Advice needed on mixing recovering and normie friends

[Iceberg]

My husband and I are having our first party since I entered rehab tomorrow. We have a bunch of wonderful friends but, I am still not ready to "out" myself with them.

This will also be our first party where new recovering friends will meet these older "not in the know" friends. My general philosophy is that everyone can handle themselves because much of our fellowship in group is centered around protecting each other's privacy. Nevertheless, I am a little nervous about awkward introductions. Like... "Nice to meet you soooo... how do you know our hosts?" Obviously, I am not ready to say we met in rehab.

I am sure some of you must have dealt with this, what have you said that works? What doesn't work?

Please advise!
-XO Iceberg

[Paulie]

Iceberg,

Yes situations like this can be uncomfortable at first. I personally can't think of having to go through that because I only had friends that used and had to leave them behind to stay sober. Obviously the situation with you and your husband is different.

I do know that when I went for job interviews or as I have met people after being sober I have said things like "we met through friends" which is true. It is important for me not to lie, honesty is huge to my recovery.

I guess I am not much help, am I? LOL

Stay honest with yourself and things will be fine. Look at why you don't want to say 'rehab". Se most of my family and the few friends that I had after getting clean knew where I was when I was in rehab.

good luck to you.

[Iceberg]

Thanks Paulie, I didn't get a lot of advice to this question but yours was the cleanest and best! Thanks so much! The party went well and my friends mixed nicely. "Friends of friends..." nothing went beyond that except possibly new friendships.

I feel really centered today as this was one of the major hurdles I needed to get over in my recovery. I even noticed a couple of people saying... "mmmm that -insert non alcoholic beverage- looks good, I think I'm going to have one." What a great thing to hear a normie saying

My husband (a normie) even said he drank a lot less than he normally would have at one of our parties. He even put a few bottles back into the cellar (that has NEVER happened after a party!) and...before going to sleep he thanked me for going into rehab (for both of us.)

I guess this is what is supposed to happen when a lot of hard work, fears, tears and soul searching goes into making a change. Wow it's been a rough couple of months but well worth it! 52 days today!

Love,
Iceberg

[sober1_94]

Iceberg
congrats on facing and overcoming the hurdle you had this week-end.
I did not offer any ideas on your dilemma as this is one I have not had to face.
I once upon a time, relasped after 5 years and it was a living nightmare from hell getting back into recovery.........I don't trust myself around alcohol or drugs period.
Simply because I fooled myself into believing I could be a social user....
I don't mean that I can't eat out where alcohol is served, or etc, I just don't hang with friends who drink.
That's my choice and what works for me.....and what works for me, may not work for you.
Congrats on the 52 days also!!!!
huggers kk

[zoomer]

Congrats Ice on 52 days I'm so proud of you!!!

[bubblze30]

I think you should just be relaxed and be yourself. You don't have to say "I met him/her at rehab" simply tell them You met at a meeting. If you feel that uncomfotable call the "in recovery" friends and discuss it with them that way you don't hurt there privacy and ananimity either. I am sure the party will be a sucess. I always say a closed mouth does not get fed. So talk it over with them...
Ouch my bad(one of my daughters saying) I am late responding>>> How did it go?

[Iceberg]

You are absolutely right bubblze! Respecting annonymity is so important and so is not lying. I did speak with my recovering friends and they liked Paulie's suggestion. We used it and it was great! (Read above

[brainwarp]

my inspiring friend iceberg,
be yourself. only open up to whom you wish. most "in the know" will identify themselves somehow. even if its just hearing you order a diet coke and they do the same. that may spark the conversation. as for the ones not "in the know" and you dont want to talk about it. Hey a tummy ache works great, cant drink tummy hurts, or im on antibiotics, or im just not in the mood for it tonight. Heck tell them your cutting back. If they start to push you into having one very seriously say, "please dont pressure me, I am not drinking tonight" BUT ill have a chat with you while i drink my cranberry juice (whatever) say it with a smile in your face and tommorow youll be so proud of yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The big book of AA states that as long as we are spiritually fit that we can face and handle all situations that come our way....or it is something like that in the big book of AA..so always pray your ass off at all times in everything.