New - want to quit

[Sparkle2]

Hi all. Never chatted before so please excuse any offenses I may make to your protocol. Need support in what has been lame and unsuccessful attempts to get off coke. Really sick and tired. I am an active user and if not welcome in forum please direct me elsewhere on site. Most appreciative.

[CarrieSueBee]

Sparkle -
Welcome to SR. I'm an alcoholic, so I'm not that good with specific coke physical effects. But I hear you want to quit! Good for you. That is step one. There is some work ahead of you, but it will be so worth it!!
I admire your bravery - - and your reaching out for support. You got it here, sistah! This is a SUPER bunch of gals with all sorts of ideas that are helpful.
You are welcome anytime! Best wishes!!!

[Paulie]

Hi Sparkle and Welcome to SR. -

You are welcome, you have a desire to quit, that is good. So how can I help. I am an addict who is blessed to be sober 9 years now, it can happen. I dont' take my sobriety for granted, not for one day. It takes work, but it is more worth it then I can ever begin to explain.

Start tonight, just don't use for the next 24hours, dont think beyond that, just get through the 24 without picking up.

[Sparkle2]

Thanks CarrieSueBee and Paulie. As much as I want to quit, I can't seem to do it. I am ashamed to say I have been letting myself use "one last time" for about a year. Can you offer any advice on jumping that hurdle? I am very aware that I am self-destructing and that every day I continue to use I erode my self-esteem even further, hate myself for it too but it's not enough. Any thoughts?

[Paulie]

I understand exactly what you are saying. The only thing I can say, is when it is enough, you will quit. I am sure you have heard people say that have quit, they got sick and tired of being sick and tired.

When I quit, I felt I had 2 options left. One quit and get sober, two kill myself. Thank goodness I did not have the courage to kill myself. I had so much hate and disgust with myself and how I had lived my life, self esteem, NOPE NONE. I had to get help, I had to go to rehab, I don't know if that is an option for me and I know it is not for everyone, but that is what I had to do for myself. And still today I continue to work a 12 step program of recovery.

What kind of help can you get, can you ask for from the people around you? Can you find an NA meeting?

[Sparkle2]

I actually searched meetings earlier tonight. Not until Friday. But I've been there before, but I never go. You know you always cling to the idea that you can do it alone, but days pass and the desire passes, better to binge and start the cycle again. Maybe it will be different this time. In the past year I've made lifestyle changes but hasn't stopped a thing. Things have escalated instead. I am definitely near if not at the point where I can clearly see I have to make the choice. I am reaching to you all because I have kept the depth of my problems pretty well concealed from the few people that would care - and hurt the most. So thanks for the support again.

I had a DUI about a 1-1/2 ago and had mandatory meetings to attend. I made it a point to make one a NA meeting and I was really moved - could totally identify. I know attending the meeting on Friday will be a step in the right direction. Cocaine addiction has driven me to this point (was on phone looking to score when pulled over for the DUI - v. sad) but have LONG history with substance abuse. Hope the fact I'm chatting now is a sign I'm ready to free myself. Goodnight and thanks again!

[namommy]

Sparkle,

Welcome to SR. Why don't you try to call the Hot line number in your area, talk to an addict, and find out if there are any meetings close to you tonite that are not yet listed on the computer. Even just talking to someone close by might help. You can do this. Just take it a day at a time, an hour at a time, or even a minute at a time. Lifestyle changes are good, but they won't help alone, we need personality changes. I found on major problem with lifestyle changes, I always took me with me.

[wastedtime4me]

{{{{{{{{sparkle}}}}}}}}}
welcome to our boards...there are alot of beautiful women here..hope you stick around!!

[Paulie]

Sparkle -

We can be here to listen and support you, but it is YOU that has to make that step to stop.

Let me tell you something, most addicts think they have [pretty well concealed' their addiction from their loved ones, but really they are only fulling themselves.

And "maybe it will be differernt this time" YEP that is said by every addict over and over again. One of the definitions of insanity...doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Make the choice today, right now, just not to use for the next 24 hours, dont' think any farther than that, just stick to a day at a time.

