Jealousy

[bugu]

Boy have I been experiencing jealousy lately. First off, I am dealing with relationship issues and I can get jealous if a man I am interested in even talks to another woman, where is that coming from? I feel like a teenager. Also, there is going to be a new person here at work starting in a couple of weeks and I am already jealous and I haven't even met her. I already envision her being liked by others and she doing a better job than me. I was the new kid on the block, now I have to relinquish that. Man, I hate this feeling. I am sure it stems from low self esteem too.

[JennieB]

Thank you for sharing. I could identify with you. I too, suffer from low self esteem. I'm getting better at it. What has helped me is accepting me for who I am. there will come a time when someone doesn't like me. And when that times comes...oh well. I started looking at myself in the mirror and found one good assest. I started with my eyelashes. I would say "I have really long beautiful eyelashes." and it just stemmed from there. Today I can say "I am ok today. (inside and out) This is me..." Next thing you know, I get scouted for a modeling agency. Heh...who would have thought!! lol

[namommy]

It all stems from insecurity. Do you go to NA meetings? If you do, try to get the "Self-acceptance" pamphlet. It helps.

[JamieVirgo]

I have problems with jealousy as well. But I never incountered the feeling until after my husband started and (continued after recovery) to cheat on me. The worst part and the part that makes me the most insecure, not understanding what went wrong. Before that incident I had never really expirenced the rage of being jealous. Me and my husband are still together , I made the desicion to forgive him. Because I love him and if I am too small to let the anger go, my love and trust in him will never grow.

(Of course this only works if he continues to behave)

[bubblze30]

I was always insecure too. Low self esteem, self-doubt ect. The funny thing is now that I am heavy I like myself better then when I was thin. It is strange I don't care how anyone looks at me. Of course I would rather be smaller. Thing is since I gained I could focus on me the inside not me the outside. I was always trying to get approval with my looks now I use my mind, ideas thoughts. It truely makes a difference when you find out your inner beauty out weighs your outer beauty.

[bugu]

Namommy, no I don't go to NA, only AA. Is there another place to get the "self acceptance" brochure you are referring too?

Bugu, I totally relate to you because I am so majorly jealous over my man at all times even though he is still my knight and shining armor ( or whatever that saying is ) & at almost two years sober I am less insecure than I was but I am still insecure!! Thanks for sharing; now I am feeling less alone about this problem!!

[namommy]

I don't know how to post links, but I am sure one of the ladies will come along a post a link to it for you. You may be able to try the NA website. I do know that one.

www.na.org

[Rowan]

Yeah I can relate to this also - jealousy is less of a problem though the longer I am in recovery. It really has nothing to do with my man and everything to do with how I feel about myself. So I try to remember that I can't change him, but I can accept him and I can accept myself .. and take it a day at a time.
And Bubblze I really like what you had to say about inner vs outer beauty - you put into words what I have often felt but could never articulate. Thank you.

[JennieB]

BUBBLEZ30: "Thing is since I gained I could focus on me the inside not me the outside."
Thank you

[pjplibra]

Oh my, the more I read other's posts the more I see ME the inner me. Man can I get jealous... and from what I can now see is it is definitely something that is self-destructive. I have been so jealous that I have been in a very very bad relationship with a guy that I think stems from that exactly. Whenever I attempt to break away, I start thinking about him picking up women, about him touching another woman about him kissing another woman. Just keying this in makes the pit of my stomach hurt no ache like hell. Then when I reconnect I discover I don't like the alcoholic him and I don't like how he is so , I do it allllll over again. Jealousy SU$$S! When I am with him in public I watch his eyes to see if he is looking at other woman that I think looks better than me. What a waste, what a way to live and have a relationship. Jealousy is keeping me returning to a relationship that I should not be in. We must rid ourselves of this nasty nasty human condition... God wants us to love ourselves, not with vanity or self-idolization (is that a word?). Anyway, I relate and I am really really trying.. let's begin our chant! LOL
"we are good, we are beautiful inside and out.... we love ourselves... we are worthy we are US"

Lots and lots of Love,
PJ

[bubblze30]

Someone once told me something and at the time I thought I could change any man. He simply put it like this"if they are going to stray you and anything you try to do will not stop them. There is nothing you can do about it but accept it and move on" with this now I understand what he meant. Weather I didn't want to hear or believe it in the past the truth is we can not make anyone do anything and if they are going to stray there is nothing we can do to stop them. It sure does make you think once you get the drugs out of your system. There are so many men that would love and care for you and not stray why pick the ones that cause us to be insecure. There are also the super insecure jealous ones who see things that are not even there. The quick stare at another girl/guy(simply looking around), the phone number in the pocket(turns out to be strickly buisness)we think another lover, late from a metting(truely late from a meeting) although there are cheaters out there alot of innocent men get dragged into being a cheater with always being accused. I can remember vividly turning nothing into something.Oh I was good for that.