he's coming home....................

[ButterflyChaser]

my bf is coming home next week, he's finally through with his legal matters, so he gets to come home.
I'm so excited & I mean real excited, I've been missing him so BAD!! Remember me telling ya'll that we had such an awesome tiem when I went up to visit him? We got along great!! I want us to stay just like that! I knoqw everything will be alright with us, cuz we are both NOT using & dont' plan on it AT ALL!! But why am i feeling kinda scared??? I sometimes think about the past & the awful things I went through with this man, I, sooo bad want US to be ok, which we are right now, we are really ok, I just have doubts, guess it stems from the past (zoomer & bubblze, ya'll know where I'm coming from right?) I mean we've made it this far, right??
Can 2 people really satart all over? start fresh again?? does it really happen for peopel? Or does those "doubts" still pop up?
I'm so emotional today, my stomach is in knots..and I need ya'll right now, don't really knwo whatI'm trying to say...just that I love this guy with all myheart! and I know he loves me, Is it normal to have these fears still? crazy question, huh? lol :scared1:

[Anna]

Hi Butterfly,

I think it's very normal to have the fears you have when you guys have been through a lot. And, you know that there's no guarantee to sobriety for any of us.

And, do people ever get a second chance - I think it's possible if you both focus on yourselves, each other and staying sober. There are always risks to everything we do every day, right Butterfly? So, I guess you just have to figure out how much of a risk you think there is in this situation and if you think it's worth it, and it sounds like you do.

I would say go into it with your eyes open and your heart open too.

Love, Anna

[Paulie]

Butterfly -

I am here to tell you that YES 2 people can start over and it can work. I just married the man I used with for years. The most important thing is to put your sobriety first. I know in my heart that if I continue to work my program and take care of ME first I will be okay. You see that is the key for me, knowing will be okay with or without him. That may sound funny considering I have been married for less than 2 weeks, but it is true. I never used to think that way. My recovery and my relationship with my HP comes first. I know today, right now ( I cannot think about tomorrow) that is my husband came in the door with a bag of dope I would leave. That is huge for me to always know in my heart.

We are human, we are addicts, we have our moods, we deal with each other, we try and accept each other for who we are without trying to change the other person. For years I was always trying to change the man I was with, not anymore and that is a good feeling for both of us.

It is good that you both have had time apart to start your recovery on your own, my husband (still is weird to say that) and I did that too, and it strenghtened not only our recovery but our relationship

Be honest with yourself and with him. If it is meant to be it will be, take it from someone that knows.

You are a smart lady, always follow that feeling inside, it won't lead you wrong.

the fear you have right now is normal, but look at all the fear you have already walked through.

We are here, and will be here to share the good and the bad. Love to you kiddo.

[lilluvr71]

Butterfly, It sounds to me that you and I have so much in common, it's not funny. My boyfriend of 8 yrs. is incarcerated in Richmond,Va. I am in Ohio.... We have been thru it all 2gether. Good and bad. We were get high buddies, best friends,lovers, parents of three beautiful boys, and so on.Before he got himself in the mess he's in, I was ready 2 call it quits. And I tried....but I prayed about it, and believe God was incouraging me 2 stay in his corner. So here I am....waiting 4 him to come home. You are so lucky , you will see your man soon. I have about another 8 months to wait. The good Lord is definetly in our corner. Cuz things could've been worse than they were. Bottom line is...Butterfly, that as long as you put the good Lord first, before all else(the both of you, but especially you.). He will look over every aspect of your life. Keep your faith in Him, and watch the blessings start to flow.The reason I say especially you is cuz you have to put yourself before your relationship, but God first. And I am a firm believer in..."the woman makes the man." You set the right examples, and he will follow......KEEP FAITH IN THE MAN ABOVE.

[zoomer]

(((((((((((((((BF))))))))))))),you know I'm always here. I'm sorry your going through some fear right now, as everyone eles says, it normal. LOL, I'm living proof that my husband can drink and I don't. I don't fight, I don't do anything but do what I have to do for myself. Calm down and take things one day at a time. Hey did post your poetry yet at poetry.com? Things like that keep the focuse on myself. My husband does not care too much about my poetry,but that's OK, because it's mine and my feelings. (((((((((((huggys)))))))))))))))

[CarrieSueBee]

Butterfly,
You can have a 2nd chance.... if you both want it. It would be so nice for you to be happy. You say you don't have any plans to use. Make plans to NOT USE. Keep it in the positive.
Doubts are normal. Plan for the future. Expect some good times, but anticipate those times that are normal with every relationship - - when he will get pissy with you or you will be in a bad mood, and have a plan (way to cope) already outlined and ready for you to put into action.
Probably the most interesting thing is that you have a HUGE opportunity to find new things to do together instead of use or drink. It may be tough at first, but there is a whole fun world out there with TONS of things to do, and you two get to go discover those fun things. Old habits die hard, but not that hard when two people are tryng their best to stay clean and sober.
BEST WISHES, sweetie, it is so fun to read about how excited you are!

[wastedtime4me]

{{{{{{{bf}}}}}}}}}}}

[bubblze30]

I didn't get a chance to read this yesterday. So I am sorry for posting so late. You really sound like you a willing to do what it takes to make this work. If he is willing to do the same it very well can be possible. Try not to focus to much on the past and look into today and a new fresh start. Let what happend in the past stay in the past. You bopth were using. If he is getting help and you are and you both are sober try it. However try to keep your eyes open just in case the past comes sneaking in again and if he starts acting like he did before. I will be here if it works and even if it don't I am your friend and I understand you wanting to give it a second chance. I think I was a little harsh yesterday in my pm. I hear the change in you in your words but I fear him and the past what he did to you. You Remeber thats why I am so iffy on it. What ever you chose to do I will be there. Just don't let it get out of control like the past.