Breaking Up is Hard to Do

[lynwill2]

Hello Everyone,

Before I begin I need to Thank God for allowing me to wake up this morning, and the strength and courage to continue on. Thanks God.

Here's my story.. I have been in my present relationship for 6 years and I am currently in the process of trying to leave it. I have made this attempt several times and have always reconsidered and went back hoping things would change between us. I have been clean for 23 months and I had hoped that once I had remained clean and actively participated in a 12 step program that things would change between us..considering I was made to believe that my using was ruining the relationship. Well low and behold since I have been on this journey of recovery I found that I do not "like" this person that I am with, I do not trust them, which means a lot in a relationship. We have a lot of material things together that I am willing to let go. I am afraid that I do not love them as a life partner anymore but maybe as a friend. I am hurting inside something awful because this is a very hard transition for me but each minute I have to pray to God and try to stay in the moment. I am going to see my new residence today, and right now I don't know whether to be happy or sad. I do know that this has to happen in order for both of us to have peace. I have talked to my sponsor, shared some of this situation in meetings, prayed etc. I am so grateful for AA/CA because I would not be able to do this alone.

In the past my significant other was very revengeful and did a lot of negative things to me to get me back for some of the things that I did to them during my addiction and while I was clean. I do not like this feeling of fear that I have over this situation I am trying to have faith that they won't try to destroy my car or call my job with a bunch of past mess or just make life miserable for me.

I do know deep inside things may not be as bad as I am making them but being an addict I think of the worst scenario first.

I would appreciate any feedback negative or positive. Pray for me.
Thanks for letting me share. Lynda

[zoomer]

Good Morning Lynda. It's always the other person's fault in any kind of relationship weather it's a using one or not if two people are not mature enough to deal with things as they come. In my past relationships I have been accused of everything under the sun and punished ta boot. It still goes on,but for me, I'm just on top of the situation and I stay very far away physically from that other person and only have contact when need be. If someon els punishing me now and I can't get my point across,then I learn to igonor and stay away. It's very hard to do. It takes two though to fight,so that those or them fight by themselves while your out enjoying your life! congrats on makeing good choices today! And Welcome to SR!

[Cap3]

Hey Lynda,you say that your partner,becomes revengeful,and getting back at you for things that you have done in your past.Have you made amends for those things.?Your part in it all?If so,then your part is now over.Sometimes people{2} have not accepted my amends,and have come back at me,with their,full blast,sickness.,for the things that ive said and done to them when i was loaded.But i dont let others hold me hostage.I cant,if im to live a happy,,relativiely normal life.I made my amends,and have not gone back to that kind of behaviour.,through the Grace of God,and programs.No amount of guilt,,they tried to pass onto me,will ever change my past.it happened.And now its all in God,s hands.I humanly cant do anymore to help ease their pain.They must work through it.They are in AA.I dont fear what they will do.One pulled a boner,on me,i cant control them.what i can do,is pray for their peace,happiness,in their lives.And,i can take legal action,if need be.If in the future calls for it.Or whatever action is needed in the situation,and then let it go.I too,stay away,,from these people,because ,being in contact,is not helful to me,or them.People change.I change,so i dont know what the future holds for us.May become good ole buds down da road,or not.But for now,im keeping my distance.That gut feeling never lies to me..But i flatly refuse to live in..fear...Been there for many,many years.I ask God to give ,me, the courage,strenght,to do His Will,in this situation.And not to let mind my mind,,into the what,ifs,,lol.What if this happened,,or that.Keeping focused on Today,and dealing with what is.I have to.Because i could really get into the what if,s.If something does happen,God will give me the strenght,courage,to handle the situation.He has so far.My mind is focused on today.Living in the moment.
Just sharring with you what is working in my life.Hope it may be helpful to you.
Sending you prayer for both of you.May peace,be yours ..
God Bless,,take care!!!!!!!!

[bubblze30]

Making a descision to end a relationship is hard in and out of recovery. You sound like you have thought it through well enough to know the relationship has no future and the sooner you follow through the sooner you can begin to heal. Remind this person that you do have feelings and it has been a hard descision but you feel it is best for both of you. The longer you wait the harder it will be. It will not be easy but you can recovery from it. Do whats best for the both of you.

[ButterflyChaser]

Hey Lynda, what ever you choose to do, always know that we are here for you! I hope everything works out for you! I really do!! I know it's hard, beleive, I KNOW!!
You seem like a smart girl, & I think you'll make the right choice, good luck to you, you'll be in my thoughts!
((((((((((((((((((((((lynda)))))))))))))))))))))))

[sober1_94]

Lynda,
First...a big congrats on your 23 months clean/sober. Second, you are doing all the things that are positive for your recovery, i.e. talking with sponsor, going to meetings, reaching out, working on you, and very important, taking care of "you" etc

It took me staying with "that man" for 5 years and a relapse for me to get to where I am at today...another thread. The hardest thing that I have done for myself was to let go of "him." Even knowing that I am willing to do all it takes for recovery, it still hurt like he$$

What I have found for me......
After being clean and sober, working on myself, taking care of me.....There were/are a whole load of folks I have found, I no longer "like," One being, "him," who is now out of my life.
As my self esteem grew, and as I started to get to know me, what had once been acceptable was no longer acceptable. I began to like myself enough to demand I be treated with respect and that I deserve to be treated with such. I also have a 0 policy as far as abuse today, be it mental, psychical, or, emotional abuse.

Lynda, you have reached yet another healthy plateau in your recovery. Why it hurts so much, and why it is so hard to do what is the positive, healthy thing for ourselves I will never know. I just know that as I was told, by those who had been there before me, it works.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep coming back and let us know how you are doing.

huggers kk

[Anna]

Hi Lynda,

You have a lot of strength to be getting out of the situation you're in when it is no longer good for you. It is so easy to be pulled toward the dark, negative side, but try to only see the light and the love and the positive. I wish you well.

Love, Anna