sponsors and nerves

[Elly]

Hello ladies,

I don't post very often, though I am a faithful reader. I have almost 5 years in the program, and I have a question. Are you all ever nervous around your sponsors? I've had the same sponsor since I came in, and I completely trust her - fifth step and all! But, I admire her so much that it is often hard for me just to relax and speak from my heart - if that makes any sense. For the big things, I have no problem talking to her, but for the day to day stuff, I guess I worry - I still worry about being high maintenance or getting on her nerves. Plus, I get in that dangerous spot in my sobriety of feeling like I'm working a good program and I "shouldn't" feel this way and that I should be beyond insecurity. I would have thought that after this much time meeting and talking that I wouldn't feel nervous, but I still sometimes do. I continue to learn a lot from my sponsor and I do recognize that this issue is with me, and I'd like to feel more comfortable. Any suggestions out there?

Elly

[Paulie]

Elly -

I know exactly how you feel. I talked to my sponsor about just that almost. I told her that I feel kinda intimidated by her and the fact that we have 6 months apart and she seems so much farther along than me and blah blah blah. And it really is just that...blah blah blah. We should feel whatever we feel, it is just how we deal with the feelings that is the tricky part.

I am a react now think later person and my sponsor is just the opposite. She is calm and collected when I need her to be. But she also shares with me when she has meltdowns with her sponsor or her husband or something like that.

I don't know if I am helping or not here. I would suggest that you tell your sponsor exactly what you posted here, if nothing else getting it out to her will help you. And I bet she will say that she has felt the same in the past.

Isnt' it funny (in an odd way) how are minds do this to us.
Congrats on your 5 years keep up the great work.

[CarrieSueBee]

Hey Elly,
I truly believe that a sponsor wouldn't have put herself in that position (to help others) if she really didn;t want to be there for you. I think sponsors know that part of their recovery is to help someone, no matter where they are along that path. Helping you (us) is waht they want and what they NEED for their own recovery, so they welcome the chance to help you.

They expect a discussion of day to day challenges and worries (and positive things too)....they are not just waiting for the one call in the night to talk us out of drinking, months and months after we first met them.

That said, I hope you aren't getting some vibe off her that your calls are a bother to her. Is she snding you a subtle mesage that she can not handle being your sponsor? If you are sure it is just you and feeling insecure (which is normal), then keep on keepin' on. But if you think you aren't matched up well, maybe you can switch sponsors. You sposor should want what is best for YOU.

[splendra]

My sponcer will just tell me if I am getting on her nerves. I guess that is why I love her so much I just trust her to always be honest with me.....

[bubblze30]

Elly I have one very simple suggestion. Talk to your sponcer. Tell her you feel uncomfortable sometimes around her. The only way you will get the right answer for your problem is communication and going to the source. She may even feel the same way or may even sence your uncomfortable feelings in her presence. You have known her a long time. You are still clean so the two of you are doing something right together. The only way your relationship will flourish even more is by openess and honesty. Give it a shot it might lift a burden you have been carring for so long. I think she will be open to helping you find out why you feel this way. Give it a shot girl. What have you got to lose. Possibly your sobriety if you let it eat away at you. talk about it and let it go.

[Elly]

Hi all,

Thanks for responding to me, and sorry it took me a while to post back. I posted and then went out of town for a few days! You all make good suggestions. I'm meeting my sponsor tomorrow, and we'll talk. Thanks - guess I just needed a nudge in the right direction!

Elly