I'm lucky), never had any issue with the law, my life is for the most part positive ( I have a great family), but I know my drinking can get out of control. So, I have asked some people on the board, can life be fun without drinking? And they have told me, that life wasn't fun WITH drinking. Maybe that makes sense later, but it just doesn't now, especially for me and the life I have. I wish I could quit the day to day drinking and I don't want it to get worse, which I feel it will if I don't quit, but my vacations, family occasions (Christmas, etc), parties (from time to time) are MORE fun with drinking. They are defined by drinking. The only time I have been able to abstain (for nine months) was when I was pregnant with my son, and when I was pregnant, I didn't want to go to nice places for vacation or to parties and/or dinners for my husband's business because it wouldn't be fun..I couldn't drink.

I am going into treatment for my son (and husband) and FOR me, and it's my choice. However, drinking can be SO fun, and how do I prepare for life without it? What do I do, especially in those social occasions that I so depend upon it. It truly does make me open up and be fun.

Someone suggested that I am not ready for treatment, and I resent that..because I am one of the minority that wants to admit myself to treatment..I am not going to be dragged into it! (my husband won't admit I have a problem!) I guess I just want to know that life can be fun and full of joy and laughter without the alcohol.

Thanks for your opinion,

Jen

[51anna]

Hi Jen,

I also thought alcohol helped me to open up and relax in social situations until drinking got out of control. Now I don't get involved in many social situations. When I do, I'm quieter than I used to be and that's fine with me. In fact, I prefer that because it's 'me'. Before that I used alcohol to change me into someone who wasn't me.

Maybe you could define vacations, family occasions and Christmas by love for your family and enjoying spending time with them, instead of defining those occasions by drinking. Focus on your family and friends instead, and hopefully the drinking will seem less important. It seems that you're willing to check into a treatment centre for help and that's great, but in my opinion, you need to shift your perspective as far as your outlook about fun and drinking.

You're right that alcoholism is a progressive disease. It will get worse unless you stop. It's inevitable. You're making a good decision for yourself and your family and I wish you well in treatment.

Love, Anna

[CarrieSueBee]

Jen,
Your story sounds EXACTLY like mine, no DUI, no scrapes to the car that I couldn't explain, I have my job, husband, nice house, baby son.....
I drank to make things more fun...more intresting...to liven thngs up. I drank a bit because acting sober was a challenge and I'm all about a good competitive challenge.

I also thought it was glamourous. Knowing which wineries were top notch was important to me.

I went into AA because I had too much to loose.

Think about how much you don't want to be like my last "drunk" story...

I came home from a baby shower, blotto. From then on I don't remember a thing, but my husband told me that I was filling up the kiddie swimming pool and going to put my 18 month old in there to swim. I was in NO shape to supervise him. I felt so horrid the next day as I as cleaning up my vomit, and I was further sickened to hear what I could have done, if my husband hadn't put a stop to it. I was panicked with fear.

How would I fel if I had to now go visit my son at the morgue? What if I had to walk away and leave him in that cold dark morgue place? Not very glamourous, eh? I'm sure you love your son, an I do too. Something like that would have ripped my heart out and proibaby taken my soul with it.

That was my "hitting bottom." That is as "bottom" as I ever want to go. My drinking was spiraling out of control. Each time I drank it seemed to get a little worse, and by the end (50 days ago), I was doing things like stopping for wine on the way home from grocery shopping, grabbing a beer to drink in the car on a way to a work meeting (all to make life more fun).

Today was the most beautiful day in Vegas, sunny, clear, light breeze and I thanked God about 5 times today for letting me continue to live with my family, my car, my house, my job. Becasue it didn't have to be that way. If I drink again, I risk loosing all of that....my clean driving record, an arrest, killing someone while driving, doing something irresponsible to my son and hurting him. Because I'm not in control when I'm in a blackout. And I can't guarantee I won't black out if I take one drink, because I can't stop.

Today was really fun and enjoyable. Not the crazy, livin' on the edge, trying to cope, challenge, of trying to act sober when I know I've got a good buzz going. But it is a different kind of happy and fun. It has more meaning now and it makes my heart happy.

I wish you all the luck and good treatment you can stand,
-CSB

[Becky B]

HI, just want to wish you love and hope, especially while you are in the treatment program. I've been sober 8 days. I finally went to AA. I think life will be fun again someday, but for now I have to work on some things. Anyway, I just wanted to wish you hope and love. You are not alone.
Hugs, Becky

[mountaingirl]

Jen, that is so awesome that you are getting yourself into treatment. I'm jealous! I did it alone with the help of people here like Anna who have earned their wisdom. You will get to be with people in treatment who are so full of information and strong help. Believe what they say. Take it all in. And come back to us and share.
As for fun, I think alcohol hides us from reality, so getting real again without it takes time. But I am 7.5 months up the road from you and I want you to know, life is ever so much better without all the shame, hangovers, and panic. Believe me, you find new fun. It's not drunk fun but it does exist. There is more fun in life than drunk fun. Does that make sense?
hugs

[bubblze30]

Hi jen bubblze here,
I am the one who suggested you may not be ready yet. I did this after reading your last post. The words you wrote just to me sounded like you were not done. Like you still have a drink in you. Kinda like you are not ready to say goodbye to alcohol yet. Sorry if I offended you in any way, it is just I had gone to treatment in the begining myself and was just not ready to give it up. Thinking it was not a problem and I had not got into trouble with it. I believe I did it for my mom. It didn't work out because I thought life would be no fun without. I graduated to some pretty awful things in my life. I think it is great you want to stop and you are getting help. I just wanted to be honest with you about the addiction. Thoughts of not being ready to give up all the fun times and parties bring us back to maybe just one drink then another until we are back in the scene.

OK on to the fun part. Here goes.

I goto the park with my daughter early in recovery. Instead of going out at night to a bar I would take my daughter out and watch her beautiful smile. I became more active with her school. I also got back in touch with my family. Each day I am not hung over or sick is a good day. There are so many fun things that you can do without alcohol. I don't get hang overs no more, or black outs. I don't scrape my knees if had to many, My liver is not being beat up anymore, I am healthier. Can't you goto this dinner party without alcohol have a soda and still laugh and still have fun? Why do you think you can't laugh and can't smile with out the substance in your body? I know many of us get so used to hand and hand alcohol and fun we forget we can have just as much fun without the alcohol. I guess its all learned behavior. You need to teach yourself how to live and be happy without alcohol. Sometimes it takes alot of getting used to. I myself was so afraid I couldnt be happy without I isolated out of fear. Now however I have just found other ways to make me happy. Buying her that outfit instead of liquer, taking her out instead of myself, buying her something she wants instead of a bottle. There are many rewards without drinking but as we learned to drink and taught ourselves that going out is not fun without alcohol we can learn to live and have fun without it. It is all learned behavior. Again I did not want to offend you its just the percentage of people that think life is no fun without alcohol nine times out of ten drink again. I see it so often. Its just statistics and you may be the one who don't but do some reaserch and check it out. I try to help not hurt so please forgive me.

Drinking and fun was a learned behavior, and so can not drinking and fun. We just need to teach ourselves that fun is fun it need not go hand and hand with alcohol. It is out there Jen. It is possible. Fun is everywhere.

[boop64132]

Jen,
I already gave you some of my input on the horrible facts for me from alcohol.
So,we wont go through that again.LOL I just want to wish you luck and alot of success in the treatment program.
I think its a very wise move if you see it turning your life upside down.
There is so much more out there!! Life can be fun without it.
So good luck and keep us posted!

Hugs and prayers to you Jen!!