[CarrieSueBee]

{{Spaarkle}}
When to quit is YOUR decision. Remember, we are all on this ADDICT BUS, it is just that some get off sooner, some get off later, but we all wanted to get off the bus because it is headed for a cliff! Look at long time users and drinkers..how do they look? How do you think they feel? Now, would you rather get off now..or ride it a bit longer? The choice to quit is yours, and yours alone.

I tried to quit on my own several times...and I wondered why I went back to it. Don't you? It takes other people and books to help me understand this disease and to have the tools and strength to fight those urges to have "one last time."

On my 4th day sober, I drove past one of those large advertizements that is a giant baloon that was a Foster's beer can outside a bar. It was a promotion for the bar... and I had to tell myself "Never again. That is never going to be part of my life." It is sad at first...that the OLD me will go away. But now I realize that is a good thing.

I was also sad that I had to "give up" on doing it (quitting) myself. I cried and cried and felt like my spirit was broken. But that is exactly where I had to be (desperate and humbled) in order to make this program work. And it has worked. Thank god, because I wasn't able to do it myself.....thank goodness there is some other way!!!

[josezette]

Hi thank you for sharing so openly. I have been sober for 24 hours and I've been looking through these posts and they are really very inspiring. The important thing for me is to get through tomorrow too..and try to figure out a way to grow out of this thing that is eating me alive. thanks again. I don't feel so alone now.

[Paulie]

josezette -

Welcome and congrats on your first 24 hours. Just take is slow, don't get overwhelmed by tomorrow, stay in the now, and for right now, just dont' drink or use. Keep reading, there is some great stuff around here and you will meet alot of people and make alot of friends.

[KelKel]

Welcome...
(((Sparkle)))
(((Josezette)))

Glad you are both here, this a a good place to come and get support for dealing with your addictions and develop your spiritual foundation.

[Sparkle2]

Feel like hell today and have way to much on my plate. Unfortunately, addressing my problems will have to take a back seat for the next couple of days - moving - ughh! Been drug-free only a couple of hours but needed to pop my head in if only to reinforce my desire to break the cycle. Thanks to all again for inspiration!

[CarrieSueBee]

Hi Sparkle and Joszette,
Really quitting takes lot of willpower to change the past habits.

Sparkle, good luck moving..it is stressfull, so keep checking back here for inspiration.

Joszette, I remember that first 24 hours....and believe me...it wasn't easy or pretty to admit what alcohol had done to me.But I had to give in to the idea that I could not drink and just did it by saying inside my head, "I don't drink...I don't drink." I also got a good book, "How to QUit Drinking without AA" but then I went to AA anyway.
However you try to do it, try to throw yourself into the program with all your heart.

[indigo]

Welcome to you both it's a great place to be and I echo all the above.
Indigo

[josezette]

Thank you all for your kind words. Right now I'm getting ready to go to my first NA MEETING. I'm really nervous. I'm kind of shy with people I don't know already and I'm scared to death of those people in that meeting. It makes me sick..but I need to reach out to someone because I can't do this thing alone. wish me luck...I'll let ya know how it went.

[Paulie]

Just remember, everyone in that room is just like you. I was terrified to, I know. but everyone there is there for the same reason you are, they need help staying clean. And we can't do it alone, we need each other.

[ButterflyChaser]

Hello Sparkle & welcome!!!! You are in the right place to begin with & I am so glad you found your way here!
Have you been to any meetings?? Or shall i ask this....how bad do you wanna quit using???

[CarrieSueBee]

I thought I'd hate those meetings. I didn't want to be lumped in with a bunch of burnt out barflies. So I stayed by myself for 20+ days....but then everyone said, "GET TO A MEETING."

See, meetings aren't just a social gathering of those with the disease. It ain't no Rotary Club for alkies. It is part of the treatment. A necessary part for me.

AND now...I see things differently...it is all different. Now I know, everyone in that room has a message for me if I open my ears and hear it. And now, if someone (one of the "regulars") doesn't show up for a while...I worry about them. I pray that they are OK, that they will make it back. You will probably start to make some of the best contacts of your whole life.
Best wishes to all of you as we travel this bumpy road of recovery!

[bubblze30]

Are you sick of being an active user? Do you really want to quit? Are you tired of your life revolving around cocaine? Then you are welcome. We are all addicts trying to stay sober a day at a time. Some of us not as successful as others but still willing to continue to try. Please join us and share with us. As we will share with you how we came to quit and sought help through others.