Perspective

[Rowan]

A friend in the fellowship recently found out her son (14 or 15) has a rare
form of throat cancer. They began chemo this morning. His prognosis at this time is not known.
I talked to my kids' stepmom earlier today. Her sister, who is 35 and a breast cancer survivor, has just found out she has six months to live - brain cancer this time. She has three very young children.
And here I sat sulking earlier today, because I have to drive a crappy used Toyota for a few days while my brother looks for a new car for me. I've also felt resentment because now that the stepmom can't take the kids, I have 2 full weeks with the kids with no break! Isn't that selfish? I had to admit it, to say it at least here, because I couldn't stand keeping such an ugly feeling inside. Oh and I've been sitting here thinking about my boyfriend and when am I going to see him next. God.
I hate cancer.

[JennieB]

My g-mom had throat cancer 3 times. Their last resort was to take her to a hospital or clinic in Mexico that specializes in natural herbs or something.

My best friends g-pop just got diagnosed with colon cancer. One huge mass cell which was ready to explode. When they opened him to remove that, they saw a lot of littler ones. It already spread to his liver. They are giving him 3yrs with Chemo. 3 months without. He is choosing none. Had he gone to the docs 20 years ago, this would have been prevented. So sad.
I too hate cancer.

I will pray for your friends.

[Boots]

Hi Rowan,
We all need to blow off steam and say what we feel. Sometimes I see a person walking down the street with a lunchbox, looking all grubby...and I automatically think...ick. What a wake-up call for me! That could be me. When I see someone tooling down the sidewalk in a wheelchair or at a store that is obviously battling some disease, I am so grateful that I have choices. Even if they are crummy. I have a car, no matter what it looks like or how it runs, it gets me where I need to go. I don't have a job(looking) and I have to dream up new ways to do things with my son that don't involve money. That's a tricky one! I get so angry about my situation. And then someone needs some help with something and it's going to inconvenience me...and I really stomp my feet and scrunch up my face. I have to get it out and turn it over. Get alone and swear, swing my arms around and growl! Do it when you need to. Hopefully you can learn to laugh at yourself about it.
I'm the one that can turn it into a positive. My negative attitude just rubs off on the people around me. I'm the only one that change how I think.
How many kids? Can you do something with them that is different. Something more creative. My son requires less of my time when I pay extra attention to him...even if it's 20 minutes. Say how you feel in "kid language". What can you read that gives you strength? I reach for "How It Works" or Bill W.'s "The language of the heart."
Be thankful that you have choices. That you are able to get through the day. This too shall pass. You will look back on it.
It's a learning experience. You're doing your part in a much bigger picture!
I think you're coming up on a year of sobriety. How fortunate you are to have the tools to get through, without feeling sorry for yourself and using.
Get what you need and give what you can. and pray.
Marjean

[Rowan]

(((Jennie))) thank you for your prayers. I will pray for your loved ones.

(((Boots))) thank you for your much needed perspective. I knew how I was feeling/reacting was wrong, but still I needed to identify it and do something about it. I feel better already. I've always been big on helping others but I guess when push comes to shove and it's something that's really going to inconvenience me, I'm not that happy after all. I guess this means I'm human. I don't remember walking on water recently! My kids are nearly 12 and nearly 9. Both girls. Clarification: my eldest daughter hasn't come home to me in nearly 2 months, she's living with her Dad, so it's only my youngest, and she's no problem at all. I'm just being selfish! I want sleepovers with my bf and I don't have them when she is home! God would you listen to me. I will write about this in my journal, talk about it at my meeting tonight, and yes, I will pray. Prayer has been such a source of strength. And Marjean? Thanks for remembering that I am coming up on my one year. It is Sept 2 .. it feels good.
Much love
Rowan