8/15/04

[bubblze30]

Today's thought is:

The 23rd-1/2 Psalm

The Lord is my sponsor! I shall not want.
He maketh me to go to many meetings.
He leadeth me to sit back, relax, and listen with an open mind.
He restored my soul, my sanity, and my health.
He leadeth me in the paths of sobriety, serenity, and fellowship for mine own sake.
He teacheth me to think, to take it easy, to live and let live, and to do first things first.
He maketh me honest, humble, and grateful.
He teacheth me to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things that I can and giveth me the wisdom to know the difference.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of despair, frustration, guilt, and remorse, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me; the Program, Thy way of life, the Twelve steps, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; rationalization, fear, anxiety, self-pity, and resentment. Thou anointest my confused mind and jangled nerves with knowledge, understanding, and hope. No longer am I alone; neither am I afraid, nor sick, nor helpless, nor hopeless. My cup runneth over.

Surely sobriety and serenity shall follow me every day of my life, twenty-four hours at a time, as I surrender my will to Thine and carry the message to others; and I will dwell in the house of my Higher Power daily. Forever and Ever.

[bubblze30]

This is a great reading. Although it got me thinking. If the lord is my sponcer; why must I need another? I haven't had much luck with sponcers and do not have one now. I do think though that other then my depression I am doing everything I need to do to stay clean. I have a great councelor and support groups outside mettings and this forum. I have over three yrs. and no desire to use. I can't say that I will never use again that is projecting. I can say just for today I will be clean and sober and I have my higher power in my life. I had lost my faith a little not praying as much. However I am trying my hardest to talk with my h/p everyday. I think a closer contact with god may also help me with my depression. I guess reading this confused me a bit.
I know as I read this passage that I try to do everything this reading says. I believe in my h/p to get me through and know I must also do the footwork. I feel all these things working in my life.

[zoomer]

((((((((((((((Bubblze))))))))))))),great reading! I guess for me being on SR alot makes me think of my higher power all the time weather I like it or not! I still cannot figure out "his will" vs. my will". I guess for me my depression is lifted when I cry, when I am busy thinking about others and thier problems,medications,interaction with people amd sometimes I let depression over take me because it's a natural state to deal with issues in my life. Heres a little story.
I was at the beach.
The waves where awsom!
I was a strong swimmer and decided to go out into the waves and catch some with my boggy board.
I caught a couple of rides.
Then the sets of waves kept comming in way faster than before.
I was getting closer to the pier that if you happen to get caught in,the waves would smash you to bits against the pilings.
I would try to swim in and away from the pier,but the waves and current where too strong for me.
I was getting tired.
No one was there to help me I was on my own and I was scard.
I desided to let a wave take me to shore.
I knew I was going to eat sand,get hurt and tumble,but it was better than drowing.
I prayed,took in a couple of deep breaths and let go.
I was underwater for a long time. I felt like my lungs where going to burst,but I staid calm.
I ate sand,I got scraped up and tumbled,but I got to shore.
I was shaky when I got out of the water.
I was sort of embarrassed that everyone on the beach saw me and the waves won. LOL, I did't care I was safe.
I sat on the beach for the rest of the day because there was no way I was going back out to prove nothing to no one.
After that I kind of lost my "no fear stance of childhood" and gained a healthy respect of the sea and God